Thursday, July 30, 2009
Early on during Daniel Nardicio's WFAG Radio show, Daniel had Bianca Del Rio and another drag queen, Shealita BaBay on the air. Shelita made a joke comparing 2 places. To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to it, but I did hear the supposed punchline with Shealita Babay saying about the 2 places that, "They're both full of niggers".
Now, after my recent incident in the posts of "Sex, Then Violence Resurrection", you would think I would fly off the handle. Yet, I did not. It's simple to explain why I didn't lose my stack. In that blog post, I knew the person to a degree that I believed that I had no need for my guard to be up against hurtful words like "nigger". In this instance, I just met Shealita, so he was a stranger to me, which meant that guard was up, therefore him saying "nigger" had no effect on me.
They went to break then Daniel said he wanted me to respond to that comment. Of course he did, especially since others did gasp at such a punchline, plus it turned out being that I was the only Black person there. My initial thought was, "Fuckin' great! I'm trying to take a break from being on the soapbox, and here I go again. Have I made myself a lightning rod for raical controversy?"
Part of this frustration was the fact that during this weekend is when I was writing a piece for MOC Blog regarding the portrayal of Blacks and Latinos in gay porn, so I was trying to limit my soapbox standing to just that post, and nothing more. But thanks to Shelita slip of the tongue, my plans abruptly changed.
Once back on the air, Daniel asked me how I felt about what Shealita said. My response was that I let words have little effect on me, and when it comes to the word "nigger", I look at it the way Chris Rock once said in an HBO special, "There are Black folks, and there are niggers", and I am not a nigger. While I made it clear that I wasn't affected by such a punchline, I am well aware that this response might not be satisfactory to many Blacks who were listening and therefore became offended. That's why I'm using this post to address the matter. Because go into any more detail at that moment on the air could have easily had me unintentionally trying to make Daniel's radio show into "Tré's radio show", and I have always been one respectful of other's time and space, so that karma will have my time and space be respected in return.
Let me start by making clear that I can't speak for every Black person, so my replies won't make everyone happy. And I really don't care if they do or not. For the best I can do is explain my prospective, and try seeing and explaining how other Blacks may feel about a situation to those who need to understand the offense that could have been taken.
I did feel a twinge when Shealita made that remark, but it wasn't for myself. It was all the Blacks and racially sensitive non-Blacks listening who don't have that defense mechanism against cruel words that I have. I've always had that sort of psychic link to people where I pick up others' emotions, be they near or far. And I'm sure with the history behind that word, there were enough people sensitive to that word's history that feeling some kind of rage in the air from it being said was inevitable - starting with the people there at Daniel's house who knew that Shealita crossed a line by saying it.
However, call it a suspicious mind or what you will, I can't help but wonder would that chorus of gasp been as loud as it was had I not been there? I'm sure there would have been gasps, and I'm sure the joke would not have been allowed to go on unreprimanded, but I'm compeeled to ask, were the gasps I heard born from real emotions of shock and disapproval, or were they put on simply because after such a bad joke, my presence as a Black man became the elephant in the room?
While every drag queen has a schtick, and Shealita's being the portayal of a Southern Christian racist female, use of the word "nigger" by a White person is not amusing. He might be able to get away with it on Fire Island with its mostly White population, but the fact is the word "nigger" is offensive, no matter what color the person is who says it. Even when I have used it here in some blog posts, it is NEVER meant to be comical - it is meant to sting with offense. With that in mind, I think it would be best if Shelita found an schtick using language that didn't border on such a fine line. Because the reality is you can't really do a gig in New York City saying things like that. Here - that could be down right dangerous.
I don't know what kind of response came from listeners hearing Shealita say "niggers". Even if there was no response at all, I know my guts makes me feel the anger of the non-racists listeners. And I hope Shealita caught at least a whiff of that vibe as well.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
As for his reply to my question, Dominic told me to get back to him in 6 months which is when the numbers will be in well enough for him to have a definite answer.
What inspired my apology is Dominic's willingness to address this issue, and for that I have a great deal of respect for him. Michael Lucas knows of the things I say about him, but he's so high on himself that he's never tried defending himself knowing full well that people are agreeing with me wholeheartedly. The fact that Dominic Ford tried to settle this matter to the extent of offering a face-to-face discussion says a great deal to me about who between them has character and who has none. Therefore who of them deserves to be the next step in gay porn, and who should hang it up (no matter how many papers and magazines turn themselves into rags by commending him).
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tré Xavier: What The Blatino Awards Aren't
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
For starters, the name Tré Xavier isn't going anywhere. I was advised by Christopher Jones of Jones Model & Talent in but so many words, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Because the name, Tré Xavier, is now coined due to all that I've done under that name. That's why I recently re-edited my latest dance video "Touch/So Much Betta" by putting the name "Tre Xavier" in the credits instead of "LeNair Xavier Taprovo". It's the same video, same dance moves, but now under a name you are more familiar with.
