Monday, June 26, 2017

Who Is My Message of Resistance at The Pleasure Chest For?

NYC's Gay Pride was yesterday. I spent the day working with The Pleasure Chest as part of their street team. Handing out paint paddles, fans, condoms, and buttons.

Before that, we wrote names of LGBTQ inspirations and messages of resistance. I chose to do a message of resistance, much like the one I did on the window of the Upper East Side location.

I'm sure most names of inspirations and messages of resistance will at the most cause a fellow member of the LGBT community to in some way scream "YAAASSS!", with little chance of an anti-LGBT pedestrian even looking up to see the message to put them on notice. And such a more out gay presence near the West Village location, I chose to write the message:


It is a message that might not only make a fellow member of the LGBT community scream the aforementioned, but more so stop them in their tracks and make them see a mirror. A mirror they might not want to look in.

For that look at themselves might show how supporters of this country's present shit-show of a presidential administration are not the only ones exhibiting behaviors that need messages of resistance. Sad to say, but members of the LGBT community itself are also culprits.

If you don't think so, then please read on...

RACISM Almost every LGBT hero and/or sex symbol we are bombarded with is white. Or they are a light person of color that gay media uses to claim they are not racist when in fact they are. Even though there are plenty of medium to dark people of color who have accomplished just as great (or better) a feat, or been just as great (or even stronger) a voice.

As I have stated in the past, Queerty and  Instinct is such a perpetrator of this, and has gotten so cowardly in facing those who follow my lead in calling them out on it, they both have blocked me from commenting.

Also, most recently, the racial insensitivity to Philadelphia's unveiling of a gay flag including the colors of black and brown makes those white and assimilating people of color who claim to be anti-Trump to be the biggest of hypocrites. Ones whose souls are at a level of disgust that there are no words to describe how deplorable they make their existence. This is not to say that I didn't have my own feelings about it, but it was nothing compared to the racial insensitivity and selling out that I saw online from our own.

AGEISM The ageism in the LGBT community is also deplorable. For why is it immediately assumed when I walk into a gay bar, that because I'm over 30 that I'm to buy a 20-something a drink? Why do porn companies like Icon Male and Naked Sword prey upon the maladjustment of many gay males' daddy issues by sexualizing them, being one of those inciting those 20-somethings to make a fetish out of me for my age. Porn has done that to me enough for the color of my skin. I don't need porn doing it to me because of my age as well.

Also, why is it that when a model call is put out that as good as I and others 30+ have maintained themselves, we are denied the gig simply because of our age. Yet some of us have the looks, stamina, and discipline to get the job done better than the white/light 20-somethings hired?

Case in point with an example that compounds both ageism and racism.- There have been many nights when I've go-go danced in my 40s, and didn't stop dancing for 1.5 - 2 hours after I started. Meanwhile, many of these young white go-go boys today act so entitled that they get on the dancing box for 5 - 10 minutes, and then they disappear, and are hired again.

SEXISM The sexism in the LGBT community is also out of control. For there is no excuse for a female to be questioned about her presence in a male-dominated gay bar when she is with her gay best friend. Or when she is being so civilized, you wouldn't notice her unless you stood next to her, and/or she politely said "Hello". Yet, there are many gay males who get their knickers in a ball-crunching twist when she is civilized.  I know many females come in with their overcompensating flamboyant male friends. But let the female show themselves before judging them. The same way you don't want to be judge based on the behavior of a few bad seed gay males in our community.

This sexism also translates into transphobia. The kind of transphobia that makes transgender people not tell you they are transgender until after the fact. Such as the instance I spoke of in my Thotyssey post, "X-Ray Sex: The Transgender Surprise".

So you see, the message of resistance is not only necessary to be addressed to the racism, sexual assaults, misogyny, and narcissism that presently runs our country. It also needs to be addressed to ourselves. And it's a reason why there are gays considering strapping themselves into some form of a "Conversion Therapy Horror Chair".

Friday, June 23, 2017

I'm Mr. Handsome NYC 2017

This past Wednesday, I took part in a contest held at the NYC club, Paddles. It was to crown a winner to be named Mr. Handsome NYC 2017.

If you're any degree a loyal follower of this blog, then you're probably aware that Handsome NYC is the name of a sex party held Wednesday nights at Paddles, and at Rainbow Playground on Sundays. And yes, this contest is from the same host.

A contest that I won. Yes, I am the reigning Mr. Handsome NYC 2017.

The reason I kept silent about my participation in the contest is because:
1) I didn't want to jinx my chances, and;
2) unlike contests like Mr. Nude York, in order to win, I wasn't reliant upon fan attendance to counter the white/light favoring and black fetishizing racism in much of NYC's gay nightlife patronage. The Mr. Handsome NYC Contest was chosen by a panel of judges. Some of whom judged the Mr. Paddles contests that I've entered and lost in the past. Losses, like mine to Mr. Paddles 2016 Mickey Carpathio, which I know I deserved.

Well this time, I am at last a contest winner. And being a winner in most pageant-like contests, there is a responsibility to be carried out by me. Such is the case with this contest.

For during my reign as Mr. Handsome NYC 2017, I have the responsibility of hosting at least one fundraising party at Paddles.

So yes, this will be my chance to as I have always considered, to host a sex party. In my mind, I am already choosing music to play, and video clips to show during the party. All I need now is a charity or organization to benefit, and then to set a date.

So THANKS to the producer, MC, judges, contestants, and all of my supporters, past, present, and future.
And once I choose this fundraiser's charity and set a date, if you're in NYC, I do hope to see you there. Fucking for a fuckin' good cause!

Let me close with this Facebook post of news of my post-win celebrating.

