Since my coming out and becoming sexually active 12 years ago, too many gay males have talked about pain during anal sex as if it is an inescapable common.
I find this to be incredibly irresponsible. For not only is it coming from gay porn showing bottoms wincing in pain, then expected to orgasm and ejaculate after. Not only was it coming from gay males who have been around the block. But it was also written in gay publications, including sex instruction books. Therefore, educating newly sexually active gay males with this falsehood that will in turn damage their bodies.
1)Lube - This should require no explanation
2)Desire - you wanting his dick (and no one else's) just that bad, and;
3)Relaxation - because part of what makes you want him so much is you trusting him enough to take your pleasure into account while he pleasures himself by being inside you.
For me, since my being a big advocate of bottoms doing Kegels make me have such a tight hole, this is achieved by allowing the only pain I might experience to be that of the cock's initial entry into my ass. If that happens, I tell him to pull out, and try again. For after that 1st try, I've learned exactly how much I need to relax my
hole so that my top can 1)get in me, and 2)feel a snug fit once inside
of me without his dick being choked. Though this need to figure out his size is of course alleviated if you're in a long term relationship, sometimes my single self doesn't even need my top to pull out. Either way, my asshole's embrace of my top's cock gives him his pleasure, and with all of the nerve
endings lining the rectum, me when I bottom gets pleasure as well from that point on. With that being the case, I now know that any pain I feel is because of his incompetence and selfishness as a lover/playmate. Unfortunately, too many bottoms and versatile guys cannot say the same.
A top long and rhythmic enough to massage
the bottom's prostate can be an added bonus. Keywords being "rhythmic" and "massage"
because with the concept of "bigger is better" repeatedly drilled into our heads by porn and other media, some well-endowed guys don't understand the concept of "rhythm". Meanwhile, too many bottoms accept the messy fuck that comes with it. That messy fuck being sex with a top who is a citizen of Rhythm-less Nation who instead bangs the prostate. I must say this because all male's bodies are different, so believe it
or not, not every guy wants their prostate massaged or touched at all.
In the end (no pun intended), it is all a matter of knowing your body by teaching and learning your body.
Many uneducated and shameful gay males use poppers as a means to numb themselves to the aforementioned uncalled for pain of anal sex. Now, besides the fact that poppers are a chemical that slowly but surely kills your brain cells. Here's more proof to how many are being bullshitted into believing their "need" for poppers. For if poppers are supposed to be huffed so that bottoms can take in a dick easier,... then why the fuck are blowjob recipients and tops using it???!!!
This is the part where most people would say "I'm sorry, but...", but the truth is I make no apologies for finding it inexcusable for anyone to say that they "need" poppers, especially a top. And keep in mind that this stance comes from me, someone who has been double-penetrated popper-free, and still maintaining a tight hole. Anyway, in my experience, anyone using poppers (especially a top) is very likely doing other drugs as well. And since drugs are for the sake of escapism, whether they admit it or not, it seems that the shame over gay sex still lingers. For there's no intelligent argument you can give me to use poppers when (anal or vaginal) sex done right has a great enough high all its own.
Bottom line is if the anal sex you're having hurts, then either you, your playmate, or both of you don't know what you're doing. So whoever is at fault needs to put their ego aside, and learn to get it right. And with the male ego being as fragile as it is, let me remind you that having to learn does not make you less of a man. Ignoring the fact that you need to learn does. For it makes you just another overgrown child having sex. When in fact, at least in regards to sex, taking the time to learn makes you a man PERIOD.
With all that said, I hope this gives you some good advice. For I would like people who have anal sex to actually like the sex they're having. And that means without feeling the need to take in or on your body any kind of chemical that can do damage in the long run. Be well. :-)