Monday, July 23, 2018

The Social Destruction of Fan Paysite Pornstars

I have a friend with benefits that I have fooled around with for a few years now. We have discussed numerous times about making a video because the sex between us ---- my dick inside his beautifully round ass----is SO FUCKIN' HOT.

Sometimes, when we get together, I'm ready to place both of our smartphones so we can make a video from 2 angles instead of just 1. However, just as quick as it enters our minds, we let it leave. It's because our lust for each other takes precedence. Making the only buttons we want to push not be those on a camcorder, the camera app on our cell phones, or the webcam on our laptops. Instead, the only buttons we want to push are those in and on our bodies to trigger one another's erogenous zones.


If porn actors and others with accounts on fan paysites like OnlyFans, JustForFans, and 4MyFans had that same kind of depth towards each other, then such sites would not presently be all the rage. Nor would they be a new rabid sign of how we are failing each other. For while we already know that sex is a commodity to them, their account on such sites shows just how deeply troubling such an outlook on sex really is.


When I did studio-based gay porn, I cherished my sex away from the camera. I never even propositioned a playmate during that time about recording us. Hence why the videos of me with someone on my XTube account are all after my retirement from studio-based porn. It's because I wanted my sex partners to know that I wasn't "on" while I was with them. I also wanted them to know that the sex I was having with them was about me enjoying their company first and foremost. Enjoying and reveling in the pleasures born from the sights, sounds, taste, textures, and smells from the joy and intimacy of the sex. Unlike those on these fan paysites, my playmates weren't a means to build up my marketability, even as a sex educator. If they exemplified a point that I've often made, like my playmate in "Why It's WE Fuck", it was strictly by chance.


In that and all of my other videos with someone, we were so into each other that we never looked at the camera. Unlike many on those fan paysites. Many of them can't get enough of looking at the camera while fucking. Never realizing how that look in the camera exposes:
  • their desperation for validation through porn



  • an indicator of how in their narcissism, they want to make money from memberships so bad that they refuse to enjoy their sex partner and communicating that to their sex partner by looking into their partner's eyes. And sometimes, if they do look in their eyes, it's not with their own eyes. They instead use the eye of a camera. Lessening their intimacy with that person. Signifying so much more social ineptitude;

  • a sexual display that is all a put-on. When these porn actors play to the camera in their videos, you are never allowed to play voyeur and see their true sexual self. So if you're dumb enough to pay for it, then you're paying for a fake display. And the more you pay for it, the more it reveals your lack of respect for the connection that should come with sex. Especially when it is to be viewed by others.
I'm sure many have one of these fan paysites to have sex where they can reclaim control over their sexual self and escape from the loud-mouth and scrutiny of a porn director living vicariously through them. Working in such conditions, I understand a porn actor's need to escape. However, they need to wise up... Because what good is their "escape" when during their sex away from a studio, they're still playing to the camera? Also, where is the reclaim of power over their sexual self? Because in the end...

You are still somebody's bitch. You are still owned.

The difference is that instead of being owned by a studio-based porn director, you've now become a owned by your subscribers. Going from clocking in and out to be one power's bitch, then clocking in to being an even greater power's bitch. And quite often, it's within the porn actor's own place of residence. So where is the "home", and where is the "sweet" in your "Home Sweet Home" now?
Sadly, you sold it. While selling away the joy of having a praiseworthy sex life. And the "praiseworthy" I'm speaking of is solely about the serenity and intimacy that a mentally and emotionally healthy sex life should have. Because call it a job or not, it's still sex. Therefore, even if it's just a tryst, it needs that spiritual connection to be mentally and emotionally healthy sex. And that does not happen in many of these fan paysite scenarios.

