Saturday, June 22, 2013

Gay Pride?!...CHALLENGER - 2 Years Later

Is the gay community still living in a way with ageism, racism, and sexism that makes me feel the need to post my poetry series "CHALLENGER" TWO YEARS LATER?!

Especially Faux Rainbow?

Unfortunately, the answer is YES.

At gay parties, from the bartenders, to the go-go boys, to the advertising, White or maybe light-complexion is the theory of what sells. Meanwhile promoters will claim to be all-inclusive. Really?! And while I can easily name names here, I don't want to diminish how this post can relate to where you live across the globe. So I'll let you fill in the blanks with the names of guilty parties since this blog is read all over the world. Plus, the guilty parties already know who they are where I live. And that guilt riding on them like Atlas holding 2 worlds on this shoulders instead of one is why those promoters that are my age have not aged as well as me, and those that are a good deal younger than me won't age as well. For God (or whatever your belief system calls a higher power) rids the physical and/or mental scars of guilt to those who have enough humanity to not cater to such mean-spirited & overcompensating ostracizing.

While my poem "Elders' Beauty ...From Elders' Strength" addresses the ageism where mainly gay media and advertisers undermine the contributions of our gay forefathers to where were are today, the ageism I'm taking note of now is that of ad campaigns, calendars, and posters, calling for 20-somethings, yet their main audience wherever they're selling to is age 30+. This does not inspire our older gay males to maintain themselves. Instead, it tells our older gay males who happen to be financially well off, "Don't worry about staying fit. For these young, dumb and full of cum teens and 20-somethings, your money and position for them to ride the coattails of will look fit for you." And those who are not financially well-off that their existence is hopeless. So with tactics like this, are we really supposed to be calling ourselves "proud"?!

Unfortunately, my respect for gay media is still for the most part in the toilet. For it's too White-dominated, and the only non-Whites that they allow in are the ones who make little to no noise about the racism present. And if they do ever address the issue, it's never said with enough passion to truly express people's annoyance with the situation. We instead have to settle. Well, I don't take well to having to settle. For my adulthood and intellect deserves the cold, hard truth. But gay media can't give the cold, hard truth, because the most popular gay "news" sites are all owned by the same avoiding, robotic people. So no new and individual ideas surface. Nor can most of these authors on these sites and blogs really be called "writers". For how many times have you gone to a website and all they did is take one story from one website, write a one or two paragraph intro, and post it on their site? All too often. And that author is not a writer. Hell, he/she is not even a blogger. For a blog is an online journal, and an online journal consists of individual ideas. So with this being the case, my respect for gay media will not happen until the media consolidation STOPS. Therefore letting issues like racism, ageism, and sexism be dealt with integrity. Instead of the kid gloves their lapdog so-called "writers" and "bloggers" are addressing it with.

Based on all I have said here, is there anything to have gay pride about? In myself, for the individual I have made myself into, a loud, echoing, glass-shattering HELL YESSSSSSS!!!! However, for our community as a whole, sadly (but honestly) I must say, an equally loud, echoing, glass-shattering NOOOOOO! For I am still witness to too much of the self-destructiveness, pretentiousness, overcompensating, and ostracizing that made made write CHALLENGER in the first place.

And if you are all honest with yourself, you will admit to it as well.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Pornstars Return, WTF For?!

Porn actors are an unstable bunch. It shows up in so many facets of their lives for all to see, and only the equally (or more so) unstable among their fans either refuse to acknowledge it, or acknowledge it, but still pledge loyalty to them. Including in how they announce retirement, leave, then come back soon after. Of course when they leave, few give specific reasons that shows they have little to no intention of coming back like I did. It's their way of trying to save face, and not be ridiculed like they should be if they decide to return. But why come back? Why come back to that desperation for validation when you are on the road to, or have actually have found peace outside of it?

This recent Facebook update of mine will begin my explanation why:
With that said, the "meaningless fame" I'm speaking of outside of porn is the fame some try to acquire as singers or actors. For the songs most of these guys sing are not to inspire needed change. They're usually just another dance beat to add to the many that make our ear drums beg you to stop the torture at bars/clubs. And the lack of intent to inspire needed change can also be said for the movie roles they take on. But even if needed change is their intent in the long run, there's a reason they bail on making it come to fruition, then come back to porn.

That reason being, like I said in my Facebook update, is they miss the fame. To be more exact, porn actors miss the instant fame that their porn careers gave them by just dropping trou, showing their dick (and/or ass), and busting a nut. Fame that's not acquired so easily by turning to music, acting, or even modeling. For you become another fish in a sea of many, and it requires a lot of patience and hard work to stand out.

Now, the following status update that I posted last Tuesday shows that I am always open for a return to porn myself. But there is a major condition, and reason for it:

This status update shows that I am by no means a "hypocrite". With that said, if I was to return, would I bring back the name "Tré Xavier"? Absolutely not. "Tré Xavier" was a persona I created with the intention of doing all in porn that I would never try to do in my personal life. A bit of a sexual crash-test dummy, if you will.

Such as my being a member of the leather community like I was for the movie, "B.L.A.K. (Bruthas Live And Kinky)". Or having sex with a homo-thug like I did in movies for Pitbull Productions.