You can download this video as a .wmv file by clicking HERE.
If I were to pull off such a dance, it would be a huge undertaking, by being a big jump from my last video. For starters, it would take me choregraphing others because I envision it as having from 5 - 7 more dancers with me. There are other songs I'm considering, but being the extremist that I am, since the last one went off so well, I want to make a HUGE leap with the next one. But I think I should pace myself on this, and make the next step be that instead of more people, I should show the more intricate dance moves that I'm capapble of.
So what will I do next? I guess you'll just have to stay tuned to find out.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
When I write a post about someone, especially when it's negative, I will inform the guilty party. Some might say this is me looking for trouble. The real reason I do this is because while I'm aware that I don't have the most popular blog in the world, it is still a small world nonetheless. With that in mind, I feel it is better for me to inform the person that I wrote about our conflict, rather has some gossiping queen come along and tell the person who is the subject of a post, "Child, guess what Tré said about you? Um-hm, I read it in his blog today. Girrrrl, you need to check it out and verify, child."
It looks better on me if I am the one who tells that person about the existence of that post, because it's me standing behind my words in that post with that action saying, "I wrote this about you because this is what you did. This is how I see you now. And whether or not you like what I said is of no relevance to me. What is relevant is that it's the truth."
I did S. Sparling no different after posting "Sex, Then Violence Resurrection". I sent him an email informing him about the post, and telling him how sorry I felt for him. He did reply, and the 1st sentences in his reply made me feel less upset about my lost of control. Not the fact that I slapped him, but the fact that as a self-control freak, I lost control. The sentences read:
"I did not say "nigger" and you completely missed any point I was trying to make. I already explained this to you the night you had your fit. It was a sarcaastic, nuanced political point I made that is still, and was, lost on your feeble brain."
First off, being "sarcastic" (when spelled correctly even by a schoolteacher) is meant to be humorous, and he was not trying to be humorous when he said that word. And secondly - what, he said "nigga" instead? From a White person's mouth to a Black person's face in a moment of conflict, that is not a word to be said in any context no matter how you spell it. Therefore, whatever negative reaction that Black person is incited to give that White person, is exactly what that White person deserves. Now, being that I am aware of that fact, who between us really has the "feeble brain"?
From that response of his, he has further incited my dark side whose extreme ways lead me to know nothing of compassion or human concern when it comes to his existence. So if that slap didn't give him a clue, the thought of the extremes it may take before he gets the clue, is no concern of mine. It's the concern of fate's now.
Sparling's stubbornness in this situation may very well be a product of him considering himself "educated". I did get one comment from "The Doc" that made me need to clarify this. Since the comments between us were so long, I'm sure many of you didn't read them all. With that in mind, I will re-iterated about what exactly I meant by condemning the term, "educated".
The way of using the word, "educated" that I am condemning is based on an American perception. An American perception where priding oneself much more so on book-smarts than life-smarts is a stereotypical White American trait. So the reason I'm condemn use of the word "educated" is because it was originated by those bigoted stereotypical White Americans, who throughout history have used the word "educated" to enable a feeling of superiority to those minorities who while not having a higher education, show they have a superior intellect by way of their knowledge of life overall.
I may be such a minority. As many of you have come to like my blog for my displays of intellect on life matters, I am proud to admit that all I have is a high-school education. With that combination, making me still well-read and well-versed are abilities which I'm sure is why I irk the nerves of many a stereotypical White person like S. Sparling.
In short, I believe we should pride ourselves on BOTH book-smarts and life-smarts. That is the reason that I have the friends that I have of all colors. Because while some have been through the higher education system, we have discussed this matter enough that I know for a fact that they understand my saying the word "educated" in that vernacular and agree with me.
So it seems, besides my wake-up call about this person, it seems some good came from this conflict after all. And that's the reason for my including the above pic I found of us. I put this picture in as a way for me to face my mistakes in judgement, but as I read and re-read this post, I will also always take pride in the lessons that are an aftermath of that misjudging.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Well, if they do, based on some recent experiences of mine, it's because something about that stigma causes them to make their fun happen, be they a natural or dyed blond. I have nothing against brunettes, but most that I've been in contact with (at least lately) have been total teases.
If you surmise that I've been getting a lot of action from blonds lately, you would be correct. Just as I got to the idea to do this post partly because of a blond fuck-buddy from my 2nd after -Queens Pride tryst, I got in the dilemma of choosing which of 2 blonds should I let have me just the other night.
The first blond I believe was a natural blond. I was smitten with him as soon as he stood next to me at the bar to order a drink. Being my usual shy self, I didn't say anything. It was fate that stepped in later to make us start talking.
