Saturday, July 31, 2010

Eating Out The Ass of O

Recently, I saw some newer pics of Owen Hawk. He's gotten quite muscular from the guy I met within the 1st couple of years of my coming out. Now, for someone who likes muscles but don't consider them a must in an object of my love or lust, I was quite in awe of the change he's made of himself from the guy I originally saw at Daniel Nardicio's Tigerbeat Underwear Parties at the no-longer-existing Slide till now. Being that in awe, I thought back to an early encounter with him. An encounter that while I was in awe....I was kind of forced to react.

It was around 2005, I believe by this time, I had already done my 1st porn gig, and maybe even my 1st movie. I went to one of Daniel Nardicio's parties. Now, my loyal readers know that at Daniel's parties, guys are often totally naked, and patrons can play with dancers like you see on a CFNM websites like PartyHardcore, just minus the obvious sex. I know this because I not only saw this at the parties, but later on, I became one of those naked go-go boys. When I walked in to the party this night, I didn't even have a drink yet, but since I got there later than I planned, I wanted to check out the scene first. I go to one area and there's Owen Hawk go-go dancing. I can't recall how much he had on besides a pair of boots, but knowing Owen, it probably wasn't much more. And believe me, that is by no means a complaint. Because while I did want to stop at the bar to get something to wet my whistle, I suddenly found no need to just yet, because being the ass-man that I am, even before becoming versatile as I am today, I like every other guy there was salivating over the sight of that famous plump ass.

With Owen facing the crowd, an older guy with a full head of salt & pepper hair went over and tipped Owen. Owen then turned around and poked out his ass. I don't recall the temperature in that place, but I know I'm getting HOT just thinking back to the sight of that ass. Well for some strange reason this older guy didn't seem to take the hint, because when Owen poked out his ass...this guy turned and walked away.

I was stunned to put it mildly. I was so incredibly stunned that I was stammering the words in my thoughts at the sight of what I had just seen. I was saying to myself, "W-W-W-W-Wha-WHAT THE FUCK! Is this guy out of his fuckin' mind?!!!! When Owen Hawk pokes out his ass, you do not turn and walk away! Y-Y-You -----! Damnit, do I have to be the one to show you?!"

I looked around at the rest of the crowd, and they were all standing there like stones. I don't know if they were standing there out of shock, or if they, like that older guy, didn't have the brain and balls to do what should be done at this point. Well, to my own surprise, I mustered up the (still non-liquid) courage, and showed that I was the one with the brain and the balls. I took a dollar out of my pocket, put it down Owen's boot, and then as if we were alone in some seedy motel....
....I buried my face and tongue into Owen Hawk's ass with all those guys watching. My tongue lapped in his hole and on each cheek. And I kissed each cheek as well, so I became an "ass-kisser" in the most literal sense of the word. But I'm not complaining. For I'd be a fool if it didn't make me happier than a pig in slop.

From the beginning of my time in the porn industry, my self-imposed rule was to leave some of that sexual exhbitionist behavior for the camera where the most I would do something like that would be a backroom, or a sex party. But that night obviously sparked something in me. Because that was no backroom, or a sex party, but ever since that night my rule has become, "If I can get away with eating, sucking, and/or fucking in a place....get ready for a show", because with the 1st willing hottie to come along, my mouth is open and I'm dropping trou.

If you think I'm kidding, the next time you see me in such a place (like The Black Party), ask me if I'm armed with my own condoms and lube, and my answer will more than 90% of the time be "YES". Also you might want to look up some blog entries that have taken place this past year. See if these titles ring a bell:

I told you, if I can get away with eating, sucking, and/or fucking in a place, get ready for a show. Now if I ever get arrested,....I'm blaming Owen ;-)

Friday, July 30, 2010

Wipe With Zach & Cybersocket, Then Fun With Fu

A controversy recently ensued from the magazine Cybersocket naming 40 Amazing Porn Stars, and not naming a single Black porn actor. Zach Sire of TheSword.com wrote a piece in defense of Cybersocket. In response, I wrote a comment...that was never posted.

Victor Hoff of MOC Blog was kind and humane enough to give me a forum to say what I wanted to say in response to Zach Sire's obvious insensitivity on this matter. You can read it by clicking on this link:

http://menofcolor.blogs.com/moc_blog/2010/07/guest-commentary-by-trex-xavier.html

For those who are always wondering why I retired from the porn industry....the fact that I had to write this piece, makes it easier to understand why.
_________________________________________________________________
There are some who are glad to see that I've retired, but don't want to see me happy afterwards. For since my retirement from the gay porn industry, I have had online run-ins with people trying to insult my post-porn endeavors. I guess they would be happy if I was drinking myself into a stooper, getting high on God knows what, and/or crying, "Oh my God, no one will hire me! I guess I should just kill myself!", thereby becoming the next (of many) suicidal pornstars who can't deal with the real world.

Well, I'm HAPPY to disappoint them with the fact that I LOVE my post-porn life.

So it brings me great pleasure to announce that this Sunday, August 1st, the 1st public screening of the movie I did last year, "Fu Manchu's Weapon Of Evil" will be taking place. Here's the info:

FU MANCHU'S WEAPON OF EVIL- Public Screening
at GIZZI'S CAFE
16 West 8th Street, NYC
Sunday, AUGUST 1, at 8pm SHARP!