Even if I do return to porn, my audience now knows me as LeNair Xavier. I am not catering to audience mental instability like Brent Corrigan is by being Brent Corrigan in porn, do indie films as Seal Paul Lockhart, then marketing himself again as Brent Corrigan. I am LeNair Xavier, proud of who I am now with that name. And if you're a fan worth your weight in gold, there's no need to put on a see-saw or revolving door of names. I can welcome you on any journey I take with that name.
No longer wanting to be that dummy because of servitude to the industry that comes with being a porn actor is why I won't be making a return to studio-based porn. You'll just have to keep enjoying the occasional video I post on XTube, Pornhub, and the like. For obviously, my aforementioned condition under which I would return is one that I seriously doubt any porn studio would take me up on. So should I return to studio-based porn, it would be totally unexpected,...mostly by me.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Come See Me: Bare & Read Our Bodies


Through Facebook and Twitter, while I made no secret of the subject matter, I have been saying that I was not going to reveal the title of this poem. However, once I decide to do a promo video for it, revealing the title became inevitable.

"Bare & Read Our Bodies" is a poem that addresses how social media websites, apps, texting, and emailing have contributed to the decline in the formation, as well as staying power of romantic and platonic relationships due to the lack of intimacy in those forms of communication. If you're no stranger to this blog, then you know the straw that broke the camel's back in many of my attempts at romantic relationships was a text message. And over time, I have heard numerous stories of break-ups via Facebook, Twitter, phone apps, and emails.

I did dabble with this subject with my poem, "Computer Bold", which talked about all cowardice shown through the aforementioned forms of communication, including anonymous blog comments. But that's the difference. For "Bare & Read Our Bodies" is solely about relationships. Including how when the relationship is called to said to be over, the cowardice in those communication forms leads to a lack of closure. Therefore, it's never really over. Hence why so many people are nowadays going off the deep end. As serious as all that is, I am adding a more lighthearted poem to my presentation at Titillating Tongues that night.

Last month I debuted "Be My Pillow" which is a poetic ode to the male backside, and if you saw the video from my reading, you saw it was very well received. Well, this time I decided to write and debut a poem about the male front side. Yes, get happy, people. This time, I am also debuting a poetic ode to COCK entitled, "Cock Rhyme". So if you're in NYC on June 21st, stop by and check me and the other performers out, or sign yourself up to perform as well.

The Gallery at Le Poisson Rouge
158 Bleecker Street
NYC
7 PM - 9:30 PM

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Why It's "WE Fucked"

There have been times that I've said here that when I bottom, I don't get fucked, me and the top fuck each other. The reason I always feel the need to stress that is because gay porn and overcompensating machismo cultures teach us otherwise, and too many guys make themselves simple males and not men by adhering to those rules.

Being a bottom does not mean being a hole to be used and abused at a top's beck and call. Being a bottom also doesn't mean the top does all of the thrusting during sex. Stressing that point was another motivation for my getting into porn purposely as a bottom, in spite of my (at the time) growing versatility. Unfortunately, based on scenario, camera angles, and/or the director's own mental issues about sexual roles, there were few times I was able to be seen as a bottom showing enough humanity in which my desire to bottom was beyond being a tool for my top, and enough aggression to make that clear.

You can't truly have sex by yourself. Hence why there's a totally separate word for getting off alone - masturbation. Also, hence the saying "it takes 2 to tango". For sex is a dance. So gay sex is a dance between a top and bottom. A dance that when done right, the top fucks the bottom's ass, while the bottom....fucks the top's dick. The tops that I respect know this. That's why when speaking of a sex tryst, they are more comfortable saying "WE fucked", instead of "I fucked him".

I think all this was made very clear with this home video of me with a friend of mine. We had a dance. When we get together the sex is very passionate, plus add to the fact that it had been awhile, so there's no doubt we were going to go at each other aggressively....like a good tango. ;-)

Why It's "WE Fucked" brought to you by PornHub

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Watch You Sexual

At my last appearance at Titillating Tongues, there was some extra time. So all performers got a chance to go up again. With that being the case, I decided to present a poem that shares the title of this blog post.

Should anyone find this post's title familiar, then it's because you won the gift bag I put together for my first appearance as a pornstar guest on Will Clark's Bad Boys On The Hudson Sea Tea back in 2006. As part of my gift bag, since none of the 4 movies I appeared in by that time had come out yet, I gave away some DVDs from my personal porn collection. I made a box, and on the side of the box, I put a picture of myself with this poem, "Watch You Sexual".

In the video's intro, you hear me mention that this poem was inspired by watching guys in straight and gay porn. That's not 100% true. For it was also inspired by the thought of seeing any gorgeous man in a sexual encounter. So that could also include playing voyeur to a handsome stranger I catch in the act, a hot guy at a sex party, even my own lover playing with someone else together. And in all of the aforementioned instances, it doesn't matter if they're playmate is 1 male, 1 female, or 1 of each. For as I've said numerous times before, not just because of my bisexuality, but I find all sex beautiful.