An older guy was almost stalking me in the bar. He saw me kiss a guy goodbye, and he was still trying to follow me around. I usually feel sorry for these older, out of shape men because of American gay males' obsession with youth. Even though I have less sympathy because they usually allowed themselves to become out of shape, I still try to not be cruel. However, that kind of following when I've made it obvious that I'm not interested does become annoying. I feel like screaming to them, "I DO NOT PLAY GAMES! THIS IS NOT ME PLAYING HARD-TO-GET, DAMNIT! I'M NOT FUCKIN' INTERESTED!"
The natural blond saw the older guy coming after me, and said jokingly, "You seem to have an admirer".
I smiled at him and said, "Yeah."
"Don't you hate that?", he continued. "No matter what you do, or how nice you try to be about it they just don't get the hint."
I replied glad to see someone knew my pain, "I know."
He said, "When I see someone in that situation, I sometimes do this-" He then stood directly in front of me being a definite cock-block to the older guy, and started acting like he was in a much deeper conversation with me.
I told him, "Thank you". However what I really wanted to do was ask him if I could repay him by taking off my pants and letting him fuck the holy hell out of me as I position myself properly on the bar stool for his entry into me. Because his coming to the rescue like that made me even more hot for him.
Later on, I went to investigate the backroom, but nothing was going on. He came in soon after, and then others started to come in as well. While me and the natural blond are looking at the crowd still outside the backroom, I saw one of the go-go boys (who is NOt a blond) that I'm in absolute lust with, and went out to tip him and feel that hot dancer's ass of his one more time. Originally unintended, I put a dollar in the front of his jockstrap, and got to play with his pubes and discover how thick his cock is. I hope my fantasy isn't straying too far from reality because as I fantasize that he's at least versatile, or a total top, his mannerisms and dance moves suggest that if he's versatile, he's more of a bottom.
After tipping the go-go boy, I returned to the backroom room to find the natural blond fooling around with someone else. BUT this did not stop him from losing interest in me, as he reached for me when I returned. So he got sandwiched between this other guy and me. As this was happening, another blond came into the picture.
The blond hottie who felt me up in the bathroom in "Fuck A Prize-Winning Ass" came up behind me. I'm sure he didn't remember me from that, but it was good to see that his being attracted to me wasn't so fleeting that it was for that one night at The Urge and no other time or place. He's the reason why I felt the stigma about blonds having more fun is what causes those who are dyed blond to make their own fun. He not only felt me up, but once he felt my ass, he made it clear that he wanted to fuck it.
Here was my dilemma. Do I stop playing with a guy I've lusted for since he walked into the place, but did the noble act of rescuing me from a possible stalker, so I can let my hungry hole get filled by a hottie who I've lusted over for months since our last encounter?
Whether it's wrong or right, the bleached blond won out.
Evidently, I was in a mood to be submissive, because after I reached into my pocket and follwed my order of putting on a condom, in return I followed all of his orders. Be that order to "bend over", "take that dick" (with his turning out to be quite the hole-filler with it's thickness), or to suck some other hot guy's cock while he pounded my ass. An ass-pounding that went beyond the backroom. It went from there to the restroom, then because the bar was closing, it continued in a nearby park where we got caught by a straight couple as I was going down on him. And he had a stamina that you wouldn't believe, because as each position and place changed, he rammed my ass in a way that felt like he wasn't stopping no time soon. For that, even though his face and body was nothing to scoff at, I LOVED his cock.
We both had living situations that prohibited us from going to one of each other's homes. So we parted ways with the muscles of my ass cheek and back of my upper thigh feeling the workout he gave me. I'm sure we'll run into each other again, and I hope we pick up where we left off.
The blonds coming after me doesn't stop there. Another guy who is part of the idea for this post is a natural blond from my past that I ran into just last week, and exactly 7 days later I ran into him again last night. We originally met at the sex club, Paddles. I refreshed his memory of this when I saw him last week, and as it came back to him, he recalled exactly where in the club he fucked me. After that, his face lit up and he wouldn't stop groping me. We didn't have sex that night last week, and we didn't have it last night, but such often run-ins indicate that fate might be setting up a "reunion" of sorts. And if that is the case, fate will get no argument from me.
With all this blond action happening lately, why don't I put that idea of being gangbanged by go-go boys aside, and get gangbanged by a bunch of hot blonds instead? Hmmmm.
Monday, July 13, 2009
My questions to myself are (1)What made me lose it so that I actually slapped him? And (2)who else besides him was I slapping when my hand hit his face?
As a writer, I taught myself to live by the saying "Stick and stones, can break my bones, but names will never hurt me." It was my way of building immunity to my own weapon that you've seen me use so often during the 3 1/2 years of me blogging - words. So what was so different that I reacted this time? It was because I've been called so many things in my life that nothing much can phase me now. BUT I have never, ever been called "nigger" by a White person before. In some White people's actions maybe, but not the actual word emitted from their racist lips. So I've concluded that to be the reason why I lost it so much that I slapped him.
