Wednesday, December 12, 2018

I'm HIV+: No Bravery Applause Required


I always knew the day of me going public with my HIV+ status would come. My original plan was to come forward with it within in the pages of my autobiography that I have long been working on. But at the rate I’m going, scientist might actually find a cure by then, which would make not much need for the revelation. 

The thought to come forward with this revelation came when I got an invitation for Vladimir Rios’ exhibit of “I Still Remember” to be held at his gallery La Via Galerie in Livingston, NJ on World AIDS Day, December 1, 2018. I was one of the models in the photo narrative. The invitation also offered some guests to speak. Upon reading this, a conversation with myself started. It said: 

“NOW!” 
“’Now’ what?” 
“Now is when you’re going to publicly reveal that you’re HIV+” 

The idea of going public with my HIV status is not a new one for me. It is actually been a thought of mine for a long time. What might have caused a postponement was a potential playmate being a know-it-all.

He was someone I met at a condom-only party. We made out, I went down on him, giving him a mind-blowing blowjob, then we cuddled and chatted in the afterglow. During that conversation, I mentioned my day job and my being a sex educator via my blogging, which piqued his interest even more. We exchanged numbers to hook up one-on-one, then one night, we chatted via text. He said that outside that condom-only sex party that he liked to play raw, so he wanted to know my HIV status. I told him the truths of how 1)the joy of playing raw was mutual, and; 2)that my being positive, but undetectable. After disclosing my HIV status, I confided in him that I often considered going public with my HIV status.

Well, I have always said that my brain works like a both a male and a female's. Confiding in him with my thinking about coming out publicly with my HIV status was my female thinking, as females just tend to vent, and not necessarily seeking a solution. The male thinking is what this guy did. He considered my venting as an ask of "What should I do?", when even if I was seeking advice, the right thing to do was to recluse himself from giving it because he was in no position to offer a suggestion.

For he was HIV-. Therefore, he has no first-person experience as to what I have to consider by publicly coming out as HIV+. The most he may have ever done is watch someone else’s life from the outside looking in. And coming out as HIV+ is very much like the coming out as gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, etc. An outsider can demand that you be honest with yourself, but they cannot buy any means so much as suggest when you tell such a truth about yourself to the outside world. Especially, if you’re a public persona on even the smallest level. 

Well, for the record, that hook-up outside of that party never happened. It was not because of his suggesting that I come out publicly. Although, it should have been the 1st sign of his being a know-it-all who talks too much as all know-it-alls do. It was about something else completely in which he unjustifiably showed himself to be a know-it-all. Therefore, an annoyance in the long run.

So while that might have caused me to postpone my coming out publicly with my HIV status, part of what definitely kept me quiet is that so many people have come out as HIV+. To the point that as I said in my speech at “I Still Remember”, saying you’re HIV+ is for me now just stating a matter of one’s being. Then I realized that while that may be the case, that too few of those faces of healthy HIV+ males in the media are those of Black men. Of course, they exist, but the biggest names in gay media still being the racist behemoths that they are still paint white and light complexioned males as the heroes of our society. Meanwhile, I have either heard tales and/or been eyewitness to some of these white/light faces partaking of the very same unhealthy practices that I speak against. So where are the many healthy Black males to disprove the negative stigma of what HIV looks like? And do so without the hypocrisy that the racism of many gay media outlets allow white/light males?

Too few on both counts. 

And I believe that is what incited that conversation with myself to make World AIDS Day 2018 be the day I publicly admitted to being HIV+.

So now that I have put the truth out there, I know I have incited many questions. Many questions about some things I've said in the past about safe sex, barebacking, HIV, and STIs. Well, let me warn you... we are talking about ME here. So while you may think you can surmise an answer, you will likely find you need to talk to me a little more for the correct and honest answer.

For that reason, I am open to emails, interviews, discussions as a moderator, guest speaker, or participant to expand on this. Plus, I am realizing that this revelation is an opportunity to expand on my knowledge I can share as a sex educator.

So let the expansion begin....




Monday, November 5, 2018

Nude Dude Review: Kiiroo Titan + Test Videos




Every sex toy review I do, be it for video or written, goes through a number of masturbation sessions before you see my final assessment. And Kiiroo's Titan went through no different of a process.
Kiiroo Titan - Male Masturbator

For this testing I went to Pornhub's Interactive category. Much to some gay readers' chagrin, all of the videos were straight porn. This is no problem for me because most of the porn I watch is straight anyway, but in my choosing, I focus more so on the guy.

To test an interactive sex toy that can be synced to the action in porn, one would think that my predominately gay bisexual self whose fantasies has me 90+% of the time as a bottom would be testing an anal-friendly interactive toy, and not an interactive stroker like Kiiroo's Titan to watch straight porn. Well, despite all of the many anal-friendly sex toys that I possess, I still like a real live male's cock in my ass the best. So the way I get off with a stroker is by imagining the pleasure the penetrating male in the video is feeling because of his thrusts. And what better way to feel that then by an interactive masturbation sleeve that gives you sensation exactly when the man in the porn you're enjoying is feeling sensation.

So these are the 2 videos I checked out at PornHub to take me on that ride:

The kink I addressed in "Getting Out The Kinks: Pants-LESS is More" about hot guys being bare-assed from the waist down has not gone away since I wrote that blog post 3 years ago. So just seeing the thumbnail of this video caught my interest. And for the record, you do get a brief glimpse of the guy's face at about 2:11. So you'll see I was not masturbating to only a body.