This story should not come as a surprise. After all, I was at Paddles.
A post shared by LeNair Xavier (@lenairxavier) on

Friday, June 16, 2017

Return To Porn?...But My Butt Demands

On September 23, 2009, I officially announced my retirement from studio-based gay porn. Have I ever wanted to make a comeback? All of the time. I love being naked, and I love being an exhibitionist. So on initial thought, I'm quite often ready to throw my name back in the hat.

What stops me is my nature of always seeing the big picture. Whether the vision comes in a split second or over a few months, when I get an idea in my head, I always look to see the chains leading to, and more importantly, the chains resulting from my actions if I dare to proceed.

The reason I had issues with the gay porn industry before is because they refused to acknowledge their responsibility in influencing gay male sexual behavior. Well, I mean when it suits their pockets anyway. I've named names of some of the guilty parties enough times in the past, so I don't need to do it again.

Now, if I ever was to make a return, my butt would have certain demands. Why my butt? Well let that start off my list by saying, MY BUTT DEMANDS:

1) Staying a Bottom On Camera
The porn industry seemed to finally take my advice about using black bottom when the Recession hit. I'm sure it was because the Recession made porn studios get desperate to find something their so-called minds called "new" to show porn viewers. This change of more black males bottoming ran for a bit. However, once the economy got back on track, many studios went right back to the same old formula for interracial porn of uber-aggressive black gorilla nigger tops with a wincing, whiny white or light Latino bottom.

Now, while I do see an improvement, the damage from black porn actors and their low self-esteem still accepting parts in racist scenarios is still visible. Thw results can easily be seen at sex parties, bar backrooms, and on hook-up websites and apps. As racist whites and other non-blacks claiming to not be racist, YET they're on the hunt for #BBC (Big Black Cock).

I'm a more confident and skilled top now than I was back then, and could be one of the few black tops in porn showing some civility to non-blacks during sex. However, because I still see that lacking of black bottoms with non-blacks in porn and transferring into the real world, if I returned to porn, I would return as a bottom.

2) Genuine Attraction
I have never been an escort, but when I did gay porn, the ratio of those porn actors who escorted and those who didn't (like myself) was 50/50. Now, that ratio has grown to a much higher percentage of porn actors also escorting. And I didn't then, nor do I now want to have sex with prostitutes. I want the sex I have on camera to be with exhibitionists, like myself. I need to know that my scene partner is really into me. Him putting his beautiful cock in my ass, or him giving me his hole to fill to not be first and foremost about it being a job. I want us both to view the sex for that video in the same way I view a career - something you would do for free, with money as a fringe benefit.

Now, while a scene with an escort is not my 1st choice, I'm not totally ruling it out. For I could do a scene with a guy(s) who escorts. The catch is he would have to be someone I've at the least made out with before when I met him off the clock and/or unaware of his escorting. That way I can guarantee myself great sex that our audience wouldn't have to (even subconsciously) wonder about whether or not our chemistry is real.

3) Little to No Acting
Porn sex is real sex. It's not a simulated scene like Heath Ledger's supposed spit-lube fucking of Jake Gyllenhaal in "Brokeback Mountain". Gay porn is real dicks in real asses. And the only acting should be the dialogue to set up the fantasy. Everything from the come-hither eyes to the passion of the 1st kiss to the orgasms should be real.

With that said, I would personally like to cut the bullshit chatter, and get right to showing an audience the action. Much like Dark Alley Media and Treasure Island Media do their scenes. I have had my criticisms of them over time, but I will give credit where credit is due.

4) No pullouts
In my bottoming, I want no pull-outs when my top is cumming. For me to return, be it a condom or bareback scene, the camera-person better find some angle to get a shot of my top's taint and/or cock throbbing when he is cumming. Because I want the audience to see us pleasured how we would be if the cameras were not there. And when I bottom, my tops don't pullout. I get a mental orgasm from feeling his cock throbbing in my ass from his cumming.

The only way I get to see his jizz is by him jerking off.

Yes, I am well aware that this rule would deny viewers to see my sex partner's jizz. Well, as a friend of mine pointed out that the "necessity" for cumshots is because it's seen as proof that the sex happened. Well, as far as I'm concerned... you know the sex happened. You saw it when you watched my top passionately pound the fuck out of me. So there's your proof.

With that, me and my top can freely fuck without him worrying about pulling out when he gets real close to cumming. And if we go bareback, don't expect me to push out a single drop. The most you can hope for is the camera-person getting a shot of a string of cum attached to his dick and the cum he put inside me as he pulls out of my ass. For my tight hole closes up right away. It's loose enough to easily be re-entered by my playmate, but tight enough to hold in his jizz, which it will do without me focusing on it. Because when I let a guy go raw and cum in my ass, it means I'm really into him, and my body instinctively wants to hold any remnants of him that it can after he ejaculates.

Only if all of those demands are met would I return to porn. And I wouldn't do it if a studio only planned to follow these demands for me alone. No. I want these to be their ongoing staples in their productions. Making their porn worth spending money for. Because at the moment, if you tell me that you pirated a studio-based porn movie, you will get no look of disapproval from me. For so many studios doing the opposite of my demands have made their own product not worth the money.

However, I do pause about whether or not to put such an offer for a return out there. For looking at the aforementioned big picture of my life now, I see my life on an upswing since leaving porn. Proof being how the roads leading to a lot of the good going on in my life now started not only when I retired from gay porn, but when I started talking openly and honestly about my good and bad experiences in it. And that open and honest talk came from my poetry reading/Q & A when I read my poetry series, The Industry., which was the when I announced officially retiring calling myself by my porn name "Tré Xavier".