Some on sites like OnlyFans have the fuck-faced audacity to ask you for tips so you'll see the very content that you subscribed to them for in the first place, which is deplorable. Many porn actors try to say they don't deserve to be looked down upon, but when they pull stunts like this, they most definitely deserve it. Because a subscriber already paid to see you totally naked, and/or to see you fuck. So asking for anymore money is you being another greedy, lecherous stereotypical prick that the sex industry is known for. So you're keeping the negative stigma associated with the porn industry very much alive. Congratulations, asshole!

With such methods, the way many do their fan paysite accounts makes them always "on". So they in turn have no real sex life. And the more members of our community act like this is okay, the more we are contributing to the lack of intimacy in our community's relationships.

Speaking of intimacy in relationships, let's address those who are on these sites and claim to be in relationships. What does this say about their significant other?


Well for starters, their "significant other" can't really be that significant. To themselves or the porn actor they're involved with. For after all I have said here thus far, do you really think allowing an even longer chain to the porn industry than that of a common studio-based porn actor makes an emotionally and mentally healthy relationship? Or does it contribute more so to the growing social dysfunction in the gay community?... I say the latter.


Since this is so often for the sake of bigging up the amount of material to put on their fan paysite accounts, and making "commercials" for their porn careers, it causes and justifies the lack of respect many have for sexual performers today. The ripple effect of this ignorance is that it causes true exhibitionists like myself to be seen just as worthy of disdain and unworthy of respect. In spite of the fact that our respect for you as a voyeur is the reason why you are never charged so much as a penny.

I have never, even while I was doing studio-based porn, charged viewers for watching my tube site videos. I always kept links to my porn accounts near the top of this page because over the years, I love the way I have learned to masturbate. I love the sex that I have learned to have. And I love that you enjoy watching me learn both. You can't really put a price tag on that love, or those connections.


This is why I am so troubled by many with these fan paysites. It's because they don't know of that love. Even if they say they do, their actions of having such an account, performing the way they do, and charging you money for it speaks way louder than their words.

Porn actors need that away-from-the-camera sex more than anyone. But having one of these accounts blinds them to the how sex needs to is a nature-blessed joy to cherish and the high percentage of times it needs to be held sacred. Even if they claim to find the person hot that they make a video with, how cherished and held sacred is that sex by all parties? Knowing that the main reason it was recorded was not to have a cherished memory of the encounter. Instead, it was recorded primarily for the purpose of making money. Even if a porn actor suppresses that acknowledgement, it is still there in your brain for you to feel less than because of it. Which leads to porn actors acting out. Most likely by doing more scenes, and taking more pics, then using the likes and purchases by subscribers and followers to distract them from dealing with the ugliness of it all.

So the real one who suffers in this obsession with seeking subscribers are those with the accounts. They are selling out their intimacy all for the sake of greater porn stardom. Being a fighter for exhibitionism and a healthy state of mind with it is why this troubles me. So for now, the best I can do is what I do when my compassion crosses paths with an addict... Distance myself from those who feel the need to go this route, but leave myself open to advise them if/when they alas realize, or even simply open up to suspecting that they have made a bad call.

It sadly needs to be this way because our society is already plagued with social ineptitude because of obsession with forms of social media. And the gay community as a whole is even more so socially inept by its unawareness and denial of how we define one another and gay sex by ways taught by porn. So such people need to be left alone until they realize the harm to others, and to themselves that they are contributing to.

Friday, July 13, 2018

The Expected Porn Return Fail, Courtesy of Treasure Island

Back in May, Treasure Island Media tweeted a request for models. I clicked on the link and applied. With all that I have said about the gay porn industry, I'm sure you're wondering why I would do such a thing. Did my desperation for validation return with such a vengeance that I chose to put myself through all that I've said bad about the gay porn industry all over again? Am I that pressed for cash? Or is it a combination of both?


The answer to all of those possibilities is actually a loud and echoing NOOOOOO!!!

I did it partly because due to my firsthand experience in the porn industry, I was feeling I wouldn't be able to further justify my annoyance without trying to get back in it again for a brief moment. Even though standing on the outside looking in as I have been since I announced my retirement in 2009, I see many signs to let me know I made the right decision. But still, I wanted some firsthand confirmation. So as long as I still have a good look, I thought why not go for it. Besides, after all that I have said about the industry and them, the worst they could do is say "No".

