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Monday, January 30, 2017

Breeding Black Armor By White Insecurity

People are the products of their environment. These environments have often programmed their proclaimed standards long before you met them. If those standards contradict your own, those signs of that environment might fade a bit in your presence. Unfortunately, like a computer, they often reboot in that person when they leave your presence.

So since most media, events, and the most-respected people in gay society do not teach inclusiveness, we have moments where some (mainly blacks) get overwhelmed feeling like the outsider. Even if they normally forge head-first into the situation as a means to combat it, like myself.

Such a situation has people wearing an armor, even if the event has us totally naked. And with that, there comes a point when that armor must come off. You can and should take the armor off yourself. Otherwise, it will fall off unexpectedly. Resulting in awkward, and sometimes dangerous situations.

I usually take the armor off myself. By either the event ending in time, or me removing myself from the situation. Recently at a party however, I didn't do the latter, and the armor fell off. Thereby creating, not a dangerous situation, but definitely an awkward one.

The host had no idea as to what caused my usually cool, calm, and collected self to suddenly bolt out the door. I later explained giving a much more condensed version of what I'm saying here now.

Many black males experience this, but will seldom (if ever) reveal it out loud. Meanwhile, those whites and light people of color whose selfishness refuse to discuss racism since they so massively benefit from it need to learn empathy and compassion.

At the aforementioned party, I was fine a t first. However, the smaller the crowd got the more I felt the energy making me "the black man in the room". Many black male party-goers feel this. Either drinking themselves into stoopers, or making themselves the main drug connection for whites, and getting high with those whites to avoid feeling the reality of being "the black man in the room". That's why I'm more prone to address it. I'm always sober enough to see it, feel it, therefore remember every detail to acknowledge our community's moments of progress, but too often lack thereof.

Like I said, this is something I, and every other black male feels at just about any gay event in this country. And the only way to avoid it is to exile ourselves further by attending all-black parties like the one I mentioned in a Facebook post I wrote about a Latino I played with at a CumUnion party. And as a born and raised New Yorker, therefore a born and raised American, I should not have to exile myself like I'm in Pre-Civil Rights Movement America when the year is 2017. Especially when the heads of gay media, party promoters, and porn producers further inciting this racism are transplants to this multi-colored and multi-ethnic mecca that is my home.

Any black male you meet telling you they know not of what I speak is in denial. Either that, or they're telling you a bold-face lie to cover the guilt racially insensitive whites and bougie people of color try laying on us. Calling us blacks who speak honestly on this matter, "angry black men" if we dare to bring this matter up.

The question created by these situations are:
Why are blacks and other darker people of color still being made to feel inferior, when they are not by any means?

Well, the answer is the same as it has been throughout American history. It's what brought forth slavery. It's what brought forth segregation. It's what brought forth gender inequality along with too many other forms of inequality... WHITE MALE INSECURITY.

This insecurity is born out of how it is very likely encoded in our DNA that when we are put on any kind of pedestal, we fear the day (and way) we fall off of it. And it is inevitable that we will fall off of it. For every thing man produces has mortality.

So a white male's time on a pedestal appearing as the epitome of sex, beauty, and intellect; light-complexioned people of various ethnicities given those same props because the whites running media consider them as "passing"; all of the aforementioned seeing a person of a darker color or certain ethnicity, and initially liking what they see, but turn their eyes away just as quickly because the programming kicks in to think of those people as "ugly"; and for all of them, youth being their ticket to climbing that segregated ladder...

ALL OF IT WILL DIE AT SOME POINT. Ageism dismissing older gays will start it on its way. As for its final resting place, maybe not in my lifetime, or yours, but these ways of life will die. And no matter how much of a bravado is put on by those benefiting from that racism, every one of those people are dreading the day their time of being seen as a stud, a muse, or a genius dies.

Worst part of it is that for generations, these gay males still have never realized, therefore ignored teaching the next generation that the more they play into that racism, the more they act entitled to its perceived benefits, the more it's going to hurt when it's time to come down. It's probably because each generation had and has an arrogance saying things like, "I like what I like just because" or worst, "It will never happen to me."

