With excessive use of text messaging, online chats, and social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, and BGCLive, loneliness is a worldwide plague. Signs of this emotional epidemic are everywhere. Even in the things that we use to escape it, like nightlife.
The loneliness of sex workers has been repeatedly well-documented, and can't help but be expected. However, the one place in the world of sex workers where it wasn't so obvious was among go-go boys. Until now.
One thing I have noticed in nightlife in recent years is that not many of the go-go boys work by the same rules of etiquette that I worked by. This lacking in etiquette is the reason why I don't tip go-go boys much anymore. Which considering that I've been in their position of having to work the crowd, might be a surprise. And while I have very good reason, I'm sure the only ones who overlook those good reasons and tip anyway are the lonely, who have gotten to the point of desperation for attention that they'll take whatever attention they can get, even if they're not equally (therefore properly) appreciated for being admirers of that go-go boy's fleeting outer beauty.
As a go-go boy, one constant that I always did was to kiss every male patron on the head, and every female patron on the hand when they tip me. Because just as I did with porn, on my few occasions of go-go dancing, my behavior was based on what I've observed from the actions of go-go boys before me and alongside me, patrons, and what I myself did, should, and could want in both positions as a go-go boy and as a patron.
For instance, once before I started go-go dancing, I went to Splash Bar and flash-in-the-pan porn actor, Billy Hart was appearing there. When he got on the box, guys went up to tip him. My shy self got up the nerve to go up and tip him as well. And all for that $1, I got something no one else got that I wasn't at all expecting.
Billy Hart pulled out his hard cock and slapped me with it.
At the time, I knew I was the envy of many. Because others before and after me just got a rub of it through his underwear, while I got to feel the texture of both the bare skin of its shaft and the bare flesh of its head up against my face. Once I started go-go dancing, I would look back on that night and wonder how many guys in that crowd are thinking about me saying, "Why him?", "Why did he get to experience that from him?"
I'm not in Billy Hart's brain, so I don't know. Maybe he was just upping the ante of the show he was putting on and I showed up at the right moment. Or maybe he really did like the vibe I gave off. We'll never know. But the end result is his actions leaving some in the crowd wondering, "Why not me?" And that's a feeling I never wanted to make a patron feel. Because being admired for one's youthful outer-beauty is a blessing, and since youth is fleeting, one respecting their being admired should want all of their admirers then and in the future to be on equal footing as to how their appreciated.
Another incident that helped form my rules of go-go boy etiquette was once I was dancing for Daniel Nardicio some years ago. I was totally naked, and anyone giving a tip could have a suck on my dick. Needless to say, I'm going to want some guys to do it more than others. And one did show up. He was tall, nicely build with curly brown hair. The second I saw him, I fantasized how intense the sex would be with him pounding my ass until my hole was sore, and even with it sore, I would let him to pound it some more. This made it easy for my cock to be rock hard. He then propositioned me by asking me when I was getting off of work. With this being my 1st proposition while on the job, I was stunned. I think I handled it well. We made out them I told myself to snap out of it, because other potential tippers could be watching, might get jealous, and wonder why I wouldn't do the same to them if they should come up and tip. So I eased things up between us while I was on the go-go box. After all, I'm on the clock. Nothing came of his proposition, as he had left before I was done. But at least as horny as I always am, I didn't let a bunch of tips get away, all for one night of a good lay. This is an adult prioritizing.
