I don't believe that this post needs to be long and drawn out to show the importance of my participating in the AIDS Walk come this Sunday, May 16th. For I'm sure all of you know and love someone living with HIV/AIDS. With that in mind, if you have supported someone else already, I applaud you.
However, if you haven't shown your support to someone already, I would appreciate you putting in a donation to my page:
Tonight around this time marks 8 years since I came to realize my predominately gay bisexuality. It also marks 8 years come the early hours of February 10th, that I had my 1st kiss EVER, and a couple of hours later lost of my viriginity. What is so weird about this?
You'll no doubt see the weirdness when you do the math of how come March 31, 2010 ----I will be 39 years old.
To be approaching the age of 39, those 8 years in some ways seem like yesterday, while in others seem so long ago.
What makes it seem like yesterday is the fact that I still greatly understand the inner-conflict of those young and old who fear coming to terms with their sexuality, and not just to family amd friends, but to themsleves. It is why I have always put up such a fuss about the "gay-for-pay" genre in porn. For part of my getting into porn 3 years after my sexual awakening was to show those in conflict, myself as a man who was once where they are, and how I am now comfortable with showing my sexuality, even though I (like many of them, hence why they hide) come from an upbringing that frowned upon it. My video performances plus my blog was my way of showing them how you must be true to yourself if you are to take solace with your own being. I'm not saying everyone with that inner-conflict should do porn, but this was my way to convey that message to the public. Even if they discover that they weren't gay after all, but simply curious instead, I hope my being true to myself has inspired some to do what it takes for them to be true to themselves.
As for what seems like so long ago, is my place in the LGBT community, and who my sexual orientation makes me responsible to, as well as what it make me responsible for. It seems like so long ago because when I first realized my being a mostly gay bisexual, I relied greatly on gays who were more settled into their sexual identity, and somewhat played "Follow The Leader". I am so self-sufficient and self-confident now that I look back on those days sometimes, and see myself as a fool in some ways. Because some of those that I followed were what I refer to now as "militant gays" where EVERYTHING in their life was about being gay. I have grown over these 8 years to see that is an unnecessary and mentally unhealthy way to live, because it's a life where you are always on edge, often thinking someone is out to get you when they are not, OR putting yourself in the position for someone to be out to get you.
I'm not going to re-tell how I came to realize my orientation, had my 1st kiss, or lost my virginity, even though it's quite a tale to re-tell. I'm just thankful to God that I've come to this point of self-assurance 8 years later, that has led me to knowledge about sex, life, and love that I can share with you by way of the gift for writing that I have been blessed with.
And I THANK YOU for riding this far with me, as I hope that I am given another 8 to 80 more to share with not only with the LGBT community, but the world as a whole.
Well this post is to announce that it is official - I am leaving the porn industry.
In recent months, I have been doing so many projects outside of the industry that looking for an opportunity to get back in front of the camera has become of no relevance to me. I have often said in my blog posts of how easy it should be to bow out of this industry because "it's only porn", and now I am practicing what I preach.
Furthermore, between all the racism, false hopes, and disregard for performers' and audiences' welfare that I have faced and written numerous posts about over time, I had to ask myself as to whether or not being in this industry makes me happy. And the truth of the matter is thanks to the racism, false hopes, and disregards by agencies like FabScout and studios like Big City, Black Scorpion, Falcon, Jet Set, Lucas, Raging Stallion, and Tyson Cane, I'm not happy being a part of it at all. In fact, looking at the porn industry as a whole, I realized the undeniable fact that because of the companies I mentioned (and those I didn't whose actions wreak the same results), the American gay porn industry is eroding, and I am getting out before it erodes me with it.
In regards to all the posts that I've written about what's wrong with this industry, I wrote all those posts with the hopes of making this industry take a needed look at itself and make itself better in the process. This is something I do for myself, and I expect others around me to do the same. But seeing how so many porn news websites like Unzipped.net and The Sword (due to their current "leadership") insist on reporting fluff instead of the reality that we performers face that are often symbolic of what's happening in the American gay community made me ask myself this question:
Why am I fighting to better an industry where the people in it have repeatedly chosen to ignore my intellect, integrity, and creativity, thereby making that industry way more than a little unworthy of my or anyone else's prowess of such high caliber?