As for who else was I slapping, that's easy to answer. Like I just said, some White people's actions say the word, "nigger", that's who else I was slapping. Such as:
I was slapping every porn studio head whose actions say the word, "nigger" as they overlook medium to dark-complexioned Black models by sticking to their "Whites and light-complexions only" rule or due to the recession are just now treating darker-complexions as marketable, or use them to practice tokenism.
I was also slapping every club and bar owner, and party promoter in New York City that have a mixed patronage, but never hire Black go-go boys and bar staff, and when they do, once again - it's tokenism, because such an actions also say the word, "nigger".
And lastly, I was slapping every Pierre Fitch-like faggoty queen I've encountered who says White skin feels better. Because such a statement also says the word, "nigger".
So in short, when I slapped S. Sparling, he was taking one for the racist team he showed himself to belong to. I wonder does he think it was worth it? Does he realize what he's done? And with that much rage behind that slap, plus all the other garbage I've been put through in those 23 years that I didn't but wanted to react violently to, I also wonder does he have a mark to remind him of that night? If so, I won't say it's a job well-done, but I will say he got what he deserved.
After he finally caught up to me, he seemed to be trying to sneak-attack me. Good luck with that since he was wearing flip-flops. He said he was going to call 9-1-1.
My response, "Feel free." And I kept walking, as he appeared to be telling an operator that I was walking real fast, and trying to get away from him. Partial lie, because I walk fast naturally. But I was trying to get away from him, because that was the reason I walked away so quickly after slapping him. I knew that if I stayed near him, I was going to hit him again, once again at any given second, and it wasn't going to be a slap next time. And with that much rage already unleashed by a slap that he claimed to cause a ringing in his ear, what would happen from the impact of me punching him? MAJOR DAMAGE that I would rather not put into words here. So YES, I did need to get away from him.
He was to some degree aware of this, as he kept trying to bait me into hitting him. He insulted my blog, insulted my being in porn calling it "disgusting", yet he wanted in especially when I told him of my possible deal with FlavaWorks. Once I informed him of how I ended talks on that deal, that's when he started stepping back from me. The problem with these new verbal attacks from him is that they were the verbal attacks that I for years taught myself to be immune to, so he's already said the worst he could say to me, and he paid the price for it with that slap across the face. If I was an unstable someone else, maybe he'd get the suicide beating he seemed to be craving by shooting off at the mouth.
Anyway, it was becoming obvious even before that night of how he was a user. There's an ex-boyfriend of his who is also a fuck-buddy AND is 23 years older than him. Once he told he that his father was physically abusive to him it became apparent that this ex was the product of an ongoing daddy-complex. You see, this ex gets him in free to places, including the sex party where I met him. And I guess, the fuck-buddy deal is payment. So while he tried to insult porn, he's a hypocrite by prostituting. And that's the only reason he goes to these places is because he's getting that free ride. That's also why he agreed to come to DRIP with me, because there was no cover charge, and he came to the Seven Deadly Sins:Pride party, because I was on a comp guestlist. As all these things started coming to light, I had to keep him near to learn was I on the right track in concluding the worst about him. And with that word coming from his lips, I had no idea how ugly he really is inside that is sure to make it's way on the outside, as racism always does.
What was worse was to discover that this guy was a stereotypical White person. And my most loyal readers know how much I loathe stereotypical people of any race or nationality. He accused me of being pretentious, arrogant, and acting like I know-it-all, YET his attempt to lecture me shows him to be all those things. And the reason why is because as a stereotypical White person, he tries to live his life believing he's superior because he's "educated". To squash that delusion of grandeur I have 1 name for you - George W. Bush. He's what would be considered "educated", but if he was so intelligent by way of that education, President Barack Obama would not be stuck having to clean up the mess that George W. Bush made over those 8 years he was in office.
To think back that I allowed a stereotypical White person to eat my ass, I now wish I hadn't douched, took a laxative, and force fed him my shit. Especially since I know he isn't into scat. It would have been a stinky dish he well-deserved to be fed.
This guy's life is riddled with people connected to him out of his negative issues. He also claims to have another ex that is stalking him. I've always been able to see things from all sides of a situation. Even if I don't agree with how they handle it, I at least understand their motivation. According to Sparling, in the case of this ex, this ex often accused him of cheating during (if I remember correctly) the 4-year tenure of their relationship with Sparling claiming he was falsely accused. Well, sad to say, but I may have to believe the ex might have been on to something. You see, Sparling has told me (paraphrasing), "I'm a slut, and I know it, so I can't do relationships."
Well, if Sparling is a slut who by his own admittance can't maintain a monogamous relationship because of his slutiness, is it not safe to surmise that he did actually cheat as his ex accused him of doing. I brought this up to show how according to Sparling, once again, it's the other guy's fault, and in his warped mind, he did nothing wrong to provoke negative behavior.
