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Friday, September 28, 2007

The Cock-Adieu-I Do and Coke-I-Don't

If you recall, I recently posted that I was go-go dancing at The Cock. Well, last Sunday it finally reached the point that I had to bid The Cock "Adieu" of my go-go dancing prowess. I was making no real money at it, not getting the proper base pay, and all I was getting in return was sleep deprivation, because after leaving at about 3:30 AM, I had to go home to Jersey City, and get myself ready so I can be at my day job by 8:30 AM. So I told the bartender that got me into this that this was it.

And speaking of that bartender, if your read my post about my dancing at The Cock, I'm sure you are wondering what the deal was with that bartender. To be totally honest, when I first wrote that post, what I'm about to tell you had already transpired.

I knew from my 1st night dancing there that the bartender was into me. And I am not going to deny that I was into him as well. On my 1st night there, he even felt up a hard-on I got from one of the other go-go boys, and I returned the favor by feeling the crotch of his shorts. As the weeks progressed, we became more and more forward with our attraction to each other.

I came there one Saturday night, and it turned out he was working there that night too. He directly told me that he was attracted to me, but he wanted to keep it professional for now. Considering the environment, I saw no reason to putting off following our clear attraction to each other. So I told him about my doing porn as a way to make it clear that I know how to mix business with pleasure. He asked me what was I (as in top or bottom). I told him my movie position(as a complete bottom), instead of my off-camera position as a versatile bottom. His response was, "Well, I have a big dick, so you're gonna love it."

Since I'm not a size queen, that statement didn't make me want to have sex with him anymore than I already did, because my turn-on about a guy's cock is not because of how big it is on that hot guy, but because that hot guy has a cock to put in me no matter how big it is.

We eventually gave in on Labor Day weekend, I waited for him to do all the money counting and cleaning up after the bar closed. We went back to his place, and 4 weeks of dropping temptations at each other was finally going to become the utmost reality so I thought. We went back to his place, made out, then I got some news from him that didn't matter at first, but has come to mean quite a bit to me now.

He had took a hit of coke, so his getting a hard-on might take some work.

At first, our making out with me straddling him was intense , and finally after all that teasing and innuendos, once he entered me in that same position, the fucking started out just straight up primal. The key phrase here is "started out".

I've mention before that I have a tight hole, therefore you can safely assume that you need a rock hard hard-on to fuck me. And thanks to the coke, after a about 5 minutes - the primal fucking ended. Therefore, we spent the rest of the time we should have been fucking each other's brains out, trying to make him get that rock hard hard-on. Eventually, we gave up, and I was promised another try in the morning (that never happened by the way). He jerked off, and shot his load that way. I didn't come at all. I was trying to figure out why I couldn't come, and recently it hit me -

- Why am I trying to come by jerking off imagining I'm getting fucked by this guy when the guy is totally naked and right next to me in this bed?

And that's why I had to write this blog.

Now, I am no saint when it comes to drug use in my past, so I passed no judgement on him for it at the moment. But due to how the sex turned out, I decided to make some rules for myself regarding drug use for a long-term relationship, as well as a trick.

When I have sex with someone, I want to experience every bit of that person in a way that I remember. I don't want any pain of a big cock going in my ass lessened, having my asshole numbed so I can take it in, or having my brain dazed because I want to forget I'm tricking and not in a real relationship. So for me , there's NO COKE, NO CRYSTAL, NO POPPERS, NO "E", "K", "X", or whatever letter drug wimpy bitches use to numb themselves to the sex they're having.

I look at drug use as a way to escape from the sex you're having. When I trick with someone who uses poppers, I always wonder, "Is he trying to forget we're fucking?". Especially when the guy is a top, because the last I recall, I was told that poppers was supposed to make you relax so you can take in a big cock. So when I see a top taking poppers, I think to myself about him more than I do a bottom, "You, chicken shit!" With that in mind, there should be no doubt as to why the sex I have in a long-term relationship will be TOTALLY DRUG-FREE. Because the only daze I want to experience in all of my days of life, love, and sex with that special someone is to be brought on by his presence, and not a chemical substance.

From a trick, I may accept him telling me that he's done the letter drugs or poppers, because he's just that - a trick, no one special, no one to consider holding in high regard UNLESS he wants to embrace that sexual connection with me totally drug-free as I am.

It's funny how 1 little incident can open you mind up to some decisions you need to make for yourself. I never took much time to think about the drug use of my sexual partners until my disappointment over that night. And what makes it even more funny is that I didn't realize my disappointment right away. It grew as flashes of that night popped into my head. I went from a raised eyebrow, to a scowl, to a frown, an even more harsh frown, and then to the point when I had to say to myself, "WHAT THE FUCK - I WAITED FOR THAT DICK ALL THAT TIME, AND COKE FUCKS UP MY GETTIN' SOME THE RIGHT WAY! DAMN! DAMN!! DAAAAAMN!!!!"

Now, being as honest as I am, I will inform that bartender that I wrote this blog. He may not be happy about it at first. But in the long run, (if he chooses to) he may be glad to read this so he starts taking steps to make sure his sexual reputation isn't tarnished. Whatever his choice is, only time will tell. But it will most likely be told without me.

4 comments:

  1. I agree 100% - speaking as somneone who's never so much as smoked a cigarette, I find drug use just plain gross, and not at all sexy. As you said, it's an escape, and during sex that's just not hot. Coke's especially sleazy. Good for you writing this blog ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. i hear what ure saying eh writing
    but i would have respected other
    people's privacy in these matters
    thats all

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rich,
    Thanks for your comment. It gives me a chance to make clear a point that I forgot to mention in my original post. That point being that I wasn't going to ever write about my tryst with the bartender at all. And if I did, it would not have been in great detail. But when I realized the lesson that could be learned from it, I decided to tell the story.
    Now, as far as respecting other people's privacy. You didn't say that regarding my blog about the guys at the sex party, so why complain now? Is it you protecting people's drug use that inspired you to make that statement?
    Then that's hypocrisy. Because I'm sure you got a thrill from my tale of the sex party.
    His use of drugs effected his time with me, and I'M SUPPOSED TO RESPECT HIS PRIVACY? Sure, this was a SUPPOSED to have been a good role in the hay, but what if his surprise revelation of drug use came while driving a car, and having an accident with me as a passenger. Am I still supposed to respect his privacy? I leave you with that to think about.

    ReplyDelete
  4. its not about the drug usage
    people should just do whatever they want as long as it doesnt hurt anyone or brings any danger to others i really dont care what they do in private.

    However
    it is your choice to write this blog. But it should be his choice to vent his usage not yours. The bartender at a mentioned bar. one and one makes two regular guests probably know who he is.

    The sex party thing didnt reveale for readers who you are talking about. they are unknown.

    and i get more a thrill from some topics u talk about and arguments you post. not really from the sexual details in your sex party blog.

    Driving a car and being intoxicated is putting other peoples life in danger taking drugs and a role in the hay is different. unless he sees that rubber slip off and doesnt care. but even then you are still a 2nd party. you have your own responsibility. the choice to walk away from that apt when u found out he was high.

    ReplyDelete

I HIGHLY respect those willing to stand behind their comments with a name. So if you use "Anonymous" on a viewpoint that challenges mine, IT WILL BE DELETED for your cowardice to not show yourself makes your viewpoint and you irrelevant.

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