Well, don't we already see the signs that beg to differ? For you can't miss seeing in the bars and clubs, the lonely old white and light-complexioned males buying lapdances and "alone time" with go-go boys. And long before that and very much on-going, how older guys are the main clients for escorts/prostitutes. So basically, those younger gays doing these gigs, are doing so for their lonely future selves.

How much worst does it have to get for us to realize that this RACISM (sexual and otherwise) NEEDS TO STOP???!!! All of this makes it clear how actions like this racism in the gay community creates a chain of livelihoods that shouldn't even be called "livelihoods". For they are making our community put on a happy face when in all actuality, we are imploding.

Therefore, all of the aforementioned acts create a path that benefits no one.

Monday, January 23, 2017

I'm Versatile, But I Prefer To....

I went to The Cock's Anniversary Party thrown by Daniel Nardicio. While standing around, a guy walked pass touching me to say "Hi". At first, my porn-induced PTSD that I've addressed before almost sent me into a violent rage. However, just as quickly as it was sparked, it was brought under control by realizing that I've met the guy before. Even more calming is the fact that every time we see each other, we flirt.

We got to catching up, talking about what I observed at that point about the crowd, and the conversation led to me talking about whether I'm a top, bottom, or versatile. Now, if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, then you already know I'm versatile. But for some reason, he asked a question I've been asked before by others, and always danced around the question to avoid giving an answer. An act which is out of character for me, because this blog and my social media posts show that I'm normally quite forthcoming answering such questions about my sex life. Some things are off limits, but not that. So this time, I finally bit the bullet.

After I said I was versatile, the question he then asked was, "Which one do you prefer?"

I revealed my answer to be BOTTOM.

I paused for a moment to answer. Knowing my pause was not due to a shame towards bottoming. Proof of that lack of shame starts with my purposely going into gay porn as a bottom. Followed by my sex tales, captions on my Tumblr, sexual fantasies told on both, plus my refusal to date a popper-user. All of these make it obvious that I love the natural sensation of a cock riding back and forth inside my tight ass tunnel.  Whether that guy makes his cock move inside me with a slow romantic glide, the hard drilling of an extremely impassioned fuck, or any degree of vigor in between. The reason for my pause was because thanks to the media-induced perception of bottoms, my answer required some explanation.

The explanation that I gave is that looking back, bottoming has always been my preference. When I first imagined having sex with a guy, before knowing gay sex was anal sex, I thought of myself as a bottom. It wasn't until the night I lost my virginity that I realized that at some point, I would also top, and very easily become 50/50. Because when the guy I lost my virginity to wanted me to top him after he topped me, I couldn't. But I knew someday I would. And if not with him, then somebody else.

Also, when I masturbate, I assume the position of which I want to have sex in. So like most guys, I masturbate laying on my back. However, while a top lays on his back fantasizing about a bottom, I'm usually on my back imagining being giving a hot cock in missionary position, and the ass-man that I am worshiping my top's flexing ass. Occasionally, I will have a topping fantasy while lying down. Imagining a bubble butt hottie is riding my dick. However, my usual fantasy while lying down has me as a bottom.

As I said before, this was not the first time I was asked the question of which do I prefer, and I paused in answering all those other times, too. This was just the first time I ever analyzed my pause, and explained it briefly out loud to the person asking.

With that said, what made me hold out on answering the question before and this time was because I felt if I said "bottom", that it would make people assume that I was a versatile bottom, which I'm not. And I'm not saying there's something wrong with anyone who is. I simply know that as I have said in the past, I'm a very accommodating lover. I can make myself into what you need me to be in order for you my playmate to feel comfortable and sexually satisfied. Primarily by being an erotic mirror to my partner. For being his erotic mirror means being the sexual opposite he needs to be fulfilled. And only someone 100% versatile can do that.

While I explained just a little bit as to why I prefer bottoming. I did wonder to myself as to why I felt the need to explain. And just as quick as I asked myself that question, I quickly gave myself a reply.

It's because like I said, so much in our community makes being a bottom seem like a bad thing. Especially if you're a gay black male bottom
And for any and every color and ethnicity, bottoming is not rewarded. It is instead punished and ridiculed.