Well actually, I filled  out the application on a Friday afternoon (May 11th), and got an email the following Monday morning (May 14th) a little before 9:30 asking me to come in to make an audition video on May 25th. I responded that I was okay with this, and all I needed in response was an exact place and time. A number of days passed with no response. Then after asking again on May 22nd, I finally got a response saying:

Hey LeNair, 

First off let me apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I was out of the office for the better part of last week. 

I reviewed your application with Max Sohl. 
Based on your past interactions together, he has decided decline your application. 

I am sorry for any inconvenience and wish you the best of luck going forward.

With that response, instead of me asking you to read through an entire old blog post to let you know the exactness of that past interaction with Treasure Island Media director, Max Sohl, here are the 1st and 2nd paragraphs of the blog post "Seeking The Silver In The TIM Dim Cloud" that explains it exactly:

"At the end of February, I was attempting to make a brief return to porn. The studio was Treasure Island Media where in one email  to describe the shoot said they were "treating it like a paid audition" with a group of 5 or 6 guys who were all versatile and ready, willing and able to flip-fuck --- and it was a total bust. I can't speak for the others, but for me, I could not perform with someone's body odor reeking in the room. Especially when we were instructed to wear deodorant. As far as I knew, this was not supposed to be a bear shoot where stench is looked upon as a badge of honor. Yet instead of the director telling the person with the body odor to either 'hit the showers, or hit the road', we all had to try to endure that stench, which intensified as the heat in a hotel room rose because of NO AIR CONDITIONING.

This is why if I make an official return to porn, I'm sticking to my rule of knowing my scene partner beforehand, because I let that rule slide once since making it, and look what happens! Had I known this guy would be there I would have probably bailed on the idea of working with him, because I've worked with that guy before at a live appearance, and seen him at parties, and body odor was something I experienced EVERYTIME while being near him..."

So with this incident as my and Max Sohl's past interaction, what is the other reason as to why I took a chance and applied to Treasure Island Media?

It's because, first of all, time has passed. Me and Max Sohl both have had 8 1/4 years to look back on that incident, and ask ourselves if our position during that incident should have been different. Now, over my years of blogging, I have owned up to a good number of my missteps in judgement. However, for the reasons I stated in that old blog post, I had no reason to change. In fact, me changing from that position would be me lowering my standards, and going back to being the stereotypical prey of the sex industry. That prey being the disenfranchised, marginalized, broken, unloved, and self-loathing because of being the aforementioned. All of which are easily manipulated by all parts of the sex industry. From prostitution, to porn, and even sex retail. And me allowing that would be me undoing  all the maturing I have done to give me this much more sense.

This brings me to Max Sohl. He is entitled to not changing or growing. However, it shows an ongoing failure in his character. One that is too common among most porn directors and other heads in the sex industry overall. Making them the predators that they too often are. Thereby justifying the negative stigma about them.

I can't say verbatim, but I can come very close to verbatim as to how on the model application, as I said in the beginning of this post, I made it very clear that I said disparaging things about the porn industry and their company in the past. I also said to them that me accepting an offer from them would be a step in undoing some of the negatives that I have said about the industry and them, and I would be willing to publicly state that.

These statements were clear as day in the comment section of my model application. With that being the case,...

Why was I even offered an audition before my application reached the eyes of Max Sohl?
It's because of a very common unorganized sequence I have found in the porn industry. So if I wanted that firsthand confirmation of the gay porn industry still being fucked up, I guess I got it proven with that move from them.

Perhaps Treasure Island Media had that much trust in this casting director, Kyle's judgement. Even so, if you read something from a model application where the applicant admits to saying bad things about the company, common sense should tell you to not give a "yay" or "nay" to the applicant about anything in the casting process until after you have spoken to a higher positioned person. Namely, the higher positioned person those disparaging statements are about. That common sense move was not done here. So my time and professionalism in getting the schedule right was wasted.