The fact is the American gay porn industry has become a revolving door of performers. There are no more porn legends. There's now just a bunch of guys with high-rates who will never become a Jeff Stryker or Peter Berlin, names I'm sure many of you even in your 20's heard of at some point. What happens now is that just as soon as they get a decent-sized fanbase, those models with enough skill to do other things decide to move on, as I am doing now (and Trent Atkins has already done) because producers/directors and agents have allowed their lecherous ways suck the fun out of this industry.
It's not just me who feels this way. Fans of the porn industry are now becoming former fans of the industry, and turning to amateur porn instead. Because we watch porn to play voyeurs, and these big name studios have forgotten that. Well the former fans haven't forgotten, as it is proven by this quote from my friend, Achmat, as it is a sentiment shared and told to me by many, some total strangers who didn't even know I did porn:
"I love amateur porn because it captures the essence of sex. People are as they are and not what the label wants them to be...Amateur porn captures the fantasy, desire, and passion that the bright lights, pay checks, and fake tans have eroded."
Now, my being in this industry hasn't been all bad. I made some great friends along the way. And it is the industry that gave birth to the "Tré Xavier" persona, which is why if this industry shows any signs of healing its self-inflicted hemorrhage, I will return. But for now, the time has come to move on and take the persona to a higher level. And with all that I've been doing lately, I'm just getting started.
I'm sure based on this post many of my loyal readers fear that this blog will be no more. Well I am assuring you here that while "Tré Xavier - Porn Actor" is no more, "Tré Xavier - Blogger" is still alive and well, which means THIS BLOG ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE. So porn companies and publications, you still need to be on your guard from me calling them out.
For I will still be watching you.
Why would I let my blog go now when I believe I have turned "Tré's X-Ray Vision" from being just another porn actor's blog, to being a blog from a porn actor with a social conscience, to a blog from a regular socially aware guy who just happens to be an exhibitionist. The reason this metamorphosis is important to me is because exhibitionism with the title "porn actor" attached to it can get one treated like a god, and way too many porn actors start believing that of themselves. I however always wanted it to be that no matter what your country of birth or residence, you can say that I'm your brother, and in no way should be or (more importantly) seeks to be treated like a god.
You have all taken me on this great journey, and helped in giving me the courage to move on to the next chapter. I hope you will move on with me, and with that strength added to mine, I will not disappoint.
So now, think of this video as me washing off yesterday, so I can be refreshed in taking on today and beyond.
Music: "Love Wasn't Built In A Day" (Instrumental Version) featuring Dave Koz
I just wanted to say THANKS to the many who supported me for my comment recently published in The Advocate. I have received emails via Facebook, MySpace, and personal emails from Blacks, Whites, Latinos, and Asians giving me kudos for that comment. With that being the case, getting kudos from such an ethnically diverse group of people tells me that I'm on to something with what I said, and the studios I named (or are guilty of the same and didn't name) should take heed to what I said, and show it by getting a more ethnically diverse model roster.
I am by no means saying this to blow my own horn, I'm saying it because I like being a part of this industry. I'm also a perfectionist, and when I'm a part of something, I want it done RIGHT, not half-assed. And these studios practicing racism is half-assed, as it can force the hand of the ethnic studios to do the same.
I try to always let my readers know how much I appreciate their loyalty. And to still have your support after a controversial statement of mine gets exposure in a well-respected national publication like The Advocate, for that I can't show my appreciation enough.
I don't believe that this post needs to be long and drawn out to show the importance of my participating in the AIDS Walk come this Sunday, May 16th. For I'm sure all of you know and love someone living with HIV/AIDS. With that in mind, if you have supported someone else already, I applaud you. 
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