In my 7 years since realizing my sexuality, 2 things that I abhor beyond words are constant texting and emailing by prospective lovers. Actually, I've grown to hate it when it's that much from friends as well.
The reason I hate it so much is because it is a clear sign of an emotional cripple. Remember, I've had plenty of those. To my most loyal readers, do the names Igor or Danny ring a bell? People who text and email so constantly are people incapable of real intimacy. They live their lives feeding off the illusion of it, and if they take up with someone as emotionally damaged as themselves who find that constant texting and emailing OK, they never emotionally progress. With that in mind, for someone like me who craves constant emotional growth, these type of guys are beneath me for a romantic relationship, and questionable for a lasting friendship.
I first became aware of what constant texting and emailing told about a person by my involvement with Danny. He would always initiate a texting session. My replies would sometimes get to a point where anyone who is emotionally stable would know that an actual conversation is necessary. It wouldn't always be about a trouble point in our involvement. It could just be the fact that I need to vent about something that happened during my day, or he would text me something that anyone with common sense could tell that the next text from him or me was going to be something that needed too much depth to be texted. This was actually the cause of many of our arguments that I got sick and tired of having. And I grew tired of being sick and tired.
Just a little update for you.
I started working on this post last week. I went out a night or two after, and saw Danny in midtown Manhattan. I knew this was going to happen because I have been having too many memory flashes of him lately. I wear glasses, but suspected from a good distance that it was him. We walked towards each other, got closer, and while passing each other, it was confirmed that I was looking at Danny. We never said anything to each other, just like the times I saw him on the PATH train. And why would I waste my time doing so when some things obviously have not changed. Because what was he doing while walking in the blistering cold of that night? ----- TEXTING.
I've had other emotional cripples since Danny. And I gather that I'm in the midst of knowing another right now. The reason why say "gather" instead of "fear" about this person is because, after 7 years of long overdue socializing, and studying people in the process decades before that, I now know what I want.
I want MEN in my life. One as my lover, and the others as my friends.
I want someone who isn't afraid to call me on the phone and say, "Let's get together.'
I want people around me who are honest enough individuals that they don't want, or need to hide behind a text message or email, because their faces won't tell a different tale than their words.
With a text message or email, typos can cause misunderstandings, tones can get misconstrued, and you can't see the tell-tale signs on their face, or the quiver in their voice that shows they're lying. Why do you think sites like ManHunt are so popular? In my 7 years out, I've come to realize that these sites are custom-made for these emotional cowards. So much so that ManHunt should be called ChickenHunt.
Because the sound of your voice, and more importantly, the sight of your face are tools used by those brave enough and man enough to display intimacy in their interactions. And that's why I call text messages and emails "the big tools of cowards". Because constant text messages and emails rob your relationships of that needed intimacy. Be that relationship with a friend or a significant other, a constant email or text sender is AT LEAST 90% of the time an untrustworthy individual.
I never write anything here that I am not willing to say to one's face. Most writers can't make that claim. That's actually the reason why they are writers - so they can say all the things they fear saying in some more intimate form.
So I'll leave all the habitual text and email senders reading this with a message that I have eventually said to the face of those that I have had the misfortune knowing:
You're sending so many text messages and emails shows that you can't deal with the intimacy needed to really be content (instead of fooling yourself with delusion that you are), and therefore be an emotionally progressive member of society. With that being the case, I must ask - since you keep hurting and disappointing people with your cowardly tools, WHAT IS YOUR WORTH?