This is the opening night of a new weekly event at Gizzi's, where every Sunday, New York Filmmakers will be showcased. Come on time and please stay for screenings of all the filmmakers' works. The weekly event will run until 10pm. Filmmakers will be allowed 3 minutes to introduce their films and three minutes Q&A after their screening.

So if you're in New York City this Sunday evening, and you haven't seen the videos on YouTube, OR even better, see them collectively as a single feature, then come down, and get a great start to your evening, and please....be sure to say "Hello".

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Some Written About Guys....Alas Seen

It might not surprise you that mostly because of the size of New York City, I don't run into, or even see in a crowd, the guys from bad hook-ups or relationships that I've written about. In fact, I practically never see them. Well over these past 3 weeks, there have been 3 sightings.

One of them, there is no need to get into, because I never mentioned him by name, and since he was before my porn days, therefore blogging days as well, he most likely doesn't even know that he's been written about. The other 2 guys however, know very well that you readers know about them, and what they've done to provoke the writer-in-me's need to vent.

Most recently was Jason White from the blog post, "Portrait Of A Stereotypical Escort". I saw him this past Friday night at Splash. I'm not sure if he saw me, but I actually think he did.

Why am I not surprised to report that he was with a couple of guys - one, a good deal older than him or me (so he was most likely a client). And I am also not surprised to report, that even while on the dancefloor, he kept looking at his cell phone. Now, don't think that I was spying on him. I saw this because while dancing with someone, I discovered that he was in line of my peripheral vision. For in the dim light of the club, a light going off is going to cause you to look. And when I looked, I repeatedly saw that the light was coming from a cell phone...Jason White's cell phone. Every escort I've ever met seems to never get off the clock. It's a sad life.

This was actually the 1st time that I had ever seen Jason White in person. And I am not being catty by saying this, but if the camera really does add 10 pounds, then that's why I thought his slim physique was hot. Because in pictures he appeared just slim. Of course those pics were from movie photo shoots a year or two old. Now however, what I saw in real-life for the 1st time was still slim, but borderline skinny.

Now, I saved the best for last....DannyI already wrote about seeing Danny again and I rehashed some of our history.

When I decided to write "Danny's Leaving, So I'll Keep Feeling", I knew that once posted that I was going to text Danny about the post being online. It turned out that there became no need to text Danny, because within the week of writing the entry, I discovered that me and Danny have a mutual Facebook friend. It actually turned out being that we had 9 in common. But on this one's page in particular, Danny wrote a comment to his Facebook update. So once the post was online, I sent Danny an email via Facebook telling him about it.

Not too long after posting, I got a phone call from Danny. I let the phone call go to voicemail, because as far as I was concerned, once I wrote that post, all that needed to be said was said. I vented, I was done, so now I'm moving on. So he left a voicemail, and I listened to it, simply and calmly ask me to call him. I decided that we were not going to fight about this. But I made a mental note of his calmness in that voicemail. I thought back to how in the past, when he left me a voicemail that my calling him back was going to lead to an argument, I always knew it beforehand. However, even after hearing that calmness, my Aries stubbornness didn't want to be bothered. What might be perceived as a problem is that Danny is also an Aries, so instead of waiting for my reply, his Aries impatience made him send me an email through Facebook. In the email, Danny apologized for the way he treated me. And told me that I could either remember him the way he was then, or learn of the better person he is now. 

I decided to bite the bullet, and return his call. Not because of his apology, because I've heard that before. But there was one sentence that he's never said before. He said, "I'm a better person now." So to read that PLUS an apology made me want to hear what he had to say. Because to add that sentence to his apology said to me that he did take a look at himself. You know like they say, "Don't talk about it, be about it". As many times as I've heard an apology from him before, I heard enough talk, so I needed something that said that he was really about improving himself.

While talking to him on the phone, I brought up how he said I could remember who he was then, or the person he is now. I told him, that I tried that before once when I saw him on the street last year, and we exchanged numbers. I texted to keep the communication going, but once again, I never heard much from his end. So I was trying to get to know how he may have changed. But since he was moving to Atlanta, now I wasn't going to know. And that's when he dropped the news update....he wasn't moving to Atlanta after all.

We talked on the phone for almost an hour and a half. In fact, I wound up late for the date I had with the guy I was seeing at the time. And considering how that turned out, it may have been a good thing. My being late might have been a way to tell me not to go on that date. But that's another story.

Since then, me and Danny have become friends on Facebook, and have chatted a few times. I will admit that I see that he is in that place of growth. After all, he is 29, so it makes sense that he's coming to that point in maturity where much of what you thought was important isn't really that important after all. So I guess in his own way, he's catching up to me as I'm still enjoying how quickly I, like Wanda Sykes will say, "I don't give a fuck!"

I went out of sequence telling of these guys from my pasts by telling the story of seeing Danny last, because I felt it was better to end this tale with the glimmer of hope that someone I thought I was a rotten apple, had resurrected himself to becoming fresh and new. And I'm sure many of you can relate as to how signs of bettering from someone from our past doesn't happen very often. So now that we're friends online, time will tell how good of friends me and Danny will become in the real world.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Write That Down #22

While the best description of my sexual orientation is that I'm a lot more gay than straight, for a single-word description, I identify myself as "bisexual".
NDVD_114
I have made no secret of this to my readers since I started blogging over 4½ years ago, or in conversations with friends, associates, fuck-buddies, tricks, even casual conversation partners. While I allow everyone in these groups to have their belief as to whether bisexuality is real, or just someone who is confused, there is one person who does not get such an allowance of "believe it or not". That person is my boyfriend or life-partner/husband. He must believe bisexuality is real, because...

....I AM A BISEXUAL, AND I AM REAL.

Of course before becoming my boyfriend, then life partner/husband (depending on your state and/or country), there is dating. So it's with dating in mind that I have written out this rule as my next "Write That Down" quote that I think all bisexuals, regardless of gender, should set as a standard for themselves. It reads:

As a bisexual, in order to date me, you can't say you don't believe in bisexuality or call it a "myth". Because then you are making statements that kill a relationship before it even starts...you are calling my sexual existence a "myth", and saying that you don't believe in my self-awareness.








Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Young, Career-Oriented...Dead Too Soon


People in their early 20's have an eagerness to please their superiors. I know this because I have been there. And after being there, I've come to know that superiors from the corporate world to the porn world take advantage of this eagerness by asking these young people to work in excess of what they should. Knowing full well that these young people have the God-given human and legal right to set limitations, but use the young person's naivete to make them feel that they don't have that right.

Along with that, there is stress that catches up to these young people. It is the reason that they don't age well. When they hit their 30's and 40's they look their age for sure, and sadly sometimes beyond. In fact, some still in their 20's are already showing signs of pre-mature aging for this very reason. And that aging is not only on the outside, but on the inside as well.

For a tragic example, in the sex industry, I have come to know of a number of guys who have been diagnosed with rectal cancer. You may have even read of some. I strongly believe that the abuse that directors and escorting clients inflicted upon them led to this happening. This is a prime example of not only the sex industry living up to it's negative stigma, but also why those now suffering from (or fearing the return of) rectal cancer put themselves in that predicament. That porn director and/or escorting client were superiors that these young sex workers were eager to please, and the superiors took full advantage. I understand the sex workers’ position in this because while I was 34 when I entered the sex industry, because I was new and eager to please my superiors, my mindset within the industry went back to that of an early 20-something. Luckily, I drew the line before having the ugly price I pay being rectal cancer (among other physical ailments), like some sex workers are paying now.

With all this in mind, at some point, these young people (regardless of their profession) will have a choice to make like I did. They will make it while their still in their 20's or later. Whatever age they make this choice, they will either show their TRUE adulthood by drawing the line that they have every right to draw, OR they will lessen their quality of life the longer they insist on playing bobble-head doll to a superior's head games and power trips.

If you know of such a young person, I strongly advise you to pass this along to them. And let them know that you are informing them of this reality because you care.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

N**gers, Extreme Public Saggers

Fashion is supposed to be inspired by something positive. It becomes an even greater accomplishment when it's inspired by the desire to turn a negative in to a positive. With the latter in mind, the "sagger" style has sadly been taken to an ugly extreme mostly by the hip-hop mentality. To the point of guys wearing their pants so low that it shows their entire behind in their underwear. So what started out as turning a negative into a positive, has now become these guys showing that they're dumb enough to imitate the "sagger" style's origin as if they're playing a virtual reality game.

The style of "saggers" originated in prisons where prisoners were given oversized  pants without belts. This was done to make prisoners easier to capture should they try to escape, with the other reasons for the lack of a belt being to prevent the belts being used for suicide or as a weapon.

I know people don't like me to use it. I myself don't like to use the word. However, when the situation warrants it, I am man enough to put aside my dislike and say what needs to be said, and I suggest you do the same. I said all that to say that to know the history of "saggers", the only type of person who would admire and assimilate this type of dress in public and to the extreme is a nigger.

I don't care what color you are, being a nigger is not about a color of skin like they tried to make it in the old South. It's about a state of mind - an ignorant state of mind to be exact.

Keep in mind that I did italicize the words "in public and to the extreme". It's because I'm not 100% for guys showing the waistband of their underwear on a regular day out in public, but that's tolerable. And I have no problem with someone wearing "saggers" to the extreme in their home, a friend's home, in the club, or in the streets on certain special occasions like Gay Pride.  After all, it's a style of dress that's meant to tease the crowd. I myself have adjusted my jeans to become "saggers" while I'm in the club, or walking through the streets of Gay Pride. I've done it to the point of showing either the waistband of my underwear, or the beginning slope of my protruding ass - sometimes covered, sometimes bare....but still while in that space. Before and after being in that space however, I cover up. I'm saying this to show that I'm not being a judgmental ass here, but if you are of a civilized mind (as I try my damnest to be), you must ask yourself, "How much is too much?" Because the fact is that there is a time and place for certain types of clothes, and the way you wear them. The reason I italicized "in public and to the extreme" is because the reason niggers earned their named is because NIGGERS DON'T CARE. Niggers are self-loathing people with total disregard for the fact of how there is a time and place for certain things and how they are to be executed, so they don't ask themselves, "how much is too much?", which is why they wear "saggers" in public to such a distasteful extreme.

Now anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows that I cover all bases before the stupid questions start coming in. So I'll answer one stupid question I'm sure someone wants to ask. That question being....

..."What are you supposed to do if you're going to the club, or going to that special event where you can wear your 'saggers'?"

Simple answer, you dumb shit....Adjust your clothes when you get there. Hence the reason I also italicized my telling of how I adjust my jeans to become "saggers" while in the club. It's because I have enough self-respect and class to not walk through the streets that way. I mean, it's like going to a sex party. Just because you're going to a sex party doesn't mean you walk through the street butt-ass naked. I hope those of you who wanted to ask that question, now see why that's a dumb question to ask.

So the bottom line of what I'm trying to say here is that if you're going to wear "saggers"....be a man about it, not a nigger. Because a nigger's lack of class and intellect may make them unforgettable, but it also makes them disposable. In the meantime, a man's ability to have enough class and intellect to know the right time and place, also makes him unforgettable....but more importantly, because he's also always necessary.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Why You're Single, Why I'm Single

Over time, I've had some sexual instances that made me have to say in my head to a guy, "This is why you're single". In fact, I even wrote a blog post by that title about a year ago. Well, with the weekend upon us, I thought I'd revisit that quote and show some other instances that confirm that I know what I'm talking about.

One instance was in the backroom of a bar. A grey-haired guy with a great body was checking me out. There was an instant attraction, and when he decided to go down on me, I was all for it. I might have been willing to take it beyond the backroom, and if we stepped out later for conversation at the bar, then beyond the bar. However, we never got beyond the backroom. Because when he started sucking my dick...he didn't SUCK my dick. He just put his lips around it, and moved his head back and forth with no tongue action or suction. I know this guy was old enough to be aware that they call it "sucking cock" for a reason, therefore he should have been good enough to teach me a thing or two. Instead, I needed to teach him, because not only did he lack use of his tongue or actual sucking, he also moved his head so slowly that I had to face-fuck him in order to get a sensation, which is something I hate to do. I like a guy sucking my cock to show that they want to suck it, so while it may appear that I'm a top (therefore in the aggressive role), I'm actually in the passive role, because the cock-sucker's eagerness makes him the aggressor. I got so frustrated that I took my dick out of his mouth, almost snatching it, with the thought of saying to him, "Gimme back my dick!"

I walked away thinking of how badly I wanted to tell this guy, "I'm here just for the sexual thrill, not out of necessity. YOU HOWEVER have no mother fuckin' choice. Because oral skills like yours is why your ass is single."

Another occurrence happened not too long ago. A fuck-buddy who I've haven't hooked-up with in awhile wanted to see me. Once there, he asked me what I had been up to. Knowing I didn't want to spend alot of time talking about a serious matter, one of the things I mentioned was how I had just got done trying to help Jessica Ransom recruit male interviewees for her piece on racism in the LGBT community for OURsceneTV.com. This NOW former fuck-budddy is a White guy. And his response to me was to ask me, "There's racism in the gay community?"

I initially brushed it off as him trying to not kill the mood, which I was fine with because I mentioned it out of small talk, not at all wanting to make a big discussion about it. So we go at it, but I felt something was off. Off to the point that I wasn't the power-bottom I know I am when I bottom and enjoying my company, nor could I top him, as our original plan was to have a flip-fucking session. Whatever was in the air, I knew that this was going to be the last time that I ever hooked-up with this guy.

After my failed attempt at topping, we decided to jerk-off. Then he said something that showed me what exactly was in the air that was stopping me from topping him and being a cock-hungry power-bottom.

He said, "I can't believe that you think there's racism in the gay community."

This immediately led my cock to shrinking. But wait, there's more. He went on to say, "There's proof that's not so between us and there". When he said "there" he was pointing to his TV screen which was showing the DVD that I brought with me....
The Best of Black Men by Alexander Pictures, which had a dark and light-skinned Brazilian fucking on the screen at the time.

I could not believe that this guy was so fucking stupid that he would
1) bring up that subject again, at of all times, NOW? And;
2) dare try to compare what's going on in the real world to what he sees in a DVD movie knowing full well that these people are paid to fuck each other. You don't have to have ever been in the porn industry to know that is a dumb comparison to make.

I put my head in another place, not even thinking about him, and that's how I ejaculated. In past hook-ups with this guy, I would sleep over. This time, I took a towel, wiped myself off, got dressed, and walked out the door - making a vow to myself to never, ever return to that apartment. That is unless he moves out, and someone with a brain in their head moves in.

I was trying not to get political, but the fact is that I've always said to myself, and now I'm saying here, one key formula to make an inter-ethnic couple work is for the 2 people to have an understanding of the struggles that the other has to go through as an individual because of the color of their skin. In addition to his lousy timing, to say that there is no racism in the gay community clearly shows that no matter how much he may like Black guys, this guy lacks that needed human understanding for a successful inter-ethnic relationship - be it sexual or romantic. Hence...why this dumb mother fucker is single.

And I know the politically correct term is "interracial", but the fact is we are all one race - HUMAN. So I created a new term, "inter-ethnic", because that's what it is - a joining of 2 ethnicities, not 2 races. Anyone with a better word, I'm all ears.

I thought this go around of telling what some guys are doing to make themselves single wouldn't be fair without me taking a look at myself. Because some of you may be wanting to ask me, "If you're so great, then why is your ass single?"

I'll gladly answer.
It's because of one of the oldest dynamics known to man ---- OPPOSITES ATTRACT. It's because my superior intellect that allows me to make these insights keeps drawing in these bona-fide dumb-asses who need to feed off of my wisdom instead of enhancing it by having and sharing some of their own. So that is why I am single.

Now, I do have faith that one sweet day, someone with a great degree of intellect, common sense, and common courtesy will come along and enhance what I already have, and I will do the same for him. But until that day, even though I know that I'm bound to run into a few jackasses here and there....I'll keep having my occasional fun until my everlasting fun-buddy comes along.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Danny's Leaving, So I'll Keep Feeling

Last Wednesday night, I went to the party Ocean held at Splash Bar in NYC. Who did I wind up seeing there, but Danny. Yes, the same Danny I wrote about a couple of years ago having the back-and-forth involvement with since 2003.

