S.O.S. - Save Our Sex

Yesterday, I got an email via Facebook from Pepper Mint. I was being asked to be one of the VIP celebs for the event "S.O.S.: Save Our Sex" to take part in its discussion about as the email says, "EVERYTHING that affects gay sex and the LGBT community."


I had a prior engagement that I was going to attend that was also of a very important topic, coming out stories. But being after taking note of the line-up, I felt I had to do my extremely rare action of reneging on my plans to attend the other engagement where I was to be just a guest in the crowd, and instead take part in this event where I could be an actual voice for all attending to hear.

For sadly, the fact is that for a NYC event, "S.O.S: Save Our Sex" seems to have a severe lack of color in its line-up. And with that absence of color in the line-up before my signing on, I'm sure that some topics were waaaay more than bound to be overlooked, or if thought about at all, easily swept under the rug. Hence why I took it upon myself to take advantage of the Facebook ad mentioning of submitting questions via Twitter to ask this question:

In response to my tweet, I got this reply from @SaveOurSexNY:

With that reply, I am looking forward to being a part of this event even more so than when I originally signed on. If you are in NYC, I hope to see you there as well.

Heading To D.C. For Brunch

Back in late April of 2011, I received an email from Nicholas Townson, one of the co-hosts of an online talk show called

He was inviting me to come to Baltimore, Maryland to do an interview on the show where it was based. And it seems that my reputation proceeds me. For I was told by Nicholas that I was asked because I "come across as telling it like its is in the porn biz for blk actors".

Since that email, things have changed. The show is now based in Washington, D.C., and has been picked up to be produced on DCTV. During the times they were in talks of this possibly happening, I was told that they preferred having me on the TV show rather than the online show. Hence the long worthwhile wait.

So now the time has come. And I am heading to Washington, D.C. this coming Saturday for a day-trip to do the interview with the Guys At Brunch, Nicholas Townson and Shawn Bradley.

As with my live Q & A appearances for MACT/NY, I promise to make this appearance with Guys At Brunch have the honesty of my blog once again coming to life. Because it's very easy to sit behind a keyboard and type some answers and give commentary. I have locked horns with many cowards in and out of the porn industry using the name "Anonymous" or some fake name because of such actions. But when you have the chance to hear someone's voice, look them in the eyes and see the honesty they spew, it changes the game to where it's no longer a game....It is now REAL.

If you watch past shows to check out Guy At Brunch on either their website or YouTube channel, you'll see why I'm so looking forward to my time with them on this trip. And I'll be sure to update you as to when and if you are able to see the finished product.

Write That Down #42

Over time, a lot of people have told me that I look great for my age, which in case you didn't know, I am presently 40, and will turn 41 come the very end of March. This is not me blowing my own horn, but look at how much I've aged from the early 1990s till now:

When asked what do I do to keep myself looking so young, I always tell people that I live by a motto on a mug my late grandmother had that said, "Don't Let The Bastards Wear You Down". The fact is my living a life of not letting people get to me is only part of what helps me to maintain my youthful appearance. The problem is if I tell the other part to the people complimenting me, I'll probably scream at them to the top of my lungs. Because another part of what keeps my youthful appearance is the fact that I'm seldom to never do what they themselves are doing when they ask me.

You see, most of the people who ask me "What's your secret?" are people I meet who are in the midst of drinking way more than me, standing outside smoking, or doing drugs at a get-together while I'm drug-free. And some are White who along with one or more of the aforementioned, obviously frequent some tanning salon. So they just give the "Black don't crack" excuse for my more youthful appearance, rather than deal with the fact of how all those things are causing their inability to age well.


In short, they're doing one or more of the few things that the health news has yet to backpedal on in telling you how some or too much of it is bad for you.


My looking so young is actually what helped to start my time in porn, and what gets some asking if I'll make a return. It's also part of the reason why I'm seldom attracted to guys my own age. Because too many males my age are worn-down-looking, and look old enough to be my father rather than my boyfriend. So I instead wind up getting involved with 20-something losers like the guy from "Paying (Ends---My 'Friend')", who I am now realizing are nothing more the younger versions of the guys my own age before the alcohol, smoking, drugs, and/or tanning took their toll.


Now, any American adult knows that America is a youth-obsessed society, and the gay community worldwide is even more obsessed with youth than the straight majority. With that being the case, that's why my latest "Write That Down" quote asks:


If gay males hate aging soooo much, then why the fuck are so many of them heavy drinkers, drug users, smokers, and frequenting tanning salons? ...ALL of which speed up the aging process.