With instance likes this and others in mind, I came up with these rules of go-go boy etiquette with each rule leading to the next following rule. They are: 1) DO NOT make your attraction to a patron obvious to the crowd. Of course, go-go boys are human beings, and they're going to have attraction to a cute someone, but you should not make that attraction known to the crowd. After all, your job is to be eye candy for all to be pleasured by seeing. And making that attraction to that one particular person known can and should result in lesser tips. Because unless a patron has a history known by you personally of going too far, your job is to make every patron feel just as special as the next. So if you initiate a welcome by voice and/or body to one, then you must initiate that same welcome by voice and/or body to all patrons at the same level. Don't kneel down to take money from one patron then leave him, while you take money from another and include initiating an introduction and conversation with another. Or let one patron give you a blowjob in front of the crowd for $1, while you just take the money of a patron who obviously wants the same and is willing to pay the same price or more for it. Save your "I'm not into old guys, fat guys, Blacks, Whites, Asian, Latinos, Indians, etc" rhetoric for your personal life. It does not belong on the go-go box or bar you're dancing on. However; 2) the only time it is acceptable for a go-go boy to make his attraction obvious is when the patron initiates an invitation to take you steps beyond being eye candy. Not you, as the go-go boy. As I said before, a go-go boy is hired to be "eye candy", and sometimes a patron wants more than the "eye candy". In such a case, you are free to reciprocate. However; 3) be mindful of where you are and how far you go with your reciprocating. DO NOT make out heavily with that patron or give your phone number in front of the crowd. You find a time and place during the course of the night where you are not on such wide display. For once again, this could rightfully lead to lesser tips. As there are patrons who are watching you before and after they approach you who want you just as much as the patron you reciprocated the attraction of. So take their feelings into consideration, and don't flaunt your attraction to this one in the crowd's face.
What gets me about so many go-go boys is the same thing that bugs me about many people in this world. They are not looking at the big picture. I mean, most likely one becomes a go-go boy to make extra needed money. So is that attraction to ONE particular patron, which is most likely to result in a one-night stand (and nothing more), worth loosing tips to help you get to your financial goal?
Sex is fun. Sex is good. But it's not worth loosing funds towards your decent goals. If you're willing to break these rules of etiquette acting so unsavory, then it is only safe to assume that you actually want the money to fund something unsavory ---like a drug habit. Think about it.
As I stated in an earlier post some months ago, I went to the Rainbow Book Fair and met Michael-Christopher, who is the editor-in-chief/co-publisher/art director of Swerv Magazine. We exchanged contact info, which to my surprise led to me being interviewed for the magazine.
I will admit that as I do with all interviews, my answers were quite thorough. Proof of that can easily be seen by learning that my interview with Australia's Q Magazine as their April "Q Person of the Month" ran 2 pages, while the interview from their March isssue for that section with porn actor Phillippe Delavaux ran only 1 page. Well, I found it to be a great compliment that the interview for Swerv Magazine was originally intended for the Summer Issue, but Michael-Christopher enjoyed the interview so much that he didn't want to trim it just so it would fit into the Summer Issue. So instead, he held it over for the Fall Issue so he could put it in its entirety.
This is my most revealing interview to date. And just as I do on this blog, I had no problem naming names and calling people on their shit. It's been so long since I did the interview, that at points while reading it, I said to myself, "Damn, LeNair! You didn't hold anything back, did you?! If 'so-and-so' reads this, they're going to be pissed."
And my reply to myself, "Like I give a fuck! If 'so-and-so' didn't want to be spoken of in a way that makes him out to be a fuck-face prick, then he shouldn't have done fuck-face prick shit."
In short, for the article appropriately titled, "The Problem With Porn", I told you alot about the gay porn industry that the industry itself does not want to admit to. So if you're at all curious, get the 411 for yourself by picking up a copy of the Fall Issue of Swerv Magazine. If you don't know where to find it, well I found my copy at The Hangar in NYC by using the list of locations that can be found HERE.
Recently on Facebook, the ever-so-HOTGuy Tang asked:
How many of you guys are Versatiles? And why?
I'm versatile. As gay males especially, we have both tools to give pleasure to our partner. So I think the question for us shouldn't be why are we versatile. It should be 'why isn't EVERY gay male versatile?'
What threw me about the question was the part asking "why?" But once answered I realized that it might do some good to further how I think it's a legitimate answer when you look at the facts of the male body.
