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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

From Porn to Poet, ...Who Would've Predicted?

April 1, 2005...

That was the day of my gay porn debut. Performing a solo show for the now extinct website, Showguys.com. Back when most live online sex shows had a host. Unlike today, with the models doing all of the work themselves.

I got the gig by answering an ad in the (also extinct) NYC gay nightlife magazine, HX. With the plans of using it, and every porn gig after to become a known pornstar. So I could do for others questioning their sexual orientation what gay porn had done for me. That being ---showing me gay/bi males comfortable with their sexuality. So I thought.

After learning most pornstars are anything but comfortable with their sexuality, my blogging, which I initially began to promote my porn persona of "Tré Xavier", transformed into a means to wake up the gay community to how gay porn is not the influence and inspiration to our sexual behavior that many emulate, but by no means should.

Unfortunately, the Borg-like racist white domination of the gay porn industry and gay media gave me few opportunities to be heard. Hence why some of my blogged messages to the community to this day have been slow to grow throughout the community. OR have been stolen by those gay media sites never responding to my inquiries about handling the subject matter. In which case, the story is handed off to either white authors, or a different author of color. In either case, handling the issue with kid gloves, which underrates its severity. And in the case of a white author, them having no firsthand experience of what we people of color must endure too often leads to an article that preaches to the choir. Instead of enlightening those whites whose racism want their new knowledge coming from a white source.


Between trying to fight porn directors' and performers' racism, selfishness, prostitution, being gay-for-pay bitches in denial, and an "every-man-for-himself" mindset, I finally owned how much "fun" the gay porn industry was NOT. So on September 23, 2009, I announced my retirement from the industry.

After announcing that retirement, I had a state of saying to myself, "What now?"

Along with that "what now?", I also had to figure out how to silence the ghosts. The ghosts of the gay porn industry that haunted me because I had all of this knowledge about it that could put a stop to many misconceptions, but they only lived in my head... At least for the moment. 

Then one day, a poem popped in my head. I used to write poetry all the time as a kid, which then morphed into songwriting when I started having aspirations to be a singer. So that poem was me going back to some good basics.

After that poem however, came another, then another, then another, then another. All about stories of what I've witnessed in the gay porn industry. Now, I had to get the stories out there. So I approached Men of All Colors Together/NY about doing a poetry reading, and Q & A, simply titled "The Industry". And they said, YES.

The host of one of the sex parties I attended at the time promoted the event in his emails. The clothes check guy at the last party I attended before the event said, "Something good is going to come out of this, you watch."

While my outside voice said to him, "From your mouth to God's ears", my inside voice thought, "This guy is off his fuckin' rocker! Ain't shit going to come out of this, but a one-night-only release of a few behind-the-scenes porn stories."

Well, I'm man enough to admit when I have been proven wrong. For not only did it get gay porn blog coverage due to a live impromptu debate between myself and token black guy of the time, Diesel Washington. More importantly was me waking up the next morning to an email from someone who was in attendance at my reading.

By reading the email, this person acknowledged his connection to The Leslie-Lohman Museum of Gay & Lesbian Art, which resulted in the nude modeling I did for their drawing studio. As well as his being on the board for The Rainbow Book Fair. Hence why I have been in the lineup for their Poetry Salon since the year of my poetry reading, 2011.

And I am pleased to announce that I have been invited back again.

So April 29th. I hope to see you there.

Who would have predicted that 12 years from the first time I stepped in front of a porn industry's camera that I would be where I am now?

Someone slowly but surely gaining notoriety as an erotic poet, erotic storyteller, sex toy reviewer,  and sex blogger. In short, to some, a sexpert.

Well, I never saw it coming. But I'm also not mad about it. For it has saved me from an outcome of most porn actors, both living and dead. My exhibitionist spirit still lives, and my creative talents are not stalemated.

Just goes to show how all it takes is one right person to have faith in you.

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