Monday, February 4, 2008

Danny Boy: A Mental Health Matter

In light of the latest Britney Spears drama, such as the possibility of diagnosing her as being bipolar, I felt the need to make public my feelings about how the medical community is handling mental health. And what will say here is not from inexperience. I have enough, and I have had enough of keeping silent about what I see people in American healthcare doing to our society. What I say may not be a popular opinion, but it will be one that unless you can dispute the logic I will present to you, I will hold it as being a fact.

Let's get this 1st thing out of the way.

I DO NOT believe Britney Spears is bipolar, as I don't believe that it exist for a great many people who are diagnosed with it. I believe that her erratic behavior has been brought about by her present lifestyle, and some unresolved demons in her past may be reaching the surface. And when you lead a fast-paced life, those demons that were surpressed will start to make their presence known, because your new fast-paced life probably doesn't allow you the time that you once had to keep them under control. PLUS, anyone who is bipolar would have been exhibiting errratic behavior all along. So with that in mind, I repeat, I DO NOT believe Britney Spears is bipolar, therefore some doctor prescribing her some pills is not going to get her all better. That so-called doctor is just going to make her use the pills as a crutch, which would make that doctor a legalized drug dealer.

Now my experience on which I base this logic.

I have been involved with guys who were taking one form of medication or another for a supposed mental ailment that they had. The one I remembered most was Danny. He claims to suffer from anxiety attacks so he was taking Paxil. I din't know much about Paxil or mental ailments at the time, especially since even with my previous thoughts of suicide I never went the route of so much as seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, etc. But my 6th sense always worried about the fact of him being on that medication. And he was the 1st and only guy I ever said "I love you" to.

Our problems started after when I realized that I needed to ask myself, "who was I loving?" Was I loving the version of Danny that was on Paxil? And hopefully after he stops taking Paxil, will the personality that he exhibits still be lovable? First of all, it wasn't actually lovable to start with. One minute, he would seem so enamoured with me,telling me that he's so glad that I'm a part of his life, and how he always wanted someone who showed him as much caring as I did, then when I want to plan for us to get together, he would become distant. Where was the mental stability that Paxil was suppose to bring forth? It probably never existed, OR the Paxil had overstayed its welcome in his body.

One day, Danny called me telling me that he had Bell's Palsy. My 6th sense kicked in, and I automatically sensed that Paxil was responsible. So I went online, and did an internet search using the phrase "Paxil side effects". I wound up online for hours looking at website after website saying how Paxil only works for about 4 years, and that side effects could include mood swings, and temporary paralysis. I asked Danny how long had he been on Paxil, and he said the magic number - 4 years.

At first, when I presented him with what I found, he was so thankful to me, and saying how he was going to get off of it. Then after a couple of doctor visits, he was basically telling me I didn't know what I was talking about.

We had a back and forth of being in each other's lives for about 2 or 3 years. And it's now at the point where we see each other, and don't say anything. He has seen me on the PATH train a total of 3 times since I moved out to Jersey City, and he can't even bring himself to look at me now. And it could be no other reason but guilt. I have no problem looking at him, because I did nothing but try to help him, so I have no guilt about what I've done. With him coming from a family where the stability of love was so little, while my family had it in overkill, I was trying to have that middle ground with him.

While writing this, I'm asking myself, if he could have gotten off that Paxil, would he have been someone I could have truly loved, and him naturally having the mental stability to love me back? Maybe, but thanks to whatever doctors put him on that road, we will never know. And I say that with no regrets, or hopes of fate changing so I will know.

I will get into my further criticism of the medical community in how they are handling this matter tomorrow.

2 comments:

  1. the last part is touching
    it makes the Britney thing
    kind of very UNimportant.
    you didnt make clear why your relationship ended...
    but my question is
    why didnt you walked up to danny
    when you saw him and simply asked "how are you ?"

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't believe I need to make any more clear why things ended. There wasn't much of a relationship to start with, and it was due to his lack of participation in it caused by his drug-induced mental instability.
    As far as why I didn't say "how are you" - why would I? Should I care? I forgot to mention that it had already been discussed that we wouldn't be friends, but we came to those terms in a civilized matter. So a simple "Hello" wouldn't hurt.
    And don't ask me why then didn't I make the 1st move. Our history has always had me as the initiator of manners, humanity, and civility. So any self-respecting indvidual would find themselves pushed to the point where they would have enough. It was his turn to show that he was as well-mannered, humane, and civilized as I am.

    ReplyDelete

I HIGHLY respect those willing to stand behind their comments with a name. So if you use "Anonymous" on a viewpoint that challenges mine, IT WILL BE DELETED for your cowardice to not show yourself makes your viewpoint and you irrelevant.

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