But while my feeling is S. Sparling's not worth it, kick him to the curb and move on, I very much understand (if this tale is true) the ex's point of view as to why he would obsess. Just as that night I came to the conclusion of how my 1 month of getting to know Steven was wasted, this ex is probably feeling his time was wasted on a more emotional level over the much longer length of time of 48 months = 4 years. Once realizing that, the ex obsessing may not be correct, but it is understandable.
Sparling puts himself in these fixes, and the only ones unaware of that side of him are people who he isn't trying to use. I actually feel sorry that he lives his life that way. Sparling has a life full of illusions of love ahead of him, with the real thing far from his grasp.
While enraged by that word, I still feel pity for him. That odd combination makes me proud that I slapped him, and sorry that confronting his ignorant ways came to that, all at the same time. But as they say, "every dark cloud has a silver lining", and I'm looking at the many silver linings in this cloud, such as for starters, Steven Sparling is dead to me, because just like any other racist, he is not worth existing in my life.
So as I move ever upward, I cheer, EXCELSIOR!!!!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
There are a few things that makes this story become worst, hence the aforementioned extremities. Such as the fact that this person was a fuck-buddy who I've written about here lately. The Jackson Heights, Queens resident to be exact. Another thing that makes it worst is that this guy is a schoolteacher, so if it's not scary already, it will be after you learn how this came about, then realize that this person is molding young minds with those young minds calling him, Mr. Sparling. If I wanted to be real bitchy, the UNcropped version of those pics from Folsom Street East might not sit well with the NYC Board of Education.
The way this situation unraveled was after I invited him to the Wednesday night indoor pool party, Drip at the Grace Hotel. We get there, and he's sits there like a lump on a log. Not looking to be the least bit social. He even dogged the event saying that it's nothing but a bunch of people standing around drinking, and that it's not what he expected. My thought is that it's a pool party, what the hell was he expecting. He shouldn't have been expecting it to be like a bathhouse, because I already told him that the party doesn't go that way.
DRIP is somewhere I would seldom go alone. I felt since I had someone with me, cool. Especially someone I wanted to get to know. Maybe I'm a rare breed that likes to get to know his fuck-buddies. Plus, I don't really care to have an entourage when I go out. Since he wasn't having fun, I took the initiative of suggesting other places. To those, he never responded. So after sitting there, and sitting there, and sitting there, I had enough and confronted him by asking, "Did I waste my time inviting you out here?"
He seemed shocked to be asked. And more shocked when he realized I was upset by his anti-social behavior, claiming he was being nice by sticking around. I asked him how is he being nice by sitting there lifeless. When he's called on his shit, NOW, he decides to leave. He tries walking away from me as I'm explaining my feelings on the matter. He tries shutting me up since he didn't want attention drawn to himself for being called on his infantile behavior, and since I talk with my hands, he tries putting them down, and I told him, "Don't touch me!"
We left, and went outside. He started accusing me of throwing a hissy fit like a 12 year-old, YET he's the one putting his hand over his ears and making noises to drown me out. I'm trying to talk out a situation that I have every right to be annoyed over, and I'm being told to "Shut up".
He accused me of treating him like he's my boyfriend, which is not true. I treated him as I treat anybody else when I invite them somewhere that I've been before - I watch over them to make sure they don't get in any bad situations since I already know the good and shady ways of people at that event. Even if that event is a sex party, it may seem unorthodox, but I stick to that credo of looking out for those I invite to come along.
After being told to "shut up", and feeling that his overblown sexual ego made him believe I was doing anything but look out for him, there is no doubt I was most likely going to raise my voice. Because, I am a grown man. And while I've made many mistakes and had many misfortunes in my life, my being dumb enough to be his spouse or unfortunate to be his child do not fall in the categories of my mistakes and misfortunes. Therefore, tolerating being told to "shut up" is not going to happen, so raising one's voice to defend oneself is a very likely response of any self-respecting individual. But to him, my being loud in the middle of the street after being offended by him is a sign of "ghetto" behavior, when the fact of the matter is that anyone of any color could react the way to his behavior of trying to tell an adult to "shut up" by raising their voice in return.
So as we near the corner of 45th Street and 6th Avenue, he says to me, "You know, you're being real ghetto nigger right now".
To show how color made no difference to the tales of my sexual escapades, in recent blog posts (including those about him), I neglected to mention the fact of the guys' race. In this case ---- this guy is White.
Now, I'm sure that makes his words to me take on a whole new meaning. You have seen me use that "n-word" here, and my hope is that for any Black person doing the wrong that provokes my using that word in a derogatory fashion reads it and becomes motivated to get their shit together. For any White person to use it however in 2009, says that you see me as a Black person before seeing me as a person PERIOD. Clearly, he even during our trysts, he saw my color, before he saw ME. That thought only added to my rage.
When he first said it, I looked at him, and said, "Excuse me?"
He then repeated it, and started lecturing me about my behavior.