When he saw me, he gave me this big hug with a grunt followed by some news.....He's moving to Atlanta.

How do I feel about this? I feel glad. Maybe now, my 6th sense won't go off the same way in the Star Wars saga, The Force tells a Jedi Knight about the presence of those close to him. You see, days before a run-in with Danny, I start to have these constant flashing thoughts of him, consisting mainly of my history of being unappreciated by him. Then when I actually see him, the reason for the flashes are confirmed. So with him going South, that alleviates me having to wonder when is the next trigger going to happen.

When Danny gave me that hug, I realized something about myself that happens everytime I've seen him. I find myself going emotionally numb. For someone who prides himself on his emotions and urging others to express theirs and not keep them bottled up, seeing myself in that state bothers and concerns me. And it's because of that concern that I need to take a good look at myself and find out WHY I go emotionally numb in Danny's presence. Well, I think I've figured out why.

I have often stated here how I am an extremist. In regards to emotions, some people have put themselves in the position of me either loving them or hating them. The problem is that when I hate, being in my presence puts you in danger of verbal violence from me, and with that verbal violence...physical has the danger of not being too far behind. Such as described in my post, "The Hulk In Us All".

With Danny, two emotional extremes are sparked. One part of me wants to forgive him as the Christian teachings of my upbringing have taught me, but if I show that forgiveness, I'll overdo it so that I can hide the intentions of the other part of me lurking in my inner-darkness. That other part of me that won't forget what he's done in order to protect me from putting myself in that position ever again with him or anyone else. And in that protection, that part wants to be unleashed so it can curse him out telling him how his hug is "too little, too late", while ripping off the very arm he's hugging me with, then beat him to death with it for making me need to put those safeguards up in the 1st place. So the reason I go emotionally numb in Danny's presence is because my dark side's will to surface and my forgiveness need to surface are both so strong that they cancel each other out - to the point that I then show no emotion at all, good or bad.

Some of you may be asking: If Danny is such a part of my past, and I'm over whatever you want to call we had, then why do I still talk about him? That's easy to answer. Think of all those that you've been involved with in your past as part of a blueprint to create a more stable love life in your not-too-distant future. On that blueprint, one or more people are going to signify where you install the alarms and emergency exits. For me, Danny is the one person whose constant lack of appreciating me and making me create the term, "emotional cripple" taught me where to install those alarms and emergency exits that I need in order to get out of relationships that have been, are, and will be beneath me. It was bad to the point that the song, "Appreciate Me" by Amuka made me one of the eye-catching dancers in the club because I danced my ass off to this song to let out my frustration.
So while a part of me is enraged by Danny's actions, another part of me thanks him. Because it has saved me from making the mistake of committing myself to practically every tragic person I've dated since.

When I left Splash Bar that night, I sent Danny a text message. It read:

After all that has happened between us, there isn't much I can say about your move but...I hope you've finally grown to know good when you have it. Goodbye.

I told my Mom about sending this text message, and she said, "That's you. Always leaving someone with words that stick with them, and making yourself someone they won't forget."

In truth, I don't care if he forgets me. My words however....I want them ingrained into his brain waves to motivate his actions so that he doesn't again become the part of the blueprint for a love life showing the alarms and emergency exits the way he has made himself to me. Good luck, Danny.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Tré Xavier - Sex Addict?

After attending the underwear party at Pieces Bar in NYC, I came home and checked my email. In it was a notification from Twitter telling me that I had a new follower. The follower was MTV.

It's not the 1st time that I've gotten such an email where I'm being notified by Twitter that someone with a name is following me. Early on after creating my Twitter account Out Magazine became one of my followers. That was easy to brush off when you take note of how many people Out Magazine follows. And of course, with all the poignant issues I have addressed here, I still have yet to write for and/or be interviewed by Out Magazine. Therefore, my initial reaction to being notified that MTV was following me was "no big deal". It's just that somehow they came across my name, and I was interesting for a hot minute.

However, after further investigation, I didn't realize how HOT that minute was, or what that HOT minute was about. I decided to go to the MTV Twitter page mentioned in the email. It said:

CASTING for MTV DOC True Life: I'm Addicted To Sex. Hit us up w/your story


Then as I scrolled down the page, I saw all of their tweets repeated that line but was directed at various people....I was one of those people. So I'm now realize that some of my tweets have given them the impression that I'm a sex addict. OK, if this is to proceed further, then I have to think about if I consider myself a sex addict.


Before I give an answer, let's explore some facts of my sexual history that may lead one to such a conclusion: 
1) I will admit to having such a big porn collection through DVDs and files on both my PC and laptop that I forget I am even in possession of some scenes and titles.
2) I do explore sex parties. Not every single one I get email invites to (that's too many cum-loads and an eventual need for Viagra), but a good number. I will admit to using volunteering to help out as a money-saver when its payment is FREE ENTRY.
3) I do partake of backroom style action in bars and clubs.
4) I did get a rush from doing all the videos that I have uploaded to XTube, GayForIt, and RocketTube, which I believe may have contributed to the nice cum-loads at the end of each.
 And I may very well do more - solos and/or with others, partly because I still get off on the continued following I have on these sites, even though I am retired from the gay porn industry.

In all of those facts, while like a sex addict, I am attracted to the act of sex. And like a sex addict, my personal preference ignites my libido. However, UNLIKE a sex addict, if that personal preference isn't found, I will lose interest in being satisfied by that means of the moment. This explains why that while I do have profiles on Manhunt, Adam4Adam, DudesNude and others, few guys can claim to having a sexual encounter with me through an online hook-up site.