But it is often said to never say never. So if I'm to ever put myself in front of a porn studio's camera, what my butt demands is something that can be summed up in one word.


And the changes my butt requires of the industry for me to come back has yet to happen. Everything from the racial make-up of the cast, to the mindset of today's porn actors, the porn industry has not learned from its past mistakes. It's still a hotbed for the selfish racists, the emotional cowards, the depressed, and the self-loathing, and the substance abusers trying to avoid dealing with how they are 1 or more of the aforementioned, with producers and directors being leeches ready to profit from those woes. So porn actors will keep dying by substance abuse and suicide. Therefore, that negative stigma about the industry won't go away anytime soon.

So until that happens, the gay porn industry can keep being the sinkhole to hell for Broken & Lost Boys. When they get above ground and out of hell, OR fool me enough to think they have by offering my above demands, THEN I'll make a return. And if they succeed at fooling me, I will do what I've always done when I get my wake-up call about a matter halting my growth.

I'll own my fuck-up, and put all involved (myself included) on blast for it.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

The Bible of Gay Sex is BLASPHEMY

The publishing company Bruno Gmunder published a book last year titled "The Bible of Gay Sex". I flipped through this book, and all I saw was white and light-complexioned Latino porn actors. Images to say that they are the epitome of sex and sex appeal, and all the rest of us are only worth being their voyeurs. And to be sure, I flipped through this book a number of times to make sure I didn't miss a person of color that wasn't considered "passing" like light-complexioned Latinos are by the white-preferring racists of our community.

I say "white-preferring racists" because in addition to whites, there are Blacks, Middle Easterners, and Asians who have been brainwashed by the racist domination of media, and the racist ignorance of their native cultures to also play a part in perpetrating the idea of "white is right".

In my Aries stubbornness and 6th sense telling me there was a black model to be found, I one day did indeed find a black model. Only one, so it was a bittersweet find, because that meant, as usual, they were practicing tokenism with black males. Then in a fraction of a second, the bittersweet became a little sweeter. For the black model was....bottoming.
Yes, you read correct. A muscular black model bottoming.

Since showing black males bottoming with white sex partners was one of my goals in my getting into gay porn, I was quite happy to see this.

But the remaining fraction of a second made the bittersweet find that turned a tad sweeter fall into being sour then vomit-inducing spoiled. For this muscular black male bottoming in the photo was doing so... while snorting lines of cocaine.

So Bruno Gmunder, saw fit to publish a gay sex education book depicting its sole black male as a drug addict.

With Bruno Gmunder as the book's publisher, that means they have final say. That by no means exonerates those in the chain before this book went to print for their part in this racist depiction of black males during gay sex. In this case, that would be Cazzo Film Berlin, Steffen Kwelke (layout and illustrations), picture editor Simeon Morales, Dolph Caesar (final layout), and Zwei G Consult (production).

My annoyance is because I'm tired of the limiting view of black males. Depictions orchestrated by racist white males and their sexual insecurities. Expanding for the better their depiction of black males in one way, while shitting on us more so than before in another, which in turn evens out to no progress at all. For the sheer purpose in their so-called minds is to still have us blacks "kept in their place". All of this done with these whites having an unjust sense of entitlement thinking that we blacks should not complain, because "at least a black male was featured".

Furthermore, why is the black male the drug abuser? Because based on my many inter-ethnic multi-colored encounters, be they 1-on-1 or in a group with me as the only black male in the room, my sole black self is the only person in the room not participating in substance abuse. Not even poppers. So this false imagery of white/light complexioned males being the epitome of sex and sex appeal really needs to stop. Especially when my position is further proven by how many more white/Latino porn actors die each year than blacks, or how in a bar/club with multi-colored patronage, how more often than blacks is it a white/Latino gay male thrown out for being under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

For those who are really the epitome of sex and sex appeal don't need such substances to invite, incite, or participate in sex. Their natural, untainted sex drive makes all of that happen.

So I am also annoyed by how such imagery and more porn is perpetrating that a bottom can't get through a fuck without substance abuse. Even poppers. And I don't care whether or not what is written in that book counters substance abuse like it should. Due to the aforementioned racist display and negligence on the part of the Bruno Gmunder, and all other parties, this photo in 2016 furthers porn's influence into our sex lives, and not for the better. For it still depicts bottoms as the position of weakness in gay sex. When in fact, such a bottom is not the weakness, but the weaker. For a strong top doesn't want a bottom weak bottom that needs drugs to get through a fuck. Therefore, the top is also weak for tolerating, and most likely inciting the substance abuse, and the bottom is weaker for following.

I predicted "The Bible of Gay Sex" was a racist shit-show as soon as I saw an endorsement on the back cover from of all creatures, Chi Chi LaRue.
With his trifling "Blackballed" series inciting naive white males to make sex with black males a fetish, and a history of movies that make blacks seem otherwise non-existent, therefore unworthy (in his eyes) of sexual notoriety, it's no surprise that he would endorse something putting us black males in a bad light.

With all of that said, I don't care how correct the information on gay sex may or may not be in this book. Because the packaging is DISRESPECTFUL. And I feel every gay male, regardless of their color/ethnicity should feel that way. And in response, boycott buying "The Bible of Gay Sex", and boycott anything from Bruno Gmunder until they cease printing on that edition, and come back with a more respectable edition. One that is way more praising and respectful of color diversity. Like a real book to be considered a "bible" should be.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

How A Versatile Bottom Tops

Many versatile bottoms top so seldom that when they do top, they surprise even themselves. At least that's been the claim of every versatile bottom that has topped me. Well my thought is they have a dick, and all of our cock's naturally crave to penetrate or be massaged for stimulation. Even if it's the palm of our own hand. So a bottom suddenly deciding to top is not an impossibility. A fact I can definitely testify to.