If so much as an audition video had happened, I know me returning in front of any studio's camera would raise some eyebrows to those who remember me as "Tre Xavier". It would have been a move that my fans and followers now, which may actually include anti-porn activists, would want to know why.

Even though it's rare, there are times in the porn industry that a big fallout between porn actor and porn company happen, and a reconciliation happens later on down the line. So why wasn't the situation between Treasure Island Media's Max Sohl and myself one of those cases?

Could it be because being that I wasn't what he sees as a "draw"?

After all, if you look at Treasure Island Media's record of black models, it's no different than most white-owned predominately white/light casting porn studios. Having more than 90% of the black males they use playing what I've long referred to as a "gorilla nigger" top to some white and light-complexioned person of color. Fetishizing low self-esteem having black males for a profit. And all that I have stated about the industry, my goal to be a versatile Black man still celebrating bottoming with any color, and my own sexual performance shows that even if I topped for any studio's camera, I would not play that gorilla nigger role. For such a role is a downgrade of me (and anyone who plays it) as a man, and makes one's presence a disrespect to sex overall. Lastly, even with their name in the title and photo on the DVD cover, bottoms in porn are treated as lesser beings primed for abuse. This is especially true of Treasure Island Media, which since this incident I realize is adding substance abuse to their list of abuses. So part of my applying was to give them a more respectable display of bottoms.

In addition to my not playing that negative racist role, the fact that I as an adult entertainer have enough self-esteem to lay down such laws for myself very likely also makes them (and most other porn companies) unwilling to deal with me. Especially when they are white and the knowledge and strength of that potential model is wrapped in medium to dark brown skin, like mine. For it shows that I'm not the sex industry's usual target when a predator is in charge. You see, while I may be part of a group that is disenfranchised and marginalized, I do not present myself as being hurt or broken by it. And that makes the stereotypical predatory head of a sex industry business very uneasy.

I had hoped to see that Max Sohl had grown up, and taken ownership of his fuck-ups in that old situation. As we can see, such is not the case. And it is most likely because porn actors low enough on self-esteem keep coming back. Enduring whatever unpleasant and unhealthy conditions he throws them in,, instead of challenging him to do better by them.

Some of you are probably thinking that my calling out guys in the porn industry out like this is why less and less porn companies wanted to work with me, and would not consider taking me in today fi I tried harder for a return to the industry. Well years ago, Chris Steele of Jet Set Men tried saying the same thing to me about not working with me because of all I've said about Tyson Cane's antics on porn sets. And in response, I told Chris' dumb ass the same thing I'm telling yours...

What I've put folks on blast for in the porn industry are acts of ignorance. If you have enough faith in your character, then you know that you would never do the dumb shit I put someone on blast for. Therefore, you would have nothing to be worried about in working with me. So such a statement says more about your lack of integrity and faith in your own humanity than it does about my work ethic and sense of self-worth.

Proof of that statement being true is Ben Marksman, the director of one of my last movies "All Out Assault". After initially meeting at The Gay Erotic Expo of 2007, I gave him this blog's address citing certain posts to tell him what I had experienced in the industry by that point, and what those instances made me come to decide to work with and not work with. So he became fully aware of all I've said about the many directors by name while we were in talks about working together. And he still hired me. Why? Because he had enough faith in his own integrity and character to know that he would never do those things. And that humanity is why he is the only person I met while in the gay porn industry that I am still friends with today.

So you see, I am aware that there are some, but too few decent people in the porn industry.

In closing, if I seem angered by all of this, know that "anger" is not the right word. The correct word is disappointed. Disappointed in the fact that I was once again right about an ill within the adult entertainment industry. You see, as much as most people (including myself) normally want to be right, this is a situation that I would like to for once publicly admit to being wrong. But this outcome shows that day is not today.

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