A male sex addict is human, therefore he does have a type. But unless I'm wrong, if that type isn't available at the moment, a gay male sex addict then doesn't care who sucks his dick, who he fucks, or who fucks him. Just as long as the other person is willing to give him his preferred brand of sexual pleasure. Hence why I don't consider myself a sex addict. Because for me, a genuine attraction must be involved at all times, making me VERY PICKY about who I get that pleasure from. No matter how much I may want my dick sucked, if I find you unattractive, you are not sucking my dick. No matter how much I want to poke a hole, I refuse to fuck any hole in complete darkness no matter how sweetly tight you can claim it to be. And no matter how much my hole may twitch craving to be filled with a nice hard cock, even if you want to do it doggy-style and in the deepest dark room so I don't have to look at you, I MUST know AND like the face of who's fucking me and if I don't find you attractive,....you will not even be allowed to knock, so lose all hopes you may have of getting in.


Believe it or not, I'm not offended by MTV thinking of me as a potential candidate for their episode of "True Life" about sex addicts, even though I disagree. In fact, I'm honored to have been noticed. After all, when you think about it, I am a bit of an oddity. How many Black males with any media exposure whatsoever do you know who are as open about their sex lives and sexuality in general as I am, AND are out and proud gay/bisexuals? Sad to say, not many. It's because being a Black male this sexually open is taboo, even amongst Blacks. The mass media allows us Blacks to say and show that we like sex, but they never gives us the voice to say what we like exactly and why. So if this (what I take as a misunderstanding) gives me the opportunity to be one of the much needed many voices amongst Blacks to do that, then I'm all for it.


So in closing, while I do like sex, and not consider myself a sex addict, I am still sending this post to MTV. From there, I am leaving it up to them to decide....Is Tré Xavier a sex addict, or just a very sexual being?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Activist M.O.: IN Topic, Go Long! NEEDED Topic, Snip!

I knew what I was going to get when I put my fingers on that keyboard and started typing with my comment. Me, once again taking on the half-witted fucked up allegiances that stall the progress of the LGBT community.

Last week on Facebook, I saw an update from The Advocate about Ronnie Kroell saying in an editorial for The Huffington Post where he asks Americans to view the world through a “lens of integration, not separation”. While his editorial does make a remark about the separatism within the LGBT community, his main focus in the editorial is to make America as a whole accepting of members of the LGBT community. You are probably wondering why do I find this to be a problem. It is a problem because I felt as a gay right activist, that before he asks this of America as a whole, that he should ask it of the gay community. For not seeing their own community through the "lens of integration" and making separatism the way to go is the very reason that so many "-isms" plague the LGBT community. The top 3 being Ageism, Racism, and Sexism. All of these "-isms" halting the progress of the LGBT community need to be addressed FIRST, before we dare ask anything of America.

I made a comment to that effect, using racism as my main focus, and comment after comment made me have to go deeper and deeper in defending my point of view. That is, until I decided that I was going to address the matter in great length HERE - on my own turf.

My remarks about Ronnie Kroell's editiorial statements were not an attack on just Ronnie Kroell, gay rights activist. They were an attack on ALL of the most publicized gay rights activists in general, for I have grown annoyed and frustrated with how those aforementioned "-isms" are ignored because these activists are treating their activism plights like fashion trends - meaning they'll acknowledge the issue if it's the "IN" thing to address, like gay marriage and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". Meanwhile Ageism, Racism, and Sexism go repeatedly swept under the rug.

To best describe the reason for my frustration, let me use this analogy:
Think of America as a street. And each type of person based on orientation, religion, and position of power has their own house - the LGBT house, the Straight house, the Christian house, the Catholic house, the Government house, etc. In order to keep the street looking presentable, each house must maintain the upkeep of their yard, which means all the varieties of flowers (a.k.a. people) allowed to grow and prosper void of any interference from weeds (a.k.a. hatred) in their garden. Keeping that analogy in mind, the gay rights activists are inhabitants of the LGBT house. To tell America to accept us is like inhabitants of the LGBT house going to the Straight house, the Christian house, the Catholic house, the Government house, and all the other houses on the street, and telling them to get rid of their hatred weeds - BUT the entire time, the LGBT garden is a wreck with the weeds (of racism, ageism, and sexism) choking the life out of not only every non-White flower, but crawling around the older flowers and up the seasoned bushes that can educate and shelter the young flowers in the garden and choking the life out of them as well. That is what the gay rights activist (that the media-heads decide to put a spotlight on) are doing by asking America for acceptance and tolerance. They are going in everyone else's yard, telling them they need to clean up their weeds, and haven't even started to clean up their own yet. Said in 2 words ----SHEER HYPOCRISY.

Even though they should be addressed FIRST AND FOREMOST, the problems within the LGBT community like racism, ageism and sexism are repeatedly overlooked as they are tearing our community apart from within. With that being the case, how can we dare approach the American public on issues like gay marriage and DADT (the "IN" topics for activists) when we are so obviously damaged to the point that any right-winger can throw it back in our face. Before we address and correct those matter within our community, asking the American public to let us marry and to repeal DADT makes us look like hypocrites. And I have said it before, that in order to approach your oppressor, you must be better than they are. Being a hypocrite, as many gay rights activist are by not addressing the issues of racism, ageism, and sexism within the LGBT community makes us as a whole no better.