For it seems that I have a history of leading versatile bottoms to have topping moments. The way these moments came about was by me not doing muchThis leads me to wonder what did I do, or what do I have to make them feel so comfortable and confident about topping me.  Well, I've come to realize that it's at least 3 of these 4 things:

Give them the option
As I mentioned earlier, my bottoming for versatile bottoms often resulted from me without warning, being put into a bottoming position when I initially thought that they would be assuming that position. Such was the case with my playmate from "Prince Albert Goes Inside". I showed up intending to be a top, got rimmed by my intended bottom, then the next thing I knew, he lubed up my ass, and put his cock in me, fucking my ass hard for almost 45 minutes straight. Some would say instances such as that border on rape. I beg to differ. For as the old saying goes, "you can't rape the willing". And that's what has happened each time for me.

Early on in our meeting, I asked if they were top, bottom, or versatile. They at first say "bottom", then they say "versatile bottom". If I reveal my being versatile after, I always tell them that if at any time they feel the desire to top me, don't be afraid to take advantage. And I've enjoyed each time they took advantage.

Don't dwell on it
When I tell a versatile bottom to not be afraid to take advantage, I tell them that one time, and if I see them more than once, I hardly ever bring it up again. I might say that they have a beautiful dick, but I'm not pressuring them to put that beautiful cock inside my ass. It's more so to give them a blowjob. 

Because with no huffing on poppers required - I love, love, LOVE, LOVE sucking dick. The entire journey of it from looking at it up close before it goes in my mouth, to the taste of its head and skin. And I love to taste and swallow the cum that fills my mouth because of my cocksucking skills. And I always let any bottom I'm sucking on know that's why I'm so eager to suck their cock. The discussion about him topping me, was already said and done, so moving on.... until he's ready.

Give them confidence
You have to give a versatile bottom confidence that they are not less of a man because they bottom. I feel the need to give them that confidence because gay males are too often their own worst enemy by stigmatizing being a bottom. Or being versatile, like myself for that matter. Because it's a common act in porn for bottoms to be belittled, and a common "joke" in gay comedy and drag shows in a demeaning way to label someone as a bottom when they admit to being any degree versatile. Because of this, a versatile bottom doesn't often feel confident enough to admit to their own versatility. For most of the gay male community has now been taught to not acknowledge it. So I try to let my invitation to let them top me give them a safe place for their versatility to shine.

For if you help a guy that's any degree of a bottom to feel that bottoming does not lessen their manhood, it might lessen their anxiety in using their dicks as part of the play when their with you. I surmise that media-induced anxiety might also be a reason why so many bottoms use poppers to  loosen up. Because if you're truly confident in your bottoming, even if it takes a couple of tries, you'll relax to accommodate the cock(s) you want to take in with no chemical required.

Due to the aforementioned confidence-killers, you instilling confidence in your partner is also necessary if your versatile bottom is not that well-endowed. When you give him the option to top you, if he notes the size of his cock as a reason why he doesn't top, inform him as to how you're not a size-queen. Now, I did say as a previous step to not dwell on it. In this case, if he brings up doubt about his size more than once, then you re-assure him each time as a response.

Have a nice ass
This is what in the introduction of this list that I was referring to as the "what do I have" to inspire versatile bottoms to top me. And it makes perfect sense for it to be so. I'm sure that my sexcapades in which I inspired a versatile bottom to top would have never happened if not for the aforementioned previous steps, as well as me having this ass that I am often complimented on.

This is not to say that using the previous 3 steps without what you think is a great ass won't inspire a versatile bottom to top you if you want him to. Because just like giving our hearts to love is inspired by traits within a person, those same traits within a partner can also create that spark to make us give our bodies to lust.

With only 4 steps, it doesn't take a lot of steps to get a versatile bottom unsure to his topping skills to become more self-assured. What it might take a lot of however is patience. For the damaged done to the male ego by the aforementioned confidence-breakers might take awhile to undo. So if you're willing to wait it out, you may in due time get a truly versatile bottom. One that might even go from versatile bottom, to totally versatile.

Either way, your patience will be rewarded.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Booty Almighty Tastes The Rainbow

If you've been following me long enough, you might recall about 5 years ago on a Sea Tea cruise, an incident happened where it may have been insinuated that my ass was fake like that of some gay pornstars. I still get compliments on my butt today, but some still border on that insinuation. So it was easy to have enough of a flashback to that evening (and others since) to write my poem, "Booty Almighty" as a fired-up, but kinda sexy response.

Well, now you get a chance to see this ass in action. I used an 8" dildo rainbow-colored dildo to be symbolic of all of the colors of skin that make up the human race, I made this video as a means to make a statement to counter the "preference" plaguing our community that is really colorism and sexual racism.

So I took Skittles advice and allowed my ass to taste the rainbow. And I think we all should indulge in that pleasures of the rainbow. The skin rainbow, and without fetishizing a single color in it. Enjoy and have a blast.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Sexual Narrow Mind

Many things in the gay community dictate the perceptions and sexpectations we gay males have of one another. Based on everything  from our skin color, age, exhibitionism level, sexual orientation, etc.

The problem is... many of them lead to life as a lonely single gay male, using certain sexual exploits to overcompensate.

Unfortunately, the main influencers to this problem among us are once again, gay media, porn, and nightlife. For our straight parents can't tell us what it means to be a gay male. Add to that how many running outlets of those aforementioned gay sources tell you to do away with even the decent principles your straight parents taught you, you will then end up with gay males having ignorant and limiting outlooks.

Sadly, they will always be the main contributors to this problem until a complete overhaul is done. One that adds new blood to surge through the veins of these influential sources. New blood from those who are more self-assured, ethical, non-racist, therefore more representational of our country's rainbow of skin color. When that happens the relevance of poems like "Sexual Narrow Mind" will no longer be.

Sexual Narrow Mind from LeNair Xavier on Vimeo.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

It's All BUTT Love - Social Media Experiement

What does it take to do all of those Facebook Live, Instagram, and Snapchat videos? Considering how many of them show such mundane instances in one's day, one should wonder how much time they are wasting by watching them.

Case in point, I don't need to see you grocery shopping. Or walking to work. Or walking to your next gig... All with a stoic look on your face. IDGAF because...


And the answer is...


This has always ran through my mind, but I thought more deeply about this while making the following video I posted on Instagram:

Afterwards, I left everything but my smartphone and the my Tenga Flip Zero. Did what I said I was going to do with my Flip Zero, then went to bed. When I woke up the following morning, I came up with the idea to give this narcissistic craze a whirl. But to make it not be totally pointless, I still made it contribute to my brand.

So I decided to dance naked. I  told you I contributed to my brand. With every decision from the song, how much of the song, as well as how much of my body would show was decided upon, set up a tad more, and shot in less than an hour.

My decision after this was if it took that much work to quickly put together something that might actually contribute to the part of my brand meant to showcase the sex appeal of males over 30, especially of color, then what the fuck is wrong with the social skills of guys who take the time to post videos that contribute absolutely nothing to their brand.

It's fuckin' ridiculous!!!

Well, this is the end result of that experiment. It has gotten 800+ views at the time of writing this post. So I hope my snap decision to do this experiment contributes to my brand of representing being black, sexy, fit, high energy, while over 40.

What do you think?

It's All Butt Love from LeNair Xavier on Vimeo.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Webcam Sites & OhMiBod... Oh My God, Their Greed!

Have you ever heard of OhMiBod? You might have seem them on gay webcam sites. If so, there's very likely a problem you don't know about, but we need to address.

The problem is that some of these webcam models are using OhMiBod toys that are not made for anal use at all. Proof of them not being anal-safe is their lack of a base to work against the suction abilities of the rectum. So from here on out remember that all sex toys that are truly anal-safe have a base.

With that said, the webcam models are not using the toys in a fashion that could possibly make them anal-safe. And there is a way to make them anal-safe. The reason I won't tell it here is because I am not doing the work OhMiBod should have done, which is to pass that information on to webcam sites before striking up such a deal. They all allowed their greed to lead them along the irresponsible route, so let them pay the price. Because I am not picking up where they fucked up.

Especially after how back in January, I wrote the following tweet addressing this matter:
As you can see, I tagged OhMiBod along with 2 webcam sites.

and RandyBlueLive.

You can see why those 2 sites. For if you look closely, you can see the words "OhMiBod" on the screen advertising their use of OhMiBod's product. So would you believe I never got a tweeted response back from any of them?That says to me that either:
  1.  they don't deem me as a qualified source of information; 
  2. because of my level of notoriety, they don't see me as a threat publicly addressing this; 
  3. they are so arrogant about their collaboration and the money made at the risk of these models' health that they simply don't care, or;
  4. a combination of at least 2 of the aforementioned.
A clear sign of the greed involved is how OhMiBod's website does have a link that says Rear Gear. However, not a single OhMiBod toy you see those models using on the aforementioned cam sites is on that page.

Every OhMiBod toy used on webcam sites are the toys marketed for remote controlled stimulation of the clitoris and/or vagina. So these toys should not be used anally by a male, or a female.
If you recall the aforementioned tweet, I included a hashtag that says #AnalToysNeedABase". Now, feel free to enlarge and look closely at each of those screenshots. Do you see a base on either of those toys? I don't. And that is a recipe for disaster, Especially if someone who doesn't have a tight enough hole tries to do what these and other webcam models are doing.

And between guys doing poppers, fisting, and/or being size-queens without doing Kegels, there are a lot of buttholes out there that are loose. Loose enough to have these toys vibrate right up inside them, resulting in a trip to an emergency room.

Who knows. Maybe one of your favorite webcam models is already a casualty. For it he has ever suddenly disappeared from their live show, and came back no longer playing with such toys, now you know a possible reason why.

This deal between OhMiBod and these webcam sites was made in total disregard for the hashtag:


So in this matter, I hold OhMiBod way more responsible than the webcam sites or their models. For one, a sex toy company should know better. Meanwhile, webcam sites are like porn actors and most of the porn industry since it's an industry of, not fucking how you know is right, but instead fucking how you're told to. Sadly, in order to remain relevant, performers do the latter. They do what they are told. Putting their faith in directors and website owners who know nothing, and don't take the time to learn because they are too busy being leeches living vicariously through the desperation for validation by the performers. So in the end,... most in the porn industry have no fucking clue about mentally and physically healthy sex.

With that said, unless they have a degree or done thorough scientific reading about sex, most of these sites (especially gay sites) that use pornstars are teachers are doing a disservice to the community.

So what right do I have to be a teacher. It's not just the training I got from my present day job at The Pleasure Chest. It's because for years before working there, even before losing my virginity, I was using the photos in books about sex as masturbation material, but also reading the surrounding literature.

That knowledge has led me to be able to say all of this. Which needs to be said because the love of this idea of using OhMiBod toys not meant to be used anally has gotten to the point that there are compilation videos on tube sites of guys using these toys. I even found a video of Bel Ami pornstar Kevin Warhol using one in a cam show.

Now, based on all that I have said, you might watch these videos and get off on them so much that you shoot a load of jizz so plenty and poorly landing that it shorts out your laptop. But try using those toys yourself in that fashion. If you are one of those who might possibly have a loose hole for the aforementioned reasons, your outcome might not be so lucky.

Even with my extreme sexual curiosity and self-proclaimed tight hole, I refuse to chance trying these toys. Hence why I'm recommending the same for you.

So this post is not about slamming a toy company, or webcam sites. It's about me sticking to my mission before, during, and more so after porn:
Putting you in the know about things that can enhance, maintain, or damper your sexual ecstasy.

Using OhMiBod toys in this fashion has too high a risk of being a damper. And we can't have that.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

From Porn to Poet, ...Who Would've Predicted?

April 1, 2005...

That was the day of my gay porn debut. Performing a solo show for the now extinct website, Back when most live online sex shows had a host. Unlike today, with the models doing all of the work themselves.

I got the gig by answering an ad in the (also extinct) NYC gay nightlife magazine, HX. With the plans of using it, and every porn gig after to become a known pornstar. So I could do for others questioning their sexual orientation what gay porn had done for me. That being ---showing me gay/bi males comfortable with their sexuality. So I thought.

After learning most pornstars are anything but comfortable with their sexuality, my blogging, which I initially began to promote my porn persona of "Tré Xavier", transformed into a means to wake up the gay community to how gay porn is not the influence and inspiration to our sexual behavior that many emulate, but by no means should.

Unfortunately, the Borg-like racist white domination of the gay porn industry and gay media gave me few opportunities to be heard. Hence why some of my blogged messages to the community to this day have been slow to grow throughout the community. OR have been stolen by those gay media sites never responding to my inquiries about handling the subject matter. In which case, the story is handed off to either white authors, or a different author of color. In either case, handling the issue with kid gloves, which underrates its severity. And in the case of a white author, them having no firsthand experience of what we people of color must endure too often leads to an article that preaches to the choir. Instead of enlightening those whites whose racism want their new knowledge coming from a white source.

Between trying to fight porn directors' and performers' racism, selfishness, prostitution, being gay-for-pay bitches in denial, and an "every-man-for-himself" mindset, I finally owned how much "fun" the gay porn industry was NOT. So on September 23, 2009, I announced my retirement from the industry.

After announcing that retirement, I had a state of saying to myself, "What now?"

Along with that "what now?", I also had to figure out how to silence the ghosts. The ghosts of the gay porn industry that haunted me because I had all of this knowledge about it that could put a stop to many misconceptions, but they only lived in my head... At least for the moment. 

Then one day, a poem popped in my head. I used to write poetry all the time as a kid, which then morphed into songwriting when I started having aspirations to be a singer. So that poem was me going back to some good basics.

After that poem however, came another, then another, then another, then another. All about stories of what I've witnessed in the gay porn industry. Now, I had to get the stories out there. So I approached Men of All Colors Together/NY about doing a poetry reading, and Q & A, simply titled "The Industry". And they said, YES.

The host of one of the sex parties I attended at the time promoted the event in his emails. The clothes check guy at the last party I attended before the event said, "Something good is going to come out of this, you watch."

While my outside voice said to him, "From your mouth to God's ears", my inside voice thought, "This guy is off his fuckin' rocker! Ain't shit going to come out of this, but a one-night-only release of a few behind-the-scenes porn stories."

Well, I'm man enough to admit when I have been proven wrong. For not only did it get gay porn blog coverage due to a live impromptu debate between myself and token black guy of the time, Diesel Washington. More importantly was me waking up the next morning to an email from someone who was in attendance at my reading.

By reading the email, this person acknowledged his connection to The Leslie-Lohman Museum of Gay & Lesbian Art, which resulted in the nude modeling I did for their drawing studio. As well as his being on the board for The Rainbow Book Fair. Hence why I have been in the lineup for their Poetry Salon since the year of my poetry reading, 2011.

And I am pleased to announce that I have been invited back again.

So April 29th. I hope to see you there.

Who would have predicted that 12 years from the first time I stepped in front of a porn industry's camera that I would be where I am now?

Someone slowly but surely gaining notoriety as an erotic poet, erotic storyteller, sex toy reviewer,  and sex blogger. In short, to some, a sexpert.

Well, I never saw it coming. But I'm also not mad about it. For it has saved me from an outcome of most porn actors, both living and dead. My exhibitionist spirit still lives, and my creative talents are not stalemated.

Just goes to show how all it takes is one right person to have faith in you.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

A Hummingbird Rides A Magic Wand

Sometime ago, I made a video with a Magic Wand and a male attachment for it called a Hummingbird. That was with the old Magic Wand before they came out with a rechargeable one.

Well, I have recently acquired a rechargeable Magic Wand, and decided to make a better video. One that is more hands free to see if a Magic Wand with a Hummingbird makes less work for us guys.

So here's 3 minutes and 47 seconds to give you an answer... An answer you'll actually get about 2 minutes in....

Sunday, March 19, 2017


I've been deliberating about this for awhile now, but I'm entering again.

Gay media has puked out foul messages about medium to dark men of color, and men 30+ for the longest. Saying we either never had naked sex appeal because of our color, or we lose our naked sex appeal because of our age. Well, someone needs to take a stand and flip the bird to that.

