First off, before I continue, I'm sure some of you are psycho-analyzing me, and saying, "He's doing porn because he lost his faith in love."
And those thinking that couldn't be more wrong.
I have always thought about doing porn, even before Danny came into my life. As I have said in the past, I can take the porn industry or leave it. It is not a neccesity to me. Therefore, had I ever found the man of my dreams before, my desire to do porn would have never seen the light of day, and I would have had no regrets. So my being single made me free to pursue porn because I had no one to answer to. Unless my relationship was already open, I can't see myself asking my life partner if I could do porn. By holding true to that standard, it shows that I still have faith in love and romance.
My situation with Danny, and others boils down to the same thing I told Danny when he brushed me off. The fact is that the American healthcare system looks at those who are ill as cash-cows. I'm sure that the cure for HIV/AIDS, cancer, and other diseases are out there, but our healthcare system doesn't really want to hear of it as much as they say they do. The average American citizen does, but not them.
Think about it.
If they totally cure you of your ailment - be it anxiety, depression, HIV+ status, or some form of cancer, since these are such epidemics, there's money to be made off of these things. If they cure it, you longer need their services, and no longer need to pay them the huge amounts of money they charge you. Trust me, if and when any of these are no longer such epidemics, the American medical community will be willing to send you to a free clinic in no time, just as they do with syphillis gonorrhea, etc.
In regards to mental health, the bottom line is this - as far as I've seen from these guys I've been involved with, the taking of these meds never end. I dated one guy who took pills for depression, and he felt good to stop taking them, but his ever-so-trustworthy doctor told him, that if he stops, he'll have thoughts of suicide. So my questions is, when does he stop taking them? If you call yourself loving this person, are you going to have to love a drug-dependent person for the rest of your life? This is what our trusted medical community has given us. A society of drugees, hence the reason why their greed has made the U.S. healthcare system the worst ranked in the industrialized world.
What scares me the most is the fact that I could have been in that number. Remember, before my sexual awakening, I had depression, anxiety, yet I am not, nor have ever been on any medications. It's because those demons surfaced for me, and I fought them all. I didn't need a doctor telling me "take this, it'll make you feel better." Why don't they just send people out to a street corner in the ghetto, and tell them to get some weed, cocaine, "E", "K", or whatever letter of the alphabet drug will do the trick of making them feel they have conquered their woes. Because then, Dr. Wannabe-God makes no money, that's why.
And I say "Wannabe-God", because that is exactly what he/she is trying to be. My demons were, and are still being conquered by my faith in God, not faith in man. I have no intentions of sounding like a preacher with this, but this is how I survived my contemplations of suicide, my fear of socializing, etc. How are you surviving yours? I advise you to talk to God, talk to a minister, talk to a friend, talk to your family, and when all else fails, talk to a mental health doctor. But when a mental health doctor advises you to pop a pill he/she prescribes to make you feel normal, in reality, you will never take the time to solve your problem, so you're going to find yourself so busy feeling so good from Dr. Feelgood's pills, you'll fear, and won't look back on your life at what brought you to that point.
How do I know this? Because that was Danny. Never wanting to talk about the past that brought him to the state that he was in.
Well, I want a man in my life, not some cowardly overgrown little boy. And a man faces his demons head on, therefore drug-free. Which includes both illegal substances and doctor-prescribed ones.
As I said at the start of my last entry, I know what I said may not be a popular opinion. Sorry, to those who disagree, but I don't care much for your upset. UNLESS you can prove my logic and experience in this matter to have led me to be wrongly informed, I will stand by everything I have stated within these past 2 entries. So I leave you with this - if you can prove me wrong, being that I do allow comments, I now give you the floor....