One comment defending Ronnie Kroell said that he might not take a stand on something like racism because his experiences may be different from mine. And you know what? That is a BULLSHIT excuse if I ever heard one.

Victor Hoff, the autor of MOC Blog is White, and has repeatedly spoke against racism, and has allowed me to do the same on his blog. Why would Victor do this, when: (1) he most likely has NOT had the run-ins with racism that I have, and; (2) would become way more popular by being another sell-out to humanity talking about only the "cute White boys"? It is because Victor Hoff is not all about living in a world where White is the only beauty. He is about compassion, and looking out for his fellow man which means seeing to it that every man of every color is treated and represented on an even plain. Therefore, the reason so many White gay activists won't speak on racism, ageism, or sexism it is because of them lacking that brand of compassion. Compassion that doesn't need to come from shared experiences, but from having enough depth of character. And the compassion these activists do display is just for show, which is why such separatist acts like ageism, racism, and sexism always winds up being a little snip in their speech, and never the main focus.

Another frustration of mine is that the gay media seems to want to make the gay activist packaged in the form young White males, making older voices of gay wisdom like Larry Kramer gone and forgotten. In another one of my comments on the website, I pointed out this fact as to how Ronnie Kroell is getting attention for what he's saying because he is a young, White male, because what he said is nothing new. I have seen, read and heard many gay people of various ages, colors, and genders say the same thing Ronnie Kroell said. The problem was that the media give them nowhere nearly as much hype, unless they were young White males.  This tells me that gay activism is now becoming a marketing gimmick rather than being about presenting the truth regardless of the package.

The same frustration followed me recently, as I tried to help Jessica Ransom recruit people to interview for her upcoming piece on Racism in the LGBT Community for OURsceneTV.com. To do that posting that I did to help recruit male interviewees, and those post that I've done in the past on the issue of racism, you know I feel passionately about it being addressed. What concerns me now is that the main gay media outlets like The Advocate, Out, Logo, etc. will allow the piece to go unnoticed by the gay masses because it is: (1)about (the not "IN" topic of ) racism AND; (2) produced by a woman.

Am I right to be concerned? With too many gay males being so sexist that they want the only gays in the room to be males, YES. And in addition to that, with most gay media heads being White males, HELL YES! And if you admit the truth to yourself, you will be concerned as well. But only time will tell if I'm right or not. This is one time, that I hope it becomes one of the very few times that I'm proven wrong.

So in closing, I make no apologies for anything that I said in reply to that posting about Ronnie Kroell. I made my comments there, and wrote this post to show that there is a big part of the LGBT community that is being overlooked in not just his, but all too many gay right activists' speeches, and no togetherness will be formed, therefore no battles will truly be won until they are addressed from within. Thank you.

Monday, July 5, 2010

In Lust With....Tall & Slim

I have made it no secret that I'm open to a connection with a man of practically any height from a variety of body types except for skinny, fat, and overly muscular. But out of every body type and height within that spectrum, I must admit that one body type makes the lust bucket in me shift into high gear. That type being guys who are tall & slim.

Before we go any further, let me assure you that I find a definite line between the words "slim" and "skinny". They hold the same difference as "husky" and "fat". In both comparison, the 1st word is the healthy version, while the other word is not.

I don't know exactly why I have this attraction. The best I can come up with is that it's because they often show themselves to be like me - more to them than their packaging would suggest. Mainly, in regards to their physical strength. When you look at a muscular gym-rat, be they short or tall, you're expecting them to be strong, and able to lift "x" amount of pounds. And especially during a sexual tryst, a 5'6" and 145 lbs. guy like me being picked and fucked in a standing position by a 5' 10" or taller muscular guy is not a surprise. It actually has sometimes become common and all too expected for my taste. With a tall and slim guy however, someone my size would initially think, "There's no way he would do me like that. He doesn't weigh much more than me to even try. And if he's successful, I doubt he'll do it a good length of time."

Um, SURPRISE!!!! The next thing you know that tall & slim guy has your little self holding on to his neck, preparing for his cock to slide into your ass, AND THEN he fucks you in that standing position for a longer time than a muscular gym-rat does.

Another reason for my attraction to tall and slim guys may also be that in addition to how unexpected their physical prowess is compared to muscle boys, being one who favors what's NOT considered the more popular choice makes me more drawn to their slim, unassuming physique. In the gay community, hitting the gym, becoming a muscle boy and gym-rat is pathetically common. To the point that, while this truth may offend many (do I care?), a gym-created (as opposed to labor-created) muscle boy is more likely to be just a fuck, while a tall & slim guy has a better chance of having the choice to be either a one-night stand, regular fuck-buddy, or even a boyfriend. It's because as I've said before, I LOVE NATURE. So I'm more drawn to someone with a natural fit physique than someone who (unless a physical condition makes it necessary) willingly stocks up on Creatine, Muscle Milk, protein shakes and any or all of those other muscle supplements, because they've made themselves into prisoners of attaining the stereotypical gay image of a beautiful male physique. In a muscle boy's defense, I must admit that I do get off on seeing and tasting those thick, creamy white loads of man-milk they spew because of those supplements.

Proof of my attraction to tall & slim guys can easily be found in the history of this blog. For while my writings about muscle boys have often been 1-time things, tall & slim guys have more often been mentioned as regular fuck-buddies. Tom D. and my partner in crime in my sexscapades from "Backroom Sleaze On The Seas" and "Live On Stage....FUCKING!" are just 2 of the tall & slim guys that I have mentioned more than once. And there have been others that I haven't mentioned, and I'm sure there will be more.