My good and bad side were in debate at this point.
The angel on my left should saying with it's Pollyanna-tone, "Turn the other cheek".
While the devil on the right said, "Let's see, do we smack him, or punch the shit out of him?"
First, the devil took his pitchfork, poked the angel off of my left shoulder, and said, "Beat it, bitch!".
Now with the angel gone, there was no conflict between my good and evil sides. I was now all evil. Which spells "danger" because my evil side is dangerously conniving.
During his lecture, I made sure I looked him right in the eye while he spoke. Because holding his gaze was going to make whatever way I retaliated a total surprise. Thinking to myself of how he really thinks I'm going to let him get away with saying "nigger" to me without the slightest bit of repercussion. In the words of Bugs Bunny, "He don't know me very well, do he?"
I always knew my temper could get to this point. The point where one's ego is so overblown that they would talk, talk, and talk, and I was going to cut that speech short with one verbal and/or physical blow.
Tonight was that night.
I don't even recall the words he was saying, but to even my own surprise, my hand just flew up and ----
----right across his face. His already light eyes lit up like beams from the shock. Out of the blindness from rage, I didn't feel it before, but now in hindsight, I remember feeling the contour of his face's bone structure under my hand. In fact as I'm writing this, I am feeling every curve and every gap on the right side of his face in my hand.
I yelled, "THAT'S IT!!! I'M DONE!!!!", then I walked away crossing to the other side of 45th Street, then proceeding to walk down 6th Avenue. After at least a minute later, he then comes running behind me.
What happened next and my further analysis of him is what you'll have to tune in tomorrow for.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
What time will Tre X be posting a comment on the subject?
t-minus 10, 9, 8, 7, 6...
I didn't reply on TheSword.com, but I did reply on QueerClick.com, and they never posted my comment. But thanks to MOC Blog for having the balls that makes him a man, I was given a chance for my sentiments on this matter to be heard.
Now, as for the comments referring to me at The Sword, I actually find them quite flattering and sad at the same time.
Flattering, because it's always good when people recognize how you stand for a cause, whether the speak of it in a positive light or not, the fact remains ---- they know you're a man who takes a stand. With that in mind, it is safe to assume that I was to a degree flattered by The Sword's Paul Bookstaber writing a piece about my post on poppers, because he took note that I had a firm stand on this issue. My annoyance that I voiced here was because in the same breath, he tried to tear down the validity of my firm stand.
Now, for what saddens me about such comments as those is the fact that my name has become synonymous with fighting the racism in the gay porn industry. Almost as if I'm some kind of Ambassador. And that's the problem ----
----I am the ONLY Ambassador.
Many within this industry are aware of the problem of racism in gay porn, including those who are not racist, yet benefit from it. We speak about it privately, but when I speak out on the issue in a public forum like my blog, and a gay porn news sites gets wind of it. I rarely (if ever) hear of them making any public notice that they agree. When in all actuality, most of them are most popular than me, so if change can be incited, they should be the ones speaking up on this. I find that quite distressing, because in an industry of so many, I become a lone warrior. And being put in the position of a lone warrior in my fight against the racism in gay porn makes me feel like a vast majority of gay porn performers are not men, but stone cold faggots for not using the power of recognition that they have to start eradicating this problem. So if you want another reason why I refuse to pay for American-made gay porn, now you know. It's because I want to watch the strength of gay MEN fucking, not the weakness of faggots.
And yes, there's that ugly word - "faggots".
To haters of that word, I'm not going over why I differentiate between referring to someone as a "gay man" while I call someone else a "faggot". Do a search of the word "faggot" in this blog, and you will find that explanation. But I will say this much - when your fellow man is being wronged, a man takes a stand, while faggots hide and act like there's no problem. Therefore, the ugliness of that word "faggot" fits their ugly act of cowardice, because while racism itself is unjust, so is the fact that I feel so alone in this battle. Hence my strong words to express my frustration.
The facts are simple. When you live in a country where a race of people are made to feel like they don't matter in any way, be it via porn or a regular 9 to 5 job, it doesn't speak well for the citizens of that country overall. For the White actors who claim to not be racist, benefit from that racism, YET say nothing against it existence ---- they might as well be racist. And for the Black and Latino porn actors who are aware yet say nothing are indisputable "sell-outs". And to all, so what if you get blacklisted ---- IT'S JUST PORN. Grow the fuck up, and grow a real pair! Because we will never truly be the best nation if we don't stop being so selfish looking out for #1, that we allow our fellow man of a different ethnicity to have his face repeatedly shoved into #2.
Why do you think I spoke out about the lack of Asians in gay porn? Because while I am in (not the best) but a better position, my humanity lets me understands the annoyance some Asians may be feeling not being represented.
