On November 16th, I debuted a poem entitled "Fuck Me With Your Eyes" at the open mic event of "Titillating Tongues". It was a poem I wrote telling a story of me responding to being courted by a guy on the "down low". This is the pic I used to promote it on Facebook, Twitter, and my Tumblr blog.
After posting this pic, surprisingly no one has ever asked, whose eyes are those behind me?
The answer...Nickolay Petrov.
Why did I use him? It was my way of calling out my own bad misjudgment that I acknowledged in "Gotta Kick Myself: Porn Regrets Born". For when I was interviewed for the book "Ultimate Starz", one questioned I was asked was if I was to make a movie called "Tre's X' Orgy", who would my 4 costars be? I regrettably named Nickolay Petrov as one of the 4 guys.
If the name, "Nickolay Petrov" is unfamiliar to you, it's probably because he's a former porn actor. A former porn actor whose real name is Edmon Vardanyan. The reason he is no longer on the scene is because he was sent away to prison. Something that I once pointed out almost 5 years ago seems to be a constant with many gay-for-pay porn actors. Committing violent acts against people perceived to be weaker than them. So while at the time of being asked the question for the book, I was unaware that Nickolay Petrov was "gay-for-pay" it would have resulted in regret had the opportunity to bottom for him in a scene presented itself. So again I say, "Thank you, Gay Porn Industry Racism!"
Another reason to use Nickolay Petrov was to show that the lusting eyes of those "on the down low" is not the "Black thing" the media tries to make it seem. For one personal story I can tell is how I went to a sex party a few years ago, and saw an attractive guy there who may have been either White or a light-complexioned Latino. I noticed he was wearing a gold wedding ring. He made it clear that he was interested. At the time, the rules I have in play of learning specifics of his real relationship were not in play like they are today, so I went along and we started making out. When it came time to get a condom, I told him what I was going to do and that I'd be right back. When I came back with the condom,...he was gone. Now what if we had unprotected sex like he seemed to want, and I had an STD? Then he was not only putting himself at risk, but his wife as well.
Do I have fantasies about sex with straight guys? I have never denied the fact that I do. In fact, gay porn is so phony that most of the porn I watch is straight porn with me wishing that guy would do to my ass what he's doing to that girl's pussy. But part of being a man and not lessening your manhood to what I define as a "faggot" is by knowing when to leave things as being just a fantasy by respecting reality.
On websites like Adam4Adam, I have encountered many guys whose profile will say "Out No". This could mean either he's not into the gay scene as far as going to bars/clubs. Or worse, he could be not respecting his reality by living the double-life known as "life on the down low". Based on all that I've written here about the first, you can see why I don't fault him. However, if his "Out No" means being on the down low, then he and his cowardice make him lie to not only himself, but also his female significant other, makes him need to move on so he can man-up.
Sadly, there are gay males who don't feel the same. And they should be ashamed of themselves for that. For we are enough at risk either going home with strangers, or letting them into our homes after meeting them on the streets, in bars/clubs, or online. So why would you up the ante to that risk by inviting someone who is obviously so mentally and emotionally disturbed that they would advertise in conversation or a profile the secretive double-life they're living? Making you an accomplice to them deceiving their female significant other. And worst of all, possibly killing you as a way to keep their secret.
All to stroke your ego and say, "I got a straight guy"?...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!
If that is the case, then you are just as demented as he is. And while I don't wish you ill-will, if something heinous happens to you, then you brought it upon yourself.
When I see someone say they're on the down low, the outcome like this from the movie "Johns" comes to mind. Yes, the movie is about male prostitutes working the streets, and the john as a speech impediment, but that doesn't change the possibility of this outcome becoming real for you at anytime.
Where's the poem, you ask? I decided that I'm not going to post the poem here. All I'm going to say is that the message was well received at the event. So next time when I promote how I'm delivering a good message in my poetry, hopefully you'll come by so you don't miss out.