Good Tré, Evil Tré". Instead, I am in an inner-battle with myself to either maintain being known as "Tré Xavier", OR choosing to start using my legal first name, which I will refer to throughout this post by its first initial, "L".
Truth be told, I've been wanting to use my legal first name ever since I got into porn. You see, I knew before getting into porn that I personally would never have any shame about being a part of it, nor was I going to cater to others' pretentious attitudes towards it. Plus, had I kept my legal first name, I would not be having this inner-conflict that I am having now.
I'm sure many of you are wondering what brought about this inner-conflict. Well, what has happened is that alot of things have come to light about myself and the gay porn industry after I did "R.I.P. Tré Xavier - Porn Actor: 1 Year Later". One of those being that I seem to have become tired of leading a life of duality. You see, "Tré Xavier" was born for porn. It was a persona meant to be all about my sexual side, and willing to go to the extremes of sex via experimentation since I was doing it in the "safe" confines of a porn set. A perfect example of this was my agreeing to be a part of the cast in my last porn movie, "B.L.A.K: Bruthas Live And Kinky",
Since that time, it has been like I've had 2 personalities. Whether I sit my keyboard to start typing, or write thoughts on a pad, if it's for a sexual blog post, then it's "Tré Xavier" doing the writing, but when it's a social matter to address, it's "L" doing the writing. Once I decided to retire from porn, it was as if the 2 personalities became integrated, where a spell of "Tré Xavier" is there. But I'm not feeling any of those scenarios to be the case anymore.
Now, since making "R.I.P. Tré Xavier - Porn Actor: 1 Year Later", I have found myself with a growing hunger for people to know me as "L", and not as "Tré". So I'm feeling now that "Tré Xavier" may exist for fans, but....he no longer exist FOR ME. And that actually was my original plan when I decided to do porn. However, once I was deciding to retire, for some reason I began to re-think that idea. And my re-thought idea became confirmed by someone pointing out that I've made a brand out of the "Tré Xavier" name. But I don't think I'm that well-known, so the question I must now ask myself is:
While I may have made the name "Tré Xavier" a brand, is it at a point of notoriety where a slight name-change would hurt the product, and what I now have to add in offering it?
I asked my Mom about this, and she made a very good point. She reminded me of how before he became known by his present pseudonym, "P. Diddy", that he was previously known as "Puff Daddy". And during the time of both names, he has been waaaaay more well-known than me, and it's done nothing to hurt his notoriety. So it gives me something to think about.
I know that after all of this that you are wondering what "L" stands for. To be honest, it's not your usual "L" name (unique like the man it was bestowed upon, THANKS MOM), and it has sometimes been right in front of your face, even when you have met me in person. So unless you figure it out based on those clues, I will reveal what "L" stands for once I've come to a decision (maybe with your help) as to which name I will use as my 1st name....
....The name you have come to know me by so far, OR will you have to begin to know me by my legal 1st name as I move forward to explore the great things I feel the future holds for me?