Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Crash And Burn On Valentine's Edge

When I went to the screening of "Between Love And Goodbye" back on January 30th, I met someone. Don't be happy for me, because it didn't even make it to Valentine's Day. I tried my best to just leave it alone and not address it on this blog, but the history of this blog is that I tell some of the good and bad in my life as a way to help people. This is one of those times.

As I said, we met at the screening of "Between Love And Goodbye". We hung out at the after-party for the movie, which was held at XES Lounge which is on 24th St. & 7 Av. I had prior plans to go to The Eagle, so when I decided to leave, he was kind enough to actually leave the movie's after-party, and walk me all the way to The Eagle which is on 28th near 11th Av. That's quite a walk, because those of you who have not been to New York City, don't realize that going from street to street is an easy walk, but avenue to avenue is a trip. And this is coming from me, someone who unlike your typical city-dweller, likes to walk. So talked the entire walk, and once at the Eagle,we said our goodnights. Then we walked all the way back to XES Lounge. I thought that was quite sweet of him.

Now for those of you wondering was there a goodnight kiss, I have to say no there was not. We did not actually kiss until we met up again that Sunday night.

Me and this guy met very briefly before at Will Clark's Porno Bingo. I told him then about my involvement in porn. I had no idea that some months down the line I would wind up dating him. But I never ketp that a secret even then. I've often had friends tell me, not to tell about my being in porn right away, but my feeling has always been that to keep it a secret is a form of emotional entrapment. With that being the case, what kind of loving relationship do I deserve, or have the right to demand if I behave that way. None - I deserve an empty life. So because of that, I have been honest with this guy from Day 1. And when we started dating, I gave him my blog address so he could learn even more about me that we didn't discuss on that 1st night of meeting.

At one point, days before Valentine's Day, I was asked what was I doing on the night of Valentine's Day. Well, Daniel Nardicio was having a party that night that I had made plans to go to at least 2 weeks before this guy came into the picture. And you've read this blog enough to know how Daniel's parties get. So all I told this guy was that "I have plans to go out". No details given. Since we were not at the point where details are owed to him, plus we were at this point free to do whatever we wanted with whomever we wanted. Even though that was the case, I am a human being. I know that no matter how honest you are, you don't tell the new prospective lover (whether it's 2 weeks, 2 days, or 2 hours) about how you're going to a party where someone just might suck you off, even though these plans were made a good amount of time before that person came into your life. That's insensitive. So I withheld that information. Now had he pressed me for details, I would have been honest. Reluctant, but honest none the less.

Things started going south because I got a text message from him a little while later saying how he didn't like the idea of me going to a sex party on Valentine's Day. I was like "WHAT THE FUCK....!?"

This was not a text messaging moment, so I called him to find out what he was talking about. He claims he thought he could handle it, but he couldn't, so he was calling it off. But while he thinks he was calling it off, for me he was already out the door with me locking the door behind me and moving on the moment I got that text message, and as you read on you'll see that the more he spoke, the more his actions solidified me making the right decision to feel that way.

Because you see this is FUCK-UP #1 - If you're going to date me, trust me to ask me FIRST. While some may view Daniel's party as a sex party, as up front and honest as I have been from the beginning with this guy, he attacked me without ever asking ME the details of where I was going. He came to assumptions based on info from someone else, after I feel I've established a reputation where I would have been honest with him if he did one simple thing - ASK ME FIRST. While he was correct in his assumption about where I was going this time, Strike 1 is because he didn't go through the proper channels. He attacked me based on someone else's words instead of asking me like he should have. This is why I didn't put up much of a fight when he decided to end things. Because after that behavior alone, he wasn't worthy of the honest man that I am. And I've always said, you will only get 1 of me in your life. If you let me get away your lost is someone else's gain. But his mistakes didn't stop there.

I never announced my going to this party in my blog, or on my website. I don't even think I responded to the invite on Facebook. So I asked him where did he get his info from and the story went like this:

He was texting me, and a friend looking over his shoulder saw my name and said, "Oh, you know him?"

My ex-possible guy said in reply, "Yeah, how do you know him?"

His friend said, "A sex party."

And that is what provoked the text message about me going to a sex party.
I asked him did it ever occur to him that I'm free to do these sexually-free things because I'M SINGLE. I told him that before he jump to his conclusions, why don't he find out what my rules are about putting some reins on my sexual openness for the sake of a relationship, and how we are not at that point yet. But that question was too much like right to come up, just like him asking me exactly where I was going for Valentine's Day evening.

So I asked who is this friend who was looking over his shoulder. He refused to tell me.
Which leads us to FUCK-UP #2 - Keeping unnecessary secrets. If you are pursuing a relationship with someone, as part of the "getting to know each other" process, you learn and discuss the people you have in common. It's common sense, is it not? To do otherwise tells me that you are trying to have a secret person to tell you what I'm doing at certain places while having no idea I'm being spied upon. Once again, as honest as I have been to his face, and by letting him read my blog early on where some of my sexscapades are clearly on display, if he can't trust me enough to lose his spies, then we're done before we start.

This is part of the reason why relationships don't have a history of going too far with me. It's because I can forsee their ugly future if I allow people exhibiting certain behaviors to take such prominent roles in my life. And these behaviors did not make him fit to be in my life as a boyfriend. We are friends now, but not boyfriends. After just those aforementioned scenarios alone, why would I both to consider it? To do so would be me lowering myself to an act of desperation, because only someone desperate to say that they're in a relationship would tolerate those things. I very much want to say that I'm in a relationship, but I'm not going to lower myself by catering to overbearing behavior in order to do it.

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