Look at sites like Men.com, which I've complained about a lot for this reason. And NakedKombat which makes the loser of the wrestling match have to bottom, and the bottoms don't look pleased.
They even more so don't look pleased on ActiveDuty, where I recall one scene some years ago featuring a guy who was wincing while he bottomed. And later in the scene, when the wincing bottom was able to top,  a scene description pops up on the screen to say that the once-wincing bottom "gets his revenge". My feeling is that there would be no need for the once-wincing bottom to "get his revenge" if he was enjoying his bottoming experience in the first place.

The porn industry (gay or straight) has little care if the one being penetrated is experiencing pleasure or pain. Producers/directors' sole concern is that the penetrating top has a cumshot so they can say, "End of scene, so my bank goes ka-ching!"

So this post is me proudly claiming that YES, I'm versatile, and while I prefer bottoming, I don't tolerate none of the aforementioned is self-loathing shit were taught to take thanks to porn.

An example of bottoms being ridiculed in our everyday lives is a "joke" I was once told 2nd hand.

It goes a little something like, "What do you call a guy with a small dick?... Duh! A bottom."

That "joke" to me is nothing more than another sign of gays being their own worst enemy. By displaying overcompensating macho bullshit at a bottom's expense. So the only one to find this humorous is an ungrateful top with no respect for any of his bottoming partners.

And bottoms definitely deserve respect and praise. For it takes a lot of manhood to be a bottom when you consider how anal sex was once considered a means to demean one's manhood. So one finding pleasure in taking any size cock up the ass is without a doubt a signed of evolved manhood. Especially if a bottom is doing it without poppers. Therefore, since it's 2017, those who demean bottoming need to catch up with the times.

And I'm not just saying this because I prefer bottoming, and don't use poppers. The proof is seen with every bottom you  have ever played with, and gave you ass so good that after you came there was a smile formed by 2 holes on your body - 1) your mouth, and 2) the hole on your dick while it was shooting out your jizz load, and after.

So as I'm proclaiming my preference for bottoming, that does not mean that the ass-man that I also proclaim to be has died. I still have the lust to put my cock in a hot guy's  ass, and cum from its tight warmth inside, and seeing and feeling his buns jiggle on the outside.

However, I do get off on being underestimated, then becoming more powerful than you were told to believe. And my past sex tales as a bottom, plus my past, present, and future blog and social media posts all show how those of us who truly know how to bottom are far from the weak creatures we have been led to believe, and asked to portray. Hence why this confession was most necessary.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

He Fucked So Good, But You Didn't Know....

There was a guy I had seen a number of times on Adam4Adam as someone who checked out my profile. I saw him again on Grindr, and tried hitting him up to no avail. Also, a few times in between those Adam4Adam and Grindr instances, I ran into him in a bar backroom where we went down on each other. With each of those backroom encounters making me think that one of those sucking sessions would lead to one of our cocks going into the other's ass.

After a long while, one night recently it finally happened. He was letting this guy go down on him, while an older guy and an Asian tried getting in the mix. I was standing on the outskirts of them all just observing. However, when this former suitor looked up and saw me, he tried pulling me into the mix. Once I got pulled in, the Asian left.

Such racist Asians hope to fit in to racist white culture by assimilating racist whites in such instances. They either try knocking a smaller black man (like myself) out of the way, or like in this instance, they leave the group action adopting a "No Blacks" attitude. All the while justifying Karma to come for them in the future. Given them the same future those racist whites will endure. One of buying companionship (with prostitutes and tricking go-go boys), instead of genuine, affectionate companionship. Because Karma is just that bitch, and I love her for it.

Anyway, as his focus on me got more intense, the other 2 guys left. I often feel bad for guys in that predicament because I've been that guy who becomes an after-thought. And I usually part ways with a guy who does others that way. This time however, the difference is that we have a history of courting and playing together, which makes a great difference to me.

When the guy who was going down on him left, it left a space on the sofa. So my suitor sat there for me to go down on him. So with pleasure I did. I loved sucking his dick and groping his nice ass so much that I could feel the workout my jaw muscles were getting, but I kept going. Because if my ass wasn't going to massage and suck the cum out of him, my goal was to have my mouth do it. Then he said the magic words to me,....