Healthy males have the same nerve endings in their cock, anus, and rectum. So unless there's some kind of physical issue with a male's penis, anus, or rectum, I see no reason for any male to not be versatile, except maybe to fill a macho void, which is not physical issue, but instead a mental one.
For guys who are total tops and bottoms, have tried to be the opposite, and it failed, there may be a trauma or fear involved. It might be guys who are total tops but tried bottoming, were turned off to bottoming after experiencing overly aggressive moronic tops who don't know how to be easy with a man's anus. Or guys who are total bottoms just don't want the responsibility of being the one who needs to get and stay hard in order for sex to happen. My feeling in both of these scenarios and the like is that they're lazy in sex. Because over 90% of you who know how to ride a bike, while learning to ride that bike, you most likely fell and busted your ass with the scars to prove it, and tried again before finally getting how to ride that bike. Why can't you take that same thought process, and apply it to your sex life? Why have so many gay males taken this version of "falling off the bike", and allowed it to beat them? Especially when you consider how trying, then succeeding can prolong your relationship by way of the various sex stylings within it. So at least if the relationship fails, you can eliminate sex as a crippling factor.
I know that obviously not everyone will agree with this, but I don't foresee myself in a relationship with a guy who is a total top or total bottom. Unless fate causes an incident to make the one I love become a total top or total bottom during the course of our relationship, or an incident happened prior to our getting together, I don't think I can be compromising. I can see myself accommodating his being a versatile top or versatile bottom, but not being a total bottom or total top. Otherwise, for me, his being a total top or total bottom is laying the path for an open relationship. But an even worse result for those who are not being as honest as I am about their sexual needs are sex trysts on the side while making your partner think you're a monogamous couple. I must be honest, and admit how I need that variety.
For as a blessed with good health male, it's like I said before, ....I am a healthy enough male to have both tools to pleasure my partner, and I'm ready willing, and able to use it.
Recently, I received an email from Men of All Colors Together/NY (MACT/NY) inviting me to be a featured speaker at a meeting on November 4, 2011. They wanted me to speak on an issue that to many is a bit of a dirty word. Especially in the gay community.
Considering how much I address it on this blog, and appear to be an expert on it, you might be wondering if the dirty word is "SEX"?" BLOWJOBS? Or the phrase, "ANAL MAINTENANCE"?
Actually, no to all of the above. The "dirty" word another I address alot on this blog ---RACISM. "The Present State of Racism in the LGBT Community" to be exact.
If you have followed this blog to any degree, then you know that I have talked quite a bit about how racism is one of the things we need to correct within ourselves if we are to put on a proper face for demanding equal rights. And by some of your own personal experiences, you are just as aware as I am as to how the word "racism" has become a dirty, unspoken word mistreated as an exaggeration the moment when the truth of its existence is spoken of, especially in the LGBT community, who are one of the biggest perpetrators of it. Well, this is your chance to hear me address this issue LIVE, as well as pose questions to me about some of the things you have heard me say here on this blog, other blogs, or during the course of that night. And maybe even enlighten me and the audience with tales of your own experiences.
Some of the topics I am considering for inclusion are racism displayed by: Gay porn Gay nightlife Gay media (magazines, television, online, etc.) And close by addressing if the racism displayed by these mediums influences and/or reflects the mindset of the majority of today's LGBT community.
I was asked if I could find others to include in this, thereby creating a discussion panel. Well, for this I would like to have a rainbow of speakers. Blacks and very likely Asians are represented thus far. So if you are part of a gay ethnic organization, or a sole observer of this issue please send me a message of interest, credentials, and group affiliation if you have one via email.
However the line-up turns out, whether it's me alone or as part of a panel, I'm very much looking forward to it. For this is a discussion that I will keep you posted on the details of because it very much needs to be had. The LGBT community is already a minority, and the last thing we need is what we are presently plagued with - the separatism and bigotry from racism within the gay community to further separate us.
So until then, please keep in mind my latest "Write That Down" quote to show the importance of this event. It reads: