Friday, April 26, 2019

Evolution of My Topping

After losing my virginity in 2002, I was a total bottom for about 2 years. Always knowing that eventually I would become versatile, but for the moment, I was a total bottom, and okay with that. That is why I always tells customers in the sex shop to be patient with themselves for whatever their goal may be.

Once I started topping, I always said that after 2 years of being a total bottom that in my versatility I am a much better bottom than top. No matter what percentage of being a top or bottom I was, even when my versatility reached 50/50, and a good number of playmates praising me as a top, I still felt my skill set made me a much better bottom.

I recently had 2 encounters with which I saw myself becoming more confident in my topping skills. An evolution, if you will. The signs of this evolution might not seem obvious at first, but I will explain how so, and why it is for the better later.


The first incident happened at The Cock. I was behind a curtain, and this guy was sucking me off. Right next to me was a short hottie that I've played with before. As he watched me get my cock sucked, he laid on his back on the bench while playing with his hole. The blowjob was pretty good, but watching that short hottie play with his hole made me rock hard, and needing to be engulfed by not a mouth, but the 98.6 degree and rising warmth of a hungry bottom's ass tunnel.

The past times I topped the short hottie, he assumed the position to be topped doggy style. Being the ass-man that I am, that made it easier to get turned on, start fucking him, and keep fucking him. This time however, seeing him in position to bottom in missionary made me want him right away. My craving wasn't to look at his ass while inside it. No, it was solely about being inside him. Seeing the beauty of his ass was no longer a crutch to get me hard and keep me hard. Just the thought of being inside him in any position was all I needed.

Before I'm called a hypocrite regarding Rule #5 in my rules of blowjob etiquette, I initially was planning to give my dick to the guy giving me a blowjob. But he was sucking me for so long that he seemed like sucking my cock was all he wanted to do. A man that is going to be worth my interest knows to do as I do - stop sucking to check on his playmate to see if he eventually wants that cock made hard by a cocksucker so it can go in his cocksucker's ass, like it should be. This guy never checked in with me for that. He was sucking me for all eternity and I was getting bored by it. As I mentioned before, he sucked it pretty good, but he never offered his asshole. My playmate from my past laying on the bench next to me did offer his asshole.

I went in my pouch and got out some lube to put on my cock. I then slid my cock inside him and started pounding with so much passion. A degree of a passion I've done while topping doggy style, but never in missionary. The more he moaned in pleasure. The more I touched his bare skin not covered by his harness and jockstrap. The more I wrapped my arms around him to go deeper inside him. It all made me not want to stop. But I did stop, so I wouldn't come. Because I have a feeling that if I did come, I would not have stopped. I would have probably shot a raw load in his ass, and kept pumping so I could try and shoot another. Fucking him so long that the lights would come on in the bar because of it nearing closing time.

The other instance happened at a Milk Chocolate NYC party.

I had already topped from behind while standing this sexy guy who was around my height. The entire time I thrusted into the soft cheeks of his ass, as much as I loved looking down to see those cheeks squeeze with my every inward thrust, I wanted him on his back. So I could look in his eyes right below those sexy eyebrows.

Later on in the night, he and a guy that he and I both had bottomed for earlier were sitting on a sofa in the space. Another guy put his legs up and started fucking the hottie. This put the thought back in my head of how much I wanted to look in his eyes while my cock is inside that amazing ass. Then the other guy stopped. So my chance opened up. And when this hottie saw my hard cock eager to get in him again, he opened his ass up along with that chance.

I got on my knees and put my hard cock inside him, with his legs leaning on my shoulders. He lit up the deeper I went in. And when I started pumping into him, he lit up even more. Maybe because my cock was also swelling from feeling his body hair and playing with his big dick. In any case, his being pleased was undeniable for me to see because I was looking right into his eyes.

So how do these 2 occurrences show that I am evolving in my topping skills?

I have long been saying that sex is not just a physical connection, but also a spiritual connection. The latter is one many gay males try to deny. Hence why doggy-style is the most common position at a sex party or backroom. For both connections exist even in a backroom/sex party tryst, and doggy-style, while a great position for a top to view the ass he is pumping into, it also helps a top avoid looking into his sex partner's eyes, which are windows to the soul.

With that said, those 2 encounters with me craving, then being a top in missionary shows me evolving because before then, my spiritual connection that I said was part of sex was obtained in my mind, but less obtained by our sexual position. Therefore, giving no guarantee as to whether or not the spiritual connection that was obtained before the sex was truly maintained during the sex. By me topping in missionary, a more intimate position, I have now evolved to obtaining that spiritual connection by more physical and definite means. A position where my playmate and I look each other in the eyes. Where we can see the beauty of healthy lust, and ask for more. Or see its ugliness and part ways soon after.

Since in addition to being horny, I need to vibe with positive sexual energy from the person(s), I believe the lust we'll have will most definitely be the beauty of healthy lust.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Nathaniel, R-U A Rapist?

