About 2 months ago, in Write That Down #11, I got into a debate with Chris Stansfield over how I feel the stand on barebacking should be a matter of choice, and not people being to be judgemental of barebacking as some are. At one point in this debate, I said that it is unnatural to have a barrier between a man and his partner. I want to write this post to further clarify my motivation to say that.
When I made that statement, I was initially thinking of it from the perspective of the man who wears the condom. However, the fact is that this is a feeling that I'm sure his partner, be that partner male or female, feels very much the same way on some level on consciousness. Proof being not only gays who do barebacking, but also the number of straight pairings everyday that result in unplanned pregnancies.
I had to address this because I personally felt my statement and explanation wasn't in depth enough, and left too much room for misconception of what my motivations for making that statement are, and why I feel some who challenge it are wrong to do so. With that misconception, I'm sure some are eager to paint me as someone ready to scream from the roooftops, "Throw your condoms away and everybody fuck raw!"
THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT BY ANY MEANS. Proof being the constant supply of condoms I keep in my bedroom, and dip into and use on an overwhelming majority of my sexscapades.
I still stand by my original statement of how having a barrier between you and your sexual partner is unnatural, BUT I am well aware that because of the times we live in that a barrier must be taken into consideration. For I do believe HIV/AIDS is unnatural as well, and (at least for now) it may very well need to be thwarted by unnatural means like condom usage. But with sex being such a private matter, that does not change the human right to choose, or give others using the "exhausting of the health care system" excuse the right to try taking our right to choose away.
What I find amazing is how a good number of people I know who are so quick to try using the "exhausting the health care system" excuse in order to crucifying those who practice barebacking have the audacity to be smokers.
What is my point?
The point is before going on your witch-hunt, ask yourself how many cancer patients may have gotten cancer because their lungs couldn't handle exposure to (even tiny remnants of) the cigarette and cigar smoke floating in the air? How many cancer fund-raisers are created to combat the so-called strain put on the health care system because of what YOU smokers are doing? I'm not saying that barebacking is a better practice than smoking or vice versa, but I am saying that you need to stop your preaching, and put your "shame-on-you" finger away, and unless you have pointed it at yourself FIRST. THEN you have every right to preach and chastize others. So until then, I see no reason for this constant battle to keep going on.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I suspect such hypocrisy is the case of a former pornstar who I still see in social settings who told me after 4 years of showing me some degree of support to stop sending him my emails. This after I made known my supporting the right to choose with barebacking by posting "Write That Down #11" and the video "Tre Xavier with Lucky Irish" that followed. This being a coincidence is highly unlikely when you take into account of how he doesn't share my feelings on barebacking. Out of respect for his feelings, I never sent him emails about either of those posts, but he's also known for being a control freak which furthers my suspicions. In fact, he once provoked an email war between us by taking a motherly "Shame-on-you" tone in an email showing no appreciation for a post I wrote in his defense.
There's another level of hypocrisy that must be addressed. The worst kind actually. People acting so indignant towards those who have sex without a condom, YET they themselves have in the past, or are presently not in monogamous relationships, but having sex without a condom. It's the ago old trick of using those brave enough to be forthcoming as a distraction so no one finds out the guilty pleasure that you hide either behind your present closed doors or as a dark time in your past. Like the many politcians who have passed anti-gay legislation, but are gay themselves, I bet these anti-barebacking finger-pointers are no better in their sex practices. Even if one feels that their sex without a condom was a mistake, it doesn't justify a "holier-than-thou" attitude where you hide the truth about your own actions.
So in closing, I hope this shows that my statement was for all those that want to shake the "Shame On You" finger at people who have sex without a condom, that instead of taking the "holier than thou" attitude, try understanding nature first. Understand how nature can makes us forget in the throws of passion. Understand how nature makes us hesitant about using that barrier no matter what times we live in and what knowledge we have accumulated, because of the intense degree of intimacy involved in sex. THEN you may have a better understanding of why people bareback without being so judgemental.