And that's what the silence of so many actors show - a lack of humanity. Some of you may try to throw my words of how "it's just porn" back in my face, but the fact is silence in racism in something as simple as porn is a sign of one being silent when it really counts. Because I believe fighting for equality for such simple things is a test, and many of my fellow porn actors are failing miserably by way of their silence.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
First, was my blog post from Friday about my trysts after NYC Gay Pride.
Second, was my new video of me dancing under my pre-porn stage name.
As all that was being put together for weekend promotion, on Thursday afternoon, I got word from Papi Chulo that the interview he did with me for his blog was posted. I'm quite proud of the interview. If you have any questions, about something I said, leave a comment here, or email me, and I just might address it in a future post real soon. I admit however that I prefer comments here over email, so others know your question that they may share with you, but are afraid to ask. I hope the interview does you proud.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Do you remember my blog post, "Mainstream To Porn: Video Proof"? It included a video of me dancing to some choreography I did for a singer back in 2002, which is the same year I figured out my orientation and came out all in the same breath. I always hated that video, because I always knew that if the singer gave me the songs in a decent amount of time, I could have done much better with the choreography.
For some time, I've been itching to make another video to show off my dancing and choreography skills, and show that my existence goes beoynd the porn persona of "Tré Xavier". I had the idea to do it about a year ago. I was going to use the song, "So Much Betta" by Janet Jackson from her album, "Discipline". The problem is I got sidetracked, and it was always on my mind to do it, but I never buckled down to make it happen, because I was too busy making noise with this blog about the wrongs in the gay porn industry and the gay community.
As you can see, I'm still making noise, so what changed?
The fact that I'm still making noise, but the fight is no longer consuming me, because I've reached the point with the gay porn industry and community to leave it to be it's own worst enemy and destroy itself by way of those wrongs. This left me time to do what I really enjoy in life - performing. And it allowed my itch to go back to mainstream performing grow more all the time.
Recently, I signed into MySpace and read the bulletins. One of the bulletins was from past American Idol finalist, Jim Verraros. He was announcing his new single, "Touch (Don't U Want 2)" being available on iTunes. I opened up iTunes on my computer, typed in his name in the search box, saw the song title, clicked on it to hear the 30-second sample, and I immediately started seeing dance moves in my head.
That's when I told myself, "You have got to redeem yourself from that last video. And this is the song to do it with".
This past week, I booked dance studio time for 2 days. To rehearse on the 1st day, then rehearse and record on the 2nd. During the 1st day, I made a last minute change, and decided to make a medley using the "Touch (Don't U Want 2)", and "So Much Betta" since that was the song that started me on this idea in the 1st place. So I started putting together the medley cutting out parts of both songs. Then on the 2nd day in the dance studio, I did the choreography for the section of the medley that features "So Much Betta".
During the time of planning this video, my biggest music and dance inspiration, Michael Jackson died. So when it came time for me to edit the video, it was only right that I dedicate it to his memory. Because without growing up watching him, I wouldn't have been motivated to sing or dance.
Note: I used my pre-porn stage name for this, because after my days in porn are over, I will be going back to it. So take this as an opportunity to start getting used to it.
I think that's enough talk. So here's the video. Enjoy.
I've been told by family and friends that the 1st video is nothing compared to this one. In fact, my Mom's exact words to describe the differences between the 2 were, "That 1st one was a virgin. This one here ---- is a whore-monger."
Do you agree? I hope so ;-)
Friday, July 3, 2009
Instead, when we were leaving the boat, the guy who I met on the dancefloor let all of us know that he was leaving with his friend. By this time, Ringleader and his boyfriend were waiting to get of the boat with the all of us from the make-out session. While waiting, Ringleader grazed my crotch. The 1st time, I wasn't sure if it was an accidental graze or an attempt to grab, but when he did it a 2nd time, it was a full-on grab, so it became official - I was being hit on. In response, I played it coy by rubbing his flat stomach, but when I rubbed his stomach, he took my hand and put it on his crotch, and then his boyfriend's. Both of whom I discovered had some big dicks, so I knew if I was leaving with these guys, that I'd better brace for impact.
And that turned out being the plan. But was it executed? Read on to find out.
They wanted to fuck me. They couldn't stop talking about my ass. So once off the boat, we and the other 2 from the make-out session all left together for what seemed like it was going to be me getting gangbanged by the 4 of them.
To that I say, "Yippie!". It's Gay Pride, and I as always was hungry to fuck some dick with my ass, and some ass with my dick, so I was down for this. We made a smoke stop in the nearby park, sat on the bench in a dark area, and I gave Ringleader a blowjob while his boyfriend felt me up. Now, how did I give Ringleader a blowjob during a smoke stop? Simple answer is that I don't smoke. Lucky me, because I might not have the lung capacity needed to try sucking the cum out of a guy's balls by way of his dick. While I didn't do that this time, because I wanted him to bust a nut after his cock has had the pleasure of being warmly embraced by my tight hole. When we realized people were walking by, we then kept walking.
