In my 3 1/2 years of blogging to the point that I've written over 400 posts, I don't believe I have ever had to do what I'm about to do now.
That being ---- acknowledge the possibility of owing someone a BIG apology.
As a stubborn Aries and perfectionist, this is something I try to avoid.
Last week, I attacked Dominic Ford for being a great many negative things along the lines of a racist, because his website, DominicFord.com features so few dark-skinned men of color after he stated in an email to me back in January, that one of his "goals is to be more diverse than other sites".
While I admit it is diverse, I felt it stuck to the "light-complexion only" formula like many other sites where they have light-skinned Latinos in to fill their minority quota so they can state, "See, we have minorities. We're not about being all white."
Dominic Ford insisted on his not being a racist stating that he is looking for an "upscale" look in all his models. And he doesn't get many submissions from dark-skinned models of colors who qualify. I thought a lot about that claim from Dominic Ford, and realized that there is some possibility that his claim is true.
I realized the fact that not a lot of people in general have my high degree of tenacity when they want something. Especially in the case of how Blacks are treated in not just the gay porn industry, but by society in general. When a Black person wants something, if history shows that it is most likely impossible, after a while, when another opportunity presents itself ---- they give up. And who could totally fault them for it?
With that thought process in mind, for Black models, so many of us have seen ourselves overlooked by the big name studios that if a new studio comes to be, many would say to themselves, "Why bother?". This leads us to either give up the desire to be in porn all together, or work for one of the ethnic companies that don't often show men of color in a positive light. In my aforementioned tenacity, I chose the latter. And while I don't have much love for the overall image of Blacks in most of those movies that I did, I think I made the right choice by sticking it out, because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have the experience in this industry that makes me able to plead this case for Black models, thereby call big names studios on their shit ever so well.
Maybe, just maybe, Dominic Ford being a new company has been caught in the aftermath of all the racism enforced by elder big companies and websites like Falcon, Lucas Entertainment, Corbin Fisher, and Sean Cody. An aftermath that may have resulted in medium to dark-complexioned men like myself NOT apply at all. In a city as big as New York, it sounds impossible, but when you think about the facts of racist behavior I presented, it actually isn't implausible.
So in short, there is the great possibility that a lot of the words I used on Dominic Ford to describe the ugliness of a racist (if Dominic earned any at all) most definitely need to be directed at his elders in the porn industry instead.
If you are wondering why I don't give Dominic Ford a complete apology, it's because I've seen too much from his racist predecessors. I'm not clumping him in the same boat as his predecessors fully. I'm saying just as I understand a White person who has been victimized repeatedly by a Black male, I don't at all like it, but I do understand their apprehension to deal with me. And such is the case here with Dominic Ford. I've either been ignored or lied to so often by his elders in this industry, that I now have to take his word with extreme caution. Therefore, I can't give a full apology until I can truly say that he is in no way like his elders in the gay porn world.
Hopefully, sometime in the very near future, I can issue that full apology. But for right now, all I can do is acknowledge the possibility of my misjudging him.