What makes me sure there will be more is because one thing all of these guys have in common is that besides the known theory of tall & slim guys having big dicks (which an anti-size queen like myself could care less about), they ALL have had nice asses
Asses that an ass-man like myself have found irresistible at rimming, then groping and massaging while being fucked by them or while fucking them, like I did a tall, slim Asian hottie recently with a tight engulfing tunnel that made me feel I was being given a run for my money. I don't know why they have such great asses. Maybe it's nature's way of making up for what girth they don't have on their arms, legs, and/or chest, so nature puts it elsewhere on their body. Whatever the reason, I'm fine with it ;-)


Now, if you'd excuse me, all of this talk about the sex appeal of tall & slim guys is making me crave to be on my back, and fucked like a savage in missionary position, while giving a tall, slim hottie's ass a massage with my hands and feet.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Blackout Room = Troll Central Station

Let me start this post by asking a question that could hit on the fact of how way too many sex party promoters do false advertising.

Patrons, of those parties that claim to have so many hot and sexy guys confirmed to attend with a blackout room as part of, or is the entire the set up for the party, how many have you discovered to have a bevy of trolls in attendance instead?

I'm sure your answer is EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

It's a fact that I probably don't need to point out, but men with any degree of confidence in their looks don't want to hide it when pursuing a sex partner, because they have a confidence in their looks that makes them know what they want instead of settling for anything with a pulse the way trolls do. Trolls go to a sex party, and if it's in a dark room, if you have a nice body, you're a bigger target, but in all actuality, almost any body will do. And no matter how much you may try to get them off of you, their desperation makes them ignore your body language and/or words saying "NO".

In some cases, the trolls make the "blackout room" themselves. I volunteered at one party where to create an ambiance, we changed the white light bulbs originally in the area to colored bulbs. As I'm taking a tour after all of the set-up crew's hard work, I come back to that area I was setting up within the 1st hour of the party to find practically all of the lights are OUT. And since I have the rare gift of being able to have some degree of vision in the dark, I get to see who the culprits are that without haste are now lining the newly pitch black walls...TROLLS. Now, had they had any degree of self-confidence maybe they wouldn't be justify being called "trolls". However, to undo my work because of your low self-esteem makes you the very ugly bitch that you think that you are.

A part of me feels sorry for them being so desperate, but another part of me bears in mind how they most likely made themselves into this. Whether it's by them making themselves a slave to the corporate world that they never got up from behind a desk and did anything for themselves which has led to the pounds getting put on. Or made their boss into a god by catering to that boss's bitchiness that they've worried to the point of aging before their time. Or if it's by excessive drug use taking its toll by speeding up the aging process. Or excessive drinking that has led to a gut that makes you look like you're 9 months pregnant and your water can break at any second. I then realize that I AM NOT A RENTBOY or RENTMEN, therefore I don't have to cater to your physical flaws induced by your own lacks in self-worth and self-pride.

In short, unless I decide to escort, you made your bed, now lie in it...alone.

I like reveling in the beauty of my partner during sex. To the point that of all the tryst I've had at my place, all but one had the lights ON. And that one exception was because my room was such a horrid mess more than the others that even I couldn't bear to look at it.

Anyway, proof of my love for seeing my partners can be found as early as my post from just a couple of weeks ago, "Write That Down #20", where I said:

"....I myself am just coming back from the Hot Jock Party where I was a top all night. Pleased to say that I pretty much sucked and fucked the United Nations as my playmates included the bubble-butts of a Latino, a muscular White American and a muscular Euro, and a tall and slim Black guy. No Asian booty got plugged, but I did cop a feel of some of their smooth asses and suck on some of their cocks."

Now, if I was all about sex in a blackout room, then how would I know and adore the fact that I was dipping my dick in a bag of Skittles and "tasting the rainbow"....and what a sweet rainbow it was. Being able to see you in the dim or full-on lights allows me to have no regrets.

I don't like having to refer to the lights coming on as "the ugly lights". At the Hot Jock Party, I don't have that problem. But there are some parties that I won't name the names of (this time) where you will have that problem.

Therefore, for someone to host a party in complete darkness is not looking to cater to a crowd self-confident about their looks. They're catering to those with low self-esteem who wish to hide. I will admit that this is to some degree a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario. Because while a room full of people arrogant over their looks can create an annoying vibe, a room full of people with think of themselves as ugly creates a depressing vibe. So your choice becomes which can you endure and get over easier, (a) the annoying vibe or (b) the depressing vibe. I personally will take choice (a) because I can fuck that annoyance vibe away alot easier,  while the depression vibe may kill my chance of even getting a hard-on altogether.

Now, those who think they're so cute shouldn't get too comfortable. For most of the guys we think are attractive now are living the very aforementioned lifestyles that lead them to becoming trolls in the near future. So they will soon be living in Troll-dom themselves because the fact is....youth hides the effects of those aforementioned lifestyles that leads one to become a troll for but so long. Proof can be found in many old pictures of guys that you would now classify as trolls.

So in closing, I say to you self-confident hotties looking for a party, if you see "blackout party" in an ad....STAY AWAY! And you hosts claiming that you'll have so many hot guys in your party when it's a blackout party....SHAME ON YOU for making such promises! Because we all know the equation:

Blackout Room = Troll Central Station

And if they didn't know before, thanks to me....they do now.

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