"I want to fuck you."

I didn't know if he wanted it right there, or in the bathroom, which I knew was full of guys getting it on by that time. I soon got my answer when he led the way to the bathroom.

I was thrilled to see that my former, now present suitor was just as much of an exhibitionist as I am. I was also thrilled to see that while we were in a bathroom with a lot of other guys, I was his focus.

Besides his cock filling my ass, I also loved feeling the bare skin of his groin slap against my ass cheeks. I looked behind me to see the light make the sweat on his shoulders and chest glisten. With the sweat from his chest wetting my back more than it already was from my own sweat. And each turn back, his thrusts into me made the amount of sweat to see glistening grow.

For public sex, he was lasting awhile. Then I could hear the moans of a man on the verge of orgasm. With so many guys in that bathroom, and around us, I wasn't sure it was my playmate. It became obvious after piecing together his increasing hard thrusts and his cock throbbing more rapidly inside me. Not to mention his voice saying "I'm gonna cum". Initially indistinguishable because of him saying it during the onset of his orgasm.

Afterwards, he asked if I was coming back the next night, which was the underwear party. He said he was asking because he would definitely be there, but he wasn't using that revelation to pressure me into showing up. I told him there was no pressure, because I most likely would be there anyway. Unfortunately, due to the track record of many gay males, I didn't put much faith in seeing him the next night.

Well come the next night, he was there.

We greeted each other, and that was about it. At first. As the night progressed, I continued my usual routine of observing behavior. He didn't know this about me so while he was talking to a white regular. I was sitting on the side enjoying my accumulation of knowledge.

While he was talking to the regular, he looked over and saw me, then called me over. Since like I said before, he didn't know about my enjoying the art of observation, I don't know if his invitation was because he thought I was lonely, or because he really wanted me. Whatever the case, I went over thinking I would be brief, then move on. Wrong. He kept me around, which I didn't think was a good idea.

For I know the white regular he was talking to sometimes goes to play with other white guys at a black guy's house, but he himself doesn't play with black guys, With this reason in tow, I figured this was not going to be the most comfortable of groupings.

My playmate led us to the bathroom. Me and the regular made out with him one at a time. Unlike most 3-ways, for obvious reasons, a 3-way kiss never ensued this time. Eventually, the regular had enough of trying, and decided to leave. So me and my playmate picked up where we left off, and upped the ante on our playing. He undid his pants, and my anticipation of him unveiling his cock to me again made me feel like I could hear the sound of his button being pulled out through the button hole over the loud music. So as soon as I saw a slight glimpse of his dick beneath his pubes, I dropped to the floor to go down on him.

There was a guy there watching us. He never tried to intervene, but he did later try to copy us,and take credit for what we started (told in much greater detail in a 12/4/2016 Facebook post). There were others who intervened however. And because of them we stopped. We did later come back though. This time, our actions did all of the talking to say, "We know you're going to try to interrupt and crash our party, but we are going to fuck without you!"

So he put me up against the wall with me wearing for this underwear party, some thigh-high tube socks, a cut-off t-shirt, and a jockstrap. He put his hard cock in me, and I was loving his dick all over again. The socially inept tried coming in to put their hands where they shouldn't. But we were so into each other that we dismissed them, and made them have to live vicariously through another pairing, but not ours.

While I don't usually like it, this time my playmate pulled out. He had me give him a blowjob, then he shot his load in my mouth. I took no issue with it because the night before, I did get the pleasure of feeling his cock throb inside me due to my ass milking him so good. So the night before my ass tasted his milk, and this time, my mouth got to taste it.

Lastly, this may have been a great sex tale, one thing I did not reveal about this hot guy throughout the entire story is the fact that he's a drag queen. I don't know if he was aware that I knew that even before our Adam4Adam and Grindr sightings of each other. And it really shouldn't make a difference, but I'm telling this tale because his behavior exceeds the expectations too many gay males have about the sexuality of drag queens.

However, this is only 1 drag queen. So what conclusion can be made about others?....

You can find out in my 2nd post for my column "X-Rayed Sex" for the Tumblr blog, Thotyssey.

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