For the first time in awhile, I went to the NYC gay bar, The Eagle for their Jockstrap Happy Hour. At this event, proceeds go to a charity by way of a $5 cover as most patrons strip down to usually a jockstrap or some other kind of underwear and enjoy cocktails, beers, conversation, and flirtation. Most guests from my experience partake of these things well and act respectfully towards one another's personal space. However, there is often someone with such a rabid level of social ineptitude that they can ruin it for someone.

Well, on this night, the name of the person with the rabid social ineptitude was Nathaniel.

I paid my cover and entered the bar. In less than a minute, this tall, slim black male came up to me introducing himself by saying "Hi, I'm Nathaniel". Even though I don't know my degree of celebrity, knowing that I have some at all still makes me wonder if such an abrupt introduction is either a social media follower or someone seeing me as an Average Joe.

He immediately offered to buy me a drink, and I refused. I shouldn't have to explain why I refused. However, since using one another is such a commonality in gay society endorsed by its media, nightlife, and porn, An explanation for my refusal is necessary before I continue.

When a guy offers to buy you a drink, he wants something. If you don't want conversation with him, don't accept the drink. If you don't want to kiss him, don't accept the drink. If you don't want to end up having sex with him,... DON'T ACCEPT THE FUCKING DRINK!!! So in practicing what I preach, I refused. Because your sex appeal in that person's eye (and/or their desperation) is what got you the offer. And I'm not going to let my sex appeal get me something from someone who I know wants something in return, but I have no intent of giving what they want to them. That's what justifies Karma's action when she takes your sex appeal away by way of your subconscious guilt making you age poorly.

Anyway, after my refusal, he persisted in trying to talk to me. I said I just got here, and I wanted to settle myself first. He seemed to get the hint. He told me to enjoy my evening, then walked away. As I was waiting, I was so in a rush to get in the bar that I forgot I needed to use the restroom. So I went. When I returned, I went to the opposite end of the bar. Once there, Nathaniel came back, and started talking to me again. And it wasn't like he was approaching me out of drunkenness that made him forget we met just a few minutes earlier. He was well aware that we spoke before because this time, he did not introduce himself.

In response to whatever he said, there were many things I said that made it clear that if I was to entertain his company at any point, that moment was not the time. Such as how a few times when he said that it seems like I had a wall up, one time I responded by saying, "I do. Because I don't know. It comes down the more I get to know you." In whatever various ways I said that, I told him the truth each time. Another time in his rambling I responded by telling him, "When I first walk into a space, I like to assess the room. Get a feel for it. And to focus and get an honest assessment, I like to do that alone. Hence why I often go places solo."

He still kept talking to me. In fact, he even furthered his closing into my personal space. For most of the time, he was leaning against the bar with his left hand. Leaning into me at a less than 45 degree angle, which was inciting my porn-induced PTSD to do something drastic.

With hindsight being 20/20, I think one of the things that saved him from a heinous reaction was the fact that my porn-induced PTSD is incited more by being actually touched, which even in his close proximity to my body, he never did.

As he kept getting such responses from me defending my justified personal space, he became unjustly defensive in both his verbal responses, and his body language. Such as how he went from the less than 45 degree lean to taking his other hand and putting it on the other side of me, closing me in.

The whole encounter had me so annoyed that I only remember bit and pieces of what he said. At that moment all I recall is that he was asking me how old I was. I told him that I would tell him if he would stop trying to corner me. Me having to negotiate for my personal space to avoid responding with a physically violent reaction made his existence more insignificant with every letter of every word he spoke and every millimeter of his movement. For he was trying to close me in to possess my time and space.

Now, as a Black man in the racist clusterfuck that is the American gay community, I am more than a little aware of how disregarded a black male can feel. Especially when we have been passed aside for white/light-complexioned guys by someone claiming to like, or even love us. In every scenario from a backroom tryst to a long-term relationship. However, the accumulation of such hits does not justify Nathaniel (or any other black male) imposing upon someone's personal space. Especially not in that fashion. And especially not the personal space of a stranger --- what I was to Nathaniel.

With all this said, I must publicly ask Nathaniel this...

Nathaniel, are you a rapist? Have you called yourself having a conversation with a person giving only a few inches, instead of at least a foot between that person and yourself? Have you gotten defensive when they ask you to back up? Even if they ask with the utmost politeness? Have you gotten defensive when their polite words show they would rather be left alone?

I must ask these questions because based on your behavior on the night of April 19, 2019, you have all the makings of a rapist. Repetitious in executing power moves upon the personal space of a person you have no claim to. So if you don't fix this behavior now, I expect to hear news of you being accused, arrested, indicted, tried, and convicted in due time.

I actually hope you have done no such extent of harm to someone. But if you have, I hope this article inspires them to come forward.

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