We all got near the train station, and the 2 from the make-out session decided to leave. Which left me with Ringleader and his boyfriend.
As soon as we got back to their place, the clothes came off, and their dicks were out before mine. That only made me more eager to fuck. And it wasn't because their cocks were big. Being the anti-size queen that I am, the rule is this ---- soft or hard, long or short, the mere sight of a hot guy's cock makes me ready to fuck.
AND BOY, DID THEY!
Ringleader's boyfriend got me first. He talked dirty the whole time, which I love (as I'm sure most writers do). He was about to do me doggy-style. Maybe a couple inches more to take in, I guess he assume that was all I could take, so he told me to take in as much of his dick as I could. He was quite pleased when I slid back onto his cock, and took it all in to the point that I was pressing his pubes between my ass and his crotch. He fucked my ass like a savage, and when I fucked his cock with my ass, he loved it. And when he started fucking me again. He pounded me ever harder.
He knew he was about to come, so he asked if I wanted him to shoot it on me, or "fill the bag". It was a tough call because I would have loved for Ringleader to get his turn fucking me with his boyfriend's cum all over my back, but I told him, "Fill that bag, Baby", because I wanted to feel his cock muscles throb in my ass while it squeezed out his load. He did, and it felt great.
Then Ringleader got his turn. He also fucked me like a savage (I can see why they're together). At one point he stopped, because he wanted to really ram my ass, so he wanted to be extremely hard. He got there, and he let me have it. He showed my ass no mercy, and I was thankful for it. He came, and his boyfriend got so excited watching that he came a 2nd time. Afterwards, I got dressed, we exchanged numbers, and I went on my way. Fully aware of where I was headed for next ----to get some more sex.
I was with Ringleader an his boyfriend as a power-bottom. So not knowing how it was going to turn out, I went to a NY Jock Party initially wanting to top. And my wish was granted. I met this cute blond who I thought was going to try topping me, so I tried beating him to the punch while we made out, and asked him if I could fuck him. To my surprise, he obliged without hesitation. He laid down on a mat in the corner, and I fucked him missionary so hard that even my little 145 lbs. slamming into his maybe 160 lbs. made the stand the mattress was on squeak loudly as if it was an alarm to alert everyone fucking was going on. And the guys obviously heard it, as many came over to watch.
The guy asked for a break, because I was fucking him so hard. When he got up, he told me that he had me pegged as a big ol' bottom. Little did he know of where I was before, and I never told him. Well if he reads this post, he will learn that I do have my moments as a "big ol' bottom".
We did take a break from each other, but not for long before we went at each other again. We started downstairs, then slipped away upstairs. He went over to a bench where he started to lay on his back again. I told him instead to bend over. I wanted to see my dick slide in and out of his ass, and his juicy ass bounce as I banged into him. I started pounding, and watching that ass bounce was a beautiful sight to keep me hard along with his pleasingly tight hole. He then went on his back like he originally wanted, and I fucked him that way until he came. I then helped him up, then we stood there to discover another audience. I started jerking off and feeling up his hot bod, then I came spreading my jizz between his body and mine.
This just goes to show you that you never know where the day (or night) is going to take you, especially on Pride Weekend. With Pride 2009 ending like this, needless to say, I'm looking quite forward to Pride 2010. Until then and always ---- BE SAFE TO BE HAPPY.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Parade - To be honest, I didn't see much of it. From what I did see, I do have to say that some floats are usually extremely sexy seem to be putting up a front due to the political climate, so they were trying to be P.C. or "politically correct" in their dictionary. In my dictionary however, that translates to "pussy cowardice". It should be no surprises that I feel that we should live our lives with a motto like, "fuck these hypocritical bitches and be yourself". Evidently some of the marchers didn't get a backbone as strong as mine.
I did see some high points like the hotties of Naked Boys Singing. Well, actually their asses, and being the ass-man that I am that's OK. Especially when they know how to move it like the guy on the top of that float did. I wish he could have been part of my after-party fun, but as you'll read later on, I did OK in that department.
Party - I didn't go to the Pier Dance this year. Instead, I went for soemthing new. I went on the Gay Pride Sea Tea. I honestly didn't expect to have as much fun as I did, mianly because I was going solo. I usually go to places solo, but Gay Pride is a time you want to spend with friends. Although, I knew some going to the Pier Dance, it would have been hell to look for them in that crowd. Plus, I got a new way to experience the fireworks by being right on the water to watch them.
The Gay Pride fireworks weren't the only fireworks I saw. I seemed to have sparked some in a few fellow passengers. What started out as me talking to 1 guy on the dancefloor who was there with his 1 friend, later on had me in a makeout session with him, his friend and 2 others we had just met.
This is where the "XXX" in the title comes in. So tune in for that part either late tomorrow or Friday, as it will be a tale that to most definitely send you off on a horny weekend, just the way I like to.