So for me, while winning would be nice, it's not about winning. It's about not sitting in the crowd. For I feel sitting in the crowd when your have the goods to take to the stage confirms those aforementioned foul messages. So I hope to see you there to cheer me on.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Poppers & Pjur

Many gay males are first introduced to poppers when they bottom, and some top urges them to use poppers as an aid to make the bottom loosen up their buttholes. The main reasons for this is because:

  1. the bottom complains of pain because they did not properly prepare themselves for anal sex;
  2. the top can't maintain an erection to enter or proceed with the sex, because of a bottom's tightness, or;
  3. the top doesn't want to put in the work to relax their bottoming playmate for their entry.
If none of these are at play, then that user of poppers is using them out of addiction. An addiction that might have started out of one or more of the aforementioned reasons. So if you fit in that criteria, reading on is still very much advised. For if you take note of the source of your present harm, you can begin stopping yourself from doing further harm.

Many gay males still believe poppers aid them in bottoming. And more and more it seems, they have passed this idea on to their straight female friends. So this is a post of extreme concern. For as I have said numerous times before, poppers are a chemical. A chemical that if you were to drink that bottle instead of huff from it, you would wind up either extremely sick, or dead. And while you think huffing on it does no harm because no reports have come out to tell you otherwise, there's a simple reason for that.

The reason agencies and sex shops aren't more vigilant in telling you the truth of what poppers are doing to your body is because they're money-makers. The problem is that they are money makers at the expense of your health. All because you believed a lie.

These agencies won't tell you otherwise because most of them are anti-gay. Therefore, poppers are a money-maker to further their agenda of making us seem like our "lifestyle" makes us more prone to substance abuse than their "straight" "Christian" selves. And it's bad for a sex shop to sell them for poppers work to the detriment of your sexual health, not the bettering of it.

This is not to say that I have never had a sexual encounter that made me consider using poppers. However, my initial attempts at using them resulted in me still feeling the pain poppers were to supposedly avoid. So with my being a substance experimenter, but not an abuser, as well as being aware of the stigma of how being gay and being a substance abuser go hand in hand, I was determined to enjoy a cock chemically-free. So my Aries stubbornness and determination kicked in. Making me find a way to enjoy the feeling of a dick inside me. Without any harmful chemicals entering my body, then altering my mind. which would in turn make me not experience to the fullest the natural high that comes from a skilled top's dick sliding back and forth and throbbing in my ass tunnel.

With that goal, I realized that all you need is a good lube, desire, and relaxing oneself naturally to take in a cock. For I have been with guys who are thin to beer-can thick, short and long in length, as well as being in 1-on-1, tag teamed, gangbanged, and even once double penetrated. And even my most challenging of those sexual encounters were void of poppers.

By this point, I had already figured out how to have (with the exception of initial entry) pain-free anal sex. So it was out of total curiosity that after hearing that it contains jojoba oil to naturally relax the sphincter muscles, I one day bought a bottle of Pjur Back Door.

My 1st experimentation with Pjur Back Door was not on myself actually. It was on a fuck-buddy. He normally topped me. One day, he messaged me for a hook-up while I was at work. So I told him I would not be able to clean myself out like I normally would. I guess he wanted to play with me so much that he offered to bottom for me. I figured the tight hole of a guy who usually tops is the perfect guinea pig to see if Pjur Back Door really works.

I got to my fuck-buddy's place. After foreplay, he got on all fours making his nice ass available to me. I put some Pjur Back Door on him, and I slid right into him.

Then I had a hook-up where I tried it on myself. It turned out that the guy I hooked up with also used Pjur Back Door. He was my height, had a huge cock, but he fucked my ass harder than anyone I can recall. Totally dominating me. Yet, even during his initial entry into my ass, I felt no pain. I LOVED every second of it. Likely because the minute or so that it takes for the jojoba oil to do its job had already started by the time he entered me.

Jojoba oil doesn't smell like flowers, fruit, or candy. Nor does it smell like shit. However, because it makes the silicone lube have any scent at all, it will make those uneducated about jojoba oil think you have an accident to take care of, Even though you actually don't.

I first discovered this at my first attendance of an interracial sex party called Swirl. A couple of guys tried fooling around with me. They toyed with my hole. Realized I was already lubed up. Smelled their fingers, then left me alone. Knowing that I was beyond clean for this party, I put the pieces together, and realized that the light scent of the jojoba oil in the lube is what was making them take a step back.

Well, I guess one of the guys either got a quick education on jojoba by someone else, or he was just that horny for my ass. For sometime later, he came up behind me, directed me to a nearby bed, laid me down on my stomach, and pounded the holy fuck out of me.

Keep in mind that Pjur Back Door is made for more intense anal play, while Pjur's Analyse Me, which also contain jojoba oil is made for regular anal play. When I initially decided to get one of the two, I went for Back Door because it was me having one lube on hand for all of the anal play that I'm into. Including that next double-penetration that I hunger to experience.

Like Pjur's anal lubes, there are some other anal lubes that have natural ingredients. The difference between Pjur anal lubes and most other silicone-based anal lubes is that the natural ingredient in those other lubes usually contain clove oil. Clove oil is a natural ingredient, but it causes numbness, which will turn off that natural signal from your body to tell you that something is wrong - PAIN.

The jojoba oil in Pjur's anal lubes does not do that. With jojoba oil, your pain receptors are still on.

With this new information, please do a service to yourself and others. To yourself, stop believing the lie that poppers help you to bottom.

As a further service to yourself and others (such as sex shop customer assistants), stop putting yourself in the line of fire. For when you buy them in a sex shop, calling them "poppers" shows illegal intent. So you never know when a dutiful police officer might stop by. Enforcing whatever punishment they are permitted to give when they witness you asking for poppers by that term, and to the sex shop staffer directing you away from the word "poppers". For the only reason in this day and age for them to be sold in a sex shop is illegal.

Now, I'm am not going to mislead you here. Pjur silicone lube is by no means cheap. However, you are getting more quality to your sex and your life by spending money on Pjur's anal relaxing lubes than you would by spending that money on poppers.

