Many people define "sexual orientation" differently. When some speak of it, their focus is only on which gender one has sex with. While others (like myself) are talking about which gender(s) you have a sexual attraction to, which doesn't necessarily mean that you have sex with them. So if it is both genders that you have a sexual attraction to, whether you act on only one or both attractions, in this 2-part post, that makes you "bisexual". Please keep that in mind while reading.
"The Big Bad Bi."
I made that phrase up, but it is how some people act towards bisexuality. The question is who?
Pardon me if that seemed uncouth. But when you take note of how long a struggle it was for me to realize my orientation (almost 31 of my 39 years), you can see why I can go on such a verbal attack on someone daring to question it.
My bisexuality has been the source of quite a few debates over time. Mainly with militant gays. Before I even had my first taste of a woman at a bi-sex party, it was a constant debate with them trying to tell me that I can't know for sure that I am bisexual until I've actually had the experience of both genders.
These are dumb fuckers who don't think before they speak. But more importantly, they're not taking note of who they're attempting to match wits with....ME.
Because while everyone doesn't have the same orientation, everyone does actually know their orientation before doing a sexual act with that gender - even if they live in denial of it for whatever reason. So in retaliation, I would easily bring forth the point of how they knew they were gay before having sex with their own gender, and they would reluctantly find themselves having no choice, but to shut the fuck up. And my attraction to women was no different. Even before I lost my virginity to a man, my sexual attraction to women was as alive then, as it was that night of that bi-sex party, and as alive as it is today.
My quote for "Write That Down #22" was inspired by flashbacks of people over time taking issue with the term "bisexual" by saying that it was just a myth. I have had enough of hearing their ignorance. And ignorance it is. For it's the usual case of pointing the finger at someone else when you should be pointing it at yourself.
I don't know why the straights who don't believe in bisexuality feel the way they do exactly. I do know however that those straights are mostly American. And even though American straights have evolved more than American gays, the best I can surmise to be the reason for the disbelief in bisexuality is because of the limiting outlook on sexuality we Americans have been taught in this country. Worldwide however, the reason straight non-believers need to point the finger at themselves is because somewhere inside them, they know they need to evolve. Yet, they refuse to and stick with the repressive attitude that they were taught instead of taking a good look around them, and realizing how real bisexuality really is.
I have always felt that members of the LGBT community have allowed themselves to be underrated in statistics. If they didn't, then the web-store 10percent.com would have a better name - one with a more representative number of the gay population. For I have never believed that only 10% of the world population is gay. 10% is a cop-out number that those making up the statistics use when they don't want to admit that there is more of us out there than they care to know. They used that same number to represent the American Black population as well. It's a tactic used to make the statistic-maker (who is often the oppressor) feel stronger (because as they say, "strength in numbers"), and the minority feel that their number makes them a presence that they must continue taking grief from their oppressors. Hence why that statistic would make the other 90% of sexual beings "straight". From my experience, even before realizing my own orientation, I can say how that percentage is bullshit if I ever heard it!
Here is my estimate based on my life experiences of encounters, innuendos (be they by conversation or art), and vibes that I have gotten from people: 25% TOTALLY straight, 25% TOTALLY gay, and 50% bisexual. And of that 50% bisexual, the majority are the opposite of me - meaning they are "predominately straight bisexuals". They may have sex with both genders, OR they may have sex with only the opposite sex, but that does not change the fact that they also have a sexual (not necessarily romantic) attraction to their own gender. Therefore, they can still be considered bisexual.
Take note that someone's sexuality and sex acts are 2 different things. Someone's sexuality is their orientation, while a "sex act" is the act that shows that orientation is present in the person, but that act doesn't necessarily mean that it's their overall orientation (as I will elaborate on in Part 2). So keeping my estimates in mind, it's bisexuality that is the norm and not heterosexuality in regards to orientation. But in regards to sex acts, heterosexual sex acts remain the norm.
I am aware that all that I've said here may be a lot to take in. Maybe that's why some are so quick to scoff at bisexuality in the 1st place. It's easier than using their brains to really think about how you might not be as "straight" or "gay" as you think you are, especially when your sexual behavior is already for the most part considered the norm, or your miserable because it's not considered the norm, and you want some company in your misery. These people need to realize that just because you're not 100% straight or 100% gay, doesn't mean you must use sex to fulfill that secondary percentage. You can use flirtation. In fact, I'm sure that's what many people do all over the world....and they don't even realize it.
So let's stop this debate over bisexuality. Accept that it's real, and accept that it may be you. Now, should you take a good hard look at yourself, and discover that you are bisexual, then do it the same as I hope you are doing thinking that you are 100% straight or 100% gay....make the choices that make you AND your partner(s) happy. Do that, and all will be fine.