Please don't ask me what the reason is, because I don't have a solid answer for you. The best I can gather is that many gays have a self-destructive streak because they still harbor the parental, regional, and/or religion-induced shame over their homosexuality that I lost pretty much the moment I came out to myself. In short, they have yet to grow up, and love themselves. So until they decide to accept AND love themselves, be they 20-somethings and beyond, I'll continue to revel in my single status, and not love them either.


Because if they don't find themselves worth acceptance and love,...then why should I?

Porn, ...KISS!

I closed 2011 quite proud of myself. I continued to sever my ties with people in the porn industry. And the severing continued in the dawn of 2012, as I upped the ante by deleting double-digit gigabytes of porn off my hard-drive and unfollowing some of the porn-related personalities that I was following on Twitter. For I felt with them, there was too much contradiction and pandering to the porn powers-that-be, as well as praising of sexually depraved behavior, like same-sex incest and humiliation of bottoms.

Some people have told me that I seem bitter and angry about leaving the porn industry. What if I am? For if these people would open their eyes, they would see that I have good reason to be.

I know that I have said this many times before. but for this I must re-iterate - I entered the porn industry before coming out gay or bisexual was as mainstream as it is today. With that being the case, the porn industry was my way to be symbolic of someone comfortable with his homosexuality for those who were in "orientation-limbo" like I once was, yet fearful to admitting to their own homosexuality. My plan was to use interviews as my voice to the public telling how I overcame my religion-induced shame and suicidal thoughts to be the sexually-liberated man I have become. It was my blogging that became more of a voice, but the fact remains my being in porn is how that voice was able to reach the public.

However, the porn industry showed itself to have no interest in such a plight as mine, and became practically every negative stigma associated with it. From the rampant drug use, to the pimp/prostitute relationship of director and porn actor, to the desperation for validation. And I admit that I have allowed the 2nd, and am more than guilty of the 3rd. So considering my noble reasons for entering the porn industry, should I not feel bitter about needing to leave? Should I not be angry that the porn industry showed itself to be such an ugly environment when I tried giving it the benefit of the doubt?

Truth is, I have every right be seething with bitterness and anger.

And if you don't understand why, imagine YOURSELF in my position. Maybe you've lived it already, but just won't admit to it.

See a business in which feel you can be an asset to becomes the launchpad for you voicing your convictions. Yet, it turns out to not be at all the good things you had hoped to associate yourself with. In fact, it is such a total opposite that you find yourself needing to part ways with it. Wouldn't you find yourself bitter and angry towards it? And if thinking of a business doesn't help you to understand the situation, then use a significant other as an example. What if it was a significant other that you felt with whom you found your voice, broke out of your shell, and came into your own? Then after investing so much of yourself in that person, that person turns out to not be the great individual you originally thought you were associating with?

Now, if you can't understand why I may come off bitter and angry with examples such as that, then it's simple - you are an idiot and a hopeless case. Because that says it all.

I must also call out these people who want to call me bitter and angry after leaving the porn industry, and further their foolishness by saying to me, "Why don't you stop complaining and do something about it? Why don't you start your own company?"

Such a line is that of a pimp, a punk, and a side-seat-driver with their own lives, because these people are sitting on the sidelines watching me and calling me "bitter and angry", meanwhile:
(1)they refuse to acknowledge that by my speaking out about the wrongs I have seen, I am doing plenty more to change the industry than the people presently connected to the porn industry are doing. Those connected to the industry being not just producers, directors, and actors, but porn bloggers as well. Hence why I have severed my ties with so many of them. Sure, some studios are bringing more people of color into varying roles. But it says a lot about their lack of character for it to take losing money by way a recession and pirating of their overpriced product for them to give men of color a better try; and
(2) any adult with common sense knows that it takes money to make money. And with the chump change people of color are given in the porn industry, it is geared for us to never start our own company. So the only alternatives would be a) allow myself to be backed by a modern-day slave owner like Phil Bleicher of FlavaWorks, or b)save up money by turning a gazillion tricks as a prostitute - off-camera AND on, or c)something else illegal. And porn is not important enough for me to contradict my respect for sex by having it with numerous people I am not attracted to all for the sake of funding my own porn company for your entertainment.

So if you want a porn company so bad, you get your trollish ass out there and turn tricks to fund it! Stop living on the sidelines looking for someone else to do your dirty work!

With all that said, what makes me angry are drama-seekers. Such as anyone nowadays claiming that I'm bitter and angry. For I am not bitter and angry about leaving porn. I will admit that initially I was, but since the better things that have come my way since (such as what 2011 brought my way), that bitterness and anger is gone, and has now morphed into disappointment. And for the reasons I stated earlier for having a right to be bitter and angry, those same reasons now justify my disappointment.

While I still do and always will have my dark side, there is a light in my life now guiding me to better days. So that time in porn doesn't cripple me from seeing, grasping, and holding on to the great prospects ahead.