I would like to use this post to advise Pjur to make small 10 mL bottles for sale. They're about the size of a small bottle of poppers. This way instead of you carrying a slowly, but surely brain cell-killing bottle of poppers in your pocket or sock, you can instead carry a quality lube. A lube that can relax your sphincter muscles like poppers do, but without the risk to your physical or mental health like poppers, and best of all, giving a nice, smooth ride in anal play. Regardless of what your role is in anal play.

The Pjur anal lubes that I mentioned here don't only come in silicone. They also come in water-based as well with hyaluron, instead of jojoba oil. Due to my success with the silicone-based version, I thought I would try their water-based ones for my sex toys. And you get to see the results for yourself. For if that bottle looks at all familiar to you as seeing it on this blog before, it's because you have.

It's the lube that I used in my video "Poppers,... We Don't Need No Stinkin' Poppers!" So I'll leave you with this sight, and your consideration of what I've said here.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Breeding Black Armor By White Insecurity

People are the products of their environment. These environments have often programmed their proclaimed standards long before you met them. If those standards contradict your own, those signs of that environment might fade a bit in your presence. Unfortunately, like a computer, they often reboot in that person when they leave your presence.

So since most media, events, and the most-respected people in gay society do not teach inclusiveness, we have moments where some (mainly blacks) get overwhelmed feeling like the outsider. Even if they normally forge head-first into the situation as a means to combat it, like myself.

Such a situation has people wearing an armor, even if the event has us totally naked. And with that, there comes a point when that armor must come off. You can and should take the armor off yourself. Otherwise, it will fall off unexpectedly. Resulting in awkward, and sometimes dangerous situations.

I usually take the armor off myself. By either the event ending in time, or me removing myself from the situation. Recently at a party however, I didn't do the latter, and the armor fell off. Thereby creating, not a dangerous situation, but definitely an awkward one.

The host had no idea as to what caused my usually cool, calm, and collected self to suddenly bolt out the door. I later explained giving a much more condensed version of what I'm saying here now.

Many black males experience this, but will seldom (if ever) reveal it out loud. Meanwhile, those whites and light people of color whose selfishness refuse to discuss racism since they so massively benefit from it need to learn empathy and compassion.

At the aforementioned party, I was fine a t first. However, the smaller the crowd got the more I felt the energy making me "the black man in the room". Many black male party-goers feel this. Either drinking themselves into stoopers, or making themselves the main drug connection for whites, and getting high with those whites to avoid feeling the reality of being "the black man in the room". That's why I'm more prone to address it. I'm always sober enough to see it, feel it, therefore remember every detail to acknowledge our community's moments of progress, but too often lack thereof.

Like I said, this is something I, and every other black male feels at just about any gay event in this country. And the only way to avoid it is to exile ourselves further by attending all-black parties like the one I mentioned in a Facebook post I wrote about a Latino I played with at a CumUnion party. And as a born and raised New Yorker, therefore a born and raised American, I should not have to exile myself like I'm in Pre-Civil Rights Movement America when the year is 2017. Especially when the heads of gay media, party promoters, and porn producers further inciting this racism are transplants to this multi-colored and multi-ethnic mecca that is my home.

Any black male you meet telling you they know not of what I speak is in denial. Either that, or they're telling you a bold-face lie to cover the guilt racially insensitive whites and bougie people of color try laying on us. Calling us blacks who speak honestly on this matter, "angry black men" if we dare to bring this matter up.

The question created by these situations are:
Why are blacks and other darker people of color still being made to feel inferior, when they are not by any means?

Well, the answer is the same as it has been throughout American history. It's what brought forth slavery. It's what brought forth segregation. It's what brought forth gender inequality along with too many other forms of inequality... WHITE MALE INSECURITY.

This insecurity is born out of how it is very likely encoded in our DNA that when we are put on any kind of pedestal, we fear the day (and way) we fall off of it. And it is inevitable that we will fall off of it. For every thing man produces has mortality.

So a white male's time on a pedestal appearing as the epitome of sex, beauty, and intellect; light-complexioned people of various ethnicities given those same props because the whites running media consider them as "passing"; all of the aforementioned seeing a person of a darker color or certain ethnicity, and initially liking what they see, but turn their eyes away just as quickly because the programming kicks in to think of those people as "ugly"; and for all of them, youth being their ticket to climbing that segregated ladder...

ALL OF IT WILL DIE AT SOME POINT. Ageism dismissing older gays will start it on its way. As for its final resting place, maybe not in my lifetime, or yours, but these ways of life will die. And no matter how much of a bravado is put on by those benefiting from that racism, every one of those people are dreading the day their time of being seen as a stud, a muse, or a genius dies.

Worst part of it is that for generations, these gay males still have never realized, therefore ignored teaching the next generation that the more they play into that racism, the more they act entitled to its perceived benefits, the more it's going to hurt when it's time to come down. It's probably because each generation had and has an arrogance saying things like, "I like what I like just because" or worst, "It will never happen to me."

Well, don't we already see the signs that beg to differ? For you can't miss seeing in the bars and clubs, the lonely old white and light-complexioned males buying lapdances and "alone time" with go-go boys. And long before that and very much on-going, how older guys are the main clients for escorts/prostitutes. So basically, those younger gays doing these gigs, are doing so for their lonely future selves.

How much worst does it have to get for us to realize that this RACISM (sexual and otherwise) NEEDS TO STOP???!!! All of this makes it clear how actions like this racism in the gay community creates a chain of livelihoods that shouldn't even be called "livelihoods". For they are making our community put on a happy face when in all actuality, we are imploding.

Therefore, all of the aforementioned acts create a path that benefits no one.

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