If this poem seems hypocritical considering all of my recent talk of how open relationships seems like a bad idea to me, keep in mind 2 things:
1)I wrote this poem back in 2005, the year I got into porn. And awhile before writing it, I started fooling around with a couple from Jersey City at least once a month. So part of the poem was written by me trying to see things from their perspective, as well as my own. And;
2) even though I admit to think a bit differently of such relationships now, there is still a crazy part of me that likes the idea of seeing my lover pleasure someone else, but emotionally bound to me. So this can only be a poem I could recite to him. However, considering the guilt I would feel having sex with someone else, this is not a poem he can recite back to me, unless I revert back to my old viewpoint on such relationships.

So if this is how you feel, by all means,
ENJOY!!!!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Forgetting 'Tré Xavier's' Birthday

There was a birthday on April 1st, and I completely forgot to acknowledge it. Two months late in fact. And the title of this post clearly indicates whose birthday that is....

...It's the birthday of "Tré Xavier", my old porn persona.

You see, on April 1, 2005, I reported to my 1st porn gig to do a solo show for the website, ShowGuys.com. And it was the photo on the right, and the 2 below that got me the meeting to get on the website.

And the 2 nude pics above were taken with a cameraphone. Remember the purple tint and graininess the cameras on phones gave pictures back in 2005? Oh well, at least it didn't stop me from getting a meeting, then the gig.

Thus giving birth to the "Tré Xavier" persona. But not only was that my 1st porn gig.  It was also the day after I turned 34, and April Fool's Day. The latter of those should have been a sign that the porn industry was (and still is) a lost cause with all I was hoping it to be, or all I could help make it become.

Being "Tré Xavier" wasn't all bad. After all, being him gave me some of the stories that got me on the uphill road I'm on now. Which is one why I'm a lot happier. I don't forsee myself anytime soon becoming another porn statistic of drug/alcohol abuse, prostitution, and/or suicide. I've avoided falling prey to all of that. So why did I forget the birthday of that persona?

It's because "Tré Xavier" was initially a persona created to secretly walk side by side with me, LeNair, and vice versa. Almost like a superhero's secret identity, with sex being "Tré's"super power, and intellect and humanity being my super power. But somehow, after seeing how porn industry heads (like common street pimps) were only interested in filling their pockets off of the monetary praise for their hoes (a.k.a. porn actors) putting out, like most porn actors, as "Tré Xavier", I lowered my worth in order to stay in the game. Meanwhile, my blog posts from that time tackling industry issues make it clear that my intellect and humanity made me enough of a worthwhile existence to want out.

For why else would I challenge the system so repeatedly? You don't fight with that much venom so often with any entity that you love, unless you want to correct it. But as porn long ago showed itself to be, it's beyond correcting solely by me.

Be they producers, directors, porn actors, porn bloggers or porn viewers, whether these people in the industry want to admit it or not, I saw some progress was being made by the fuse I lit in addressing some issues like racism. But it did not last for the "I'm-A-Pimp-Wantin'-Money-From-My-Hoes" mentality of producers, directors, agents, etc. never gave it enough of a chance. So I've now moved on to where I care so little that I'm smiling as I know few porn actor names and the gay porn industry implodes upon itself despite the brave face it keeps putting on pretending it's thriving. It's the best revenge. Hence why the birthday of my "Tré Xavier" persona was so easily missed by me.

I once told a model manager that I was considering getting rid of the name "Tré Xavier" and using my legal 1st name as my public persona. His advice to me was that I had made a brand of "Tré Xavier", so "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". Taking that advice for a time delayed my using my legal 1st name for almost a year. That is until I realized the problem that like most (if not all) porn actors, "Tré Xavier" was broken. You see, when a performer of any kind chooses a stage name, they should choose it to stand for something. And it should have the same care in being chosen as one should choose a tattoo. For it's a mark you will always have and be known for.

If it's not clear yet as to why the name "Tré Xavier" had to go, since they say the body is a temple, think of it with this parable----

"Tré Xavier" was a shiny temple originally constructed to stand side-by-side with the shining treasure temple it was spawned from, LeNair. However, ageism, racism, false promises, fellow performers privately (but never publicly) praising "Tré" for his outspokenness, and not just from those his associates in the porn industry, but gay nightlife as well - all of this dirt piled on top of the temple of "Tré Xavier" blocked its shine. The dirt mounted so high that in a domino effect, "Tré Xavier's" already blocked shine blocked the shine from it's originator, LeNair. But eventually, all that dirt on top of "Tré Xavier" was too much for its foundation. So "Tré Xavier" crumbled. Falling straight down, leaving the sun to shine on LeNair once again, and with the remains of "Tré Xavier" finally free from the dirt, LeNair kept his remains by adding them to his luster. So he could shine brighter, and be stronger than before so such a fall won't happen again.

That is where I am now.

For I am now, LeNair Xavier - blogger, performer, writer, poet, model, and the list of what to add to this list  has yet to be determined.
For this to happen, for me to be alive for it to happen,... "Tré Xavier" had to die. And although he had to die, again I say, his contribution to me now and beyond will not be forgotten.

And I THANK YOU ALL who have supported me since then....and beyond.

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