This blog is mainly about my disdain for Chelsea boys, but it took a recent run in with someone from my past that brought it to the surface.
Many of you may remember, Igor. Well, I haven't seen him in at the gym, walked past him on the street, and treated him just as I said he was - dead to me. Therefore, no pleasantries were exchanged - until Friday night when I saw him at Splash. Don't get your knickers in a twist, I did not initiate saying anything to him. This was all his doing. I was walking around the club, and saw him. I passed by him a few other times I walked around, and said nothing to him. And I was totally content with that. How our (THANK GOD) very brief exchange came about was because he was with someone, and it turned out they were heading downstairs just as I was heading to the bathroom down there. When I came out, he and whoever he was with were standing right outside the bathroom. Since like I said he's dead to me, I proceeded to walk right by him, because after all, he's a worthless existence to me. Therefore, he's not there. As I was walking away, he grabbed me by the wrist, and I looked back at him with a look that says, "Excuse me, who are you?" He came over to me and said, "I just wanted to kiss you and say 'Hello'", and he kissed me on the cheek.
I looked at him with an emotionless stare, and said, "Hello", and walked way.
I hate showing no emotion like that, because it means that you can't exist for me. And I would love to acknowledge every human being because I feel everyone should serve some good purpose to humanity by existing. But Igor is a Chelsea boy. The materialistic, narcissistic, negative gay stereotype that makes right-wing "Christians" think the world would be better off without gays. And it would be, if you get rid of gays with the Chelsea boy mentality AND those extremely right-wing "Christians". Because those are 2 negative extremes that definitely cause disharmony, because both are judgemental hypocritical emotional cripples who point at others, to avoid pointing at the fucked-up heart and mind they should see and fix in their soul's mirror. By the way, I put "Christian" in quotes because true Christians don't judge. They leave judging to God.
So if Splash is full of Chelsea boys, and I hate Chelsea boys so much, why was I there?
I've said it before, but I'll repeat it. I go thereto dance to the music. I used that dancing as a cardio-workout. I do not go there to socialize by any means because Splash has gone way down within my 5 years of being out in having patrons that are worth my socializing with. Plus, a friend of mine gave me a card that gets me in for free.
Now, to get back to the Igor, I was repulsed by him.
First off, my initial thought was, "What is so missing from your life that you had to say anything to me? You are there with someone, tend to him. If I say that you are dead to me, then I should be dead to you, UNLESS I made enough of an impact where I can't be dead to you, so if you see me anywhere near you, you can't contain yourself have to not acknowledge me". This is not me stroking my own ego, I'm just point out the facts.
Even worst is that what many don't realize about me is that when I say "I don't like you" or worst "You are dead to me", it means that you have an ugliness to your soul that I can't deal with very much, if at all. In addition, that ugliness of your soul makes its way to the outer you for me, and it's made of shit, diarrhea, vomit, maggots, and every disgusting thing you can think of. So you imagine, someone you feel being made of all those disgusting things touching your wrist, then kissing your cheek. You'll feel like he left a smudge of shit with a maggot (maybe even a few) wiggling in it on your wrist and/or on your cheek.
So with that in mind, that lack of emotion was my personal safeguard to make sure I don't ruin my future by doing something horrific for his intrusion into my personal space when he put his hand on me. Because I have an extremist personality. If you are good to me, then I am the closet thing to heaven on earth to you, but should you cross me, then I am something the devil should dust the ashes off his throne in hell, so he can pass it over to me.
I am fully aware that people change, and since I haven't talk to Igor in months, he might have.
I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT.
Remember me saying how hypocritical Chelsea boys and extreme right-wing "Christians" are? Well, about a month ago, I was searching for someone who lives in NY on DList.com. As I was going through the profiles, whose profile did I come across, but Igor's. Back when we were talking, Igor acted as if he was too good to be on DList.com, yet I discover he's been there within the past few months. And he also said back then that he hated Splash, and this was before its catering to Chelsea boys was as disgustingly rampant as it is now, yet I found him there Friday night.
But I however have grown.
Before I came out, I felt like the extreme right-wing "Christians", acting like I was above everybody else because God loved me. So when I first came out, since I was going against the religious grain, I lowered my thinking to saying that I am no better than anybody else. The reason I say "lowered" is because if I maintained my feeling I was beyond certain types of people, all of the emotional cripples like Igor would have never been allowed in my life for as long as I allowed them in it.
So maybe Igor, while being a Chelsea boy, proved to be useful after all. I now see that I am not the best thing out there, but there are certain types of people that you have to show that they are not good enough for you. For a reason of more depth, unlike a Chelsea boy or Republican, who turn they nose up at you for not having the right brand-name clothes or high-paying job. And that's where I am now with Igor. He is creature beneath me, because he doesn't have the depth of character that the rest of my friends have.
Now, please don't think that this has anything to do with my once trying to become emotionally involved with him, so this is some leftover remnants of that. Because it's not. I do have a couple of friends NOW who I dated at one time, just like I did Igor. So why are they still an important part of my life, but Igor is no more? The Chelsea boy mentality doing what it always does. It makes everyone you have and/or need in your life showing a truly worthwhile human existence leave your life, and all you have left is the illusion that you usually need your high-paying job to pay for.
I don't wish Igor any ill-will. I don't wish him anything. If he starts showing himself to be a truly worthwhile existence instead of to those who are just as empty as he is, I'm at a point where I don't care to know. Because the going-ons of someone who is dead to you (like Igor is to me) is of no concern to one alive and kicking such as myself.
Finally, this is not about all guys who live in Chelsea, I have a disdain for Chelsea BOYS. Chelsea MEN are welcome in my life as a friend or lover just like MEN who live anywhere else around the globe.