I have long been a fan of Mr. Pete. Watching his body move with that nice ass sway like waves when he thrusts into a woman with his uncut dick after all these years, still has not gotten boring to watch.


As I stated in the Nude Dude Review video, in addition to the interactive modes with the aforementioned videos, I used the auto modes as well. For that test I went to HotGuysFuck and got off to their newest release that week. It featured the muscular Dom Knight going at it in a video. And the cameraman got the angle just right for my taste by focusing on Dom's nice ass.
http://join.hotguysfuck.com/track/MzAwMDA0NS4yLjIuMi4wLjAuMC4wLjA

So now that you see my review process, and what I think of Kiiroo's Titan, you should go get your own, and explore that joy for yourself, a loved one, OR with a loved one. 😉
Kiiroo Titan - Male Masturbator

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Heart of Your Hard-On




Before the reading in the video on September 28th, the title of the poem came to me on September 8th. Right before I posted this on Facebook:

The idea came to me out of my love for seeing a man's cock as a work of art by nature.

This is not the 1st time I've seen an upside down heart in a body part I lust after. For if my long-time readers recall, the same thing happened in the backstory for my drawing "Upside-Down Heart Ass", which was an image I saw while banging a bottom from behind. And to this day, I am still flattered that the sex shop Shag posted my drawing on their Tumblr blog.

This is also not the 1st time I've written a poem based off of a cool sounding title. I run with such titles because I take it as a sign that my subconscious knows there's a message, or a new way of thinking to introduce through my poetry.

So now perhaps I've introduced poetry readers and listeners to a new way of looking at a penis. And if you think about it even further, a penis is one upside down heart going into a larger upside-down heart. Making the 2 meeting something that's meant to be.

Lastly, if the above version of the poem is too clean for you, perhaps the XXX gifs and video (from my studio-based and homemade porn) compiled for my XXX version of the poetry video would better suit you. Enjoy. 😉



Sunday, September 16, 2018

What's In My Sex Party/Backroom Pouch?



If you've ever seen me at either a sex party, or bar event with a backroom, then you may have noticed me wearing a pouch on my belt, or one gartered around my right thigh. If so, you might have wondered what's inside that pouch. Well, if you've been either my playmate, or a voyeur watching closely, then you already know the answer....

It's mainly condoms and lube.

If you have ventured to such play spaces, then you have definitely been ear witness to some guy saying, "Anybody got any lube?", or unless it a bareback party, "Anybody got a condom?"

With such being the case, and me coming well-prepared (therefore supplied), you would think that I would be the 1st to offer lube, and/or a condom. Well, as much as I try to spread messages leading to great sexual health, guys making a request for condoms and/or lube can go fend for themselves. There are a number of instances leading up to this position on the matter, but hindsight on one in particular is what led the charge.

Some years ago, I was go-go dancing at a Daniel Nardicio party. I witnessed the usual greeting amongst the go-go boys between both, those who did and those who did not know each other. All of them were either white or light-skinned Latino. No matter how shy the other seemed, someone made the 1st move to either greet or introduce themselves to somebody. To every somebody except for me, the only Black go-go boy.

Later on in the night, this muscled up blond and a brown-haired twink were hooking up in the changing area. The blond asked, "Anybody got a condom?"

Being the enabler of everyone practicing safer sex that I was back then, I went into my bag and got him one. I was not turned on by the sex at all. After all, what was there to be turned on by? It was 2 dismissive white boys fucking, while I'm a self-assured Black man whose was then (and now) aware that their dismissiveness of just my presence was a product of their own insecurity. You can look at many a gay porn to see that via its producers and performers. But at the moment, I took pride in helping them have safer sex, and let that override all else.

However, as time went on, and hindsight being 20/20, I realized that I wasted a condom on walking waste products. So I needed to rethink my credo of being Mr. Helpful.

For what they did is no different than what most twinky to muscular white boys, light Latinos, and buffed, big dicked black guys, (in short, porn's idea of beautiful) do all the time at sex parties and backrooms to this very day. They come to the space, even if there are condoms and lube available in the space for them to grab themselves, looking to who is considered "undesirable" to provide them with those condoms and lube. Because as far as they're concerned, the "undesirables" can't get any sex themselves, and desperately need to live vicariously through them, so they'll provide whatever the "pretty people" need to fuck.

Before someone tries going there, let me assure you that this is not about envy of how they got some and I didn't. While I am always horny, I have a work ethnic even at a sexual nightlife event. And that work ethic makes my getting laid not be a priority. Nor do I envy someone who gets an opportunity to get laid, and takes it. If it interferes with with their job of being eye candy interacting with the patrons, I'm disappointed in them, but I'm never envious.

And why would I be envious? Besides my past in porn, and waaaay more relevant are my written and unwritten sexual escapades that at least on my end, were done based on a premise other than "Ooh! He's hot!". And at a number that if my gay-fucking was ever put on trial, you would find a courtroom full of subpoenaed witnesses.

So while it's more about quality not quantity, what I take umbrage with is that in these guys' racist eyes, I was seen as one of those "undesirables". "Undesirable" to the point that not only was I deemed un-fuckable, but even worse, unworthy of acknowledging my presence in the vernacular of being work colleagues for that night. The asking for a condom and willfully grabbing it from me of all people showed these white boys to be no better than the black bums I see on the street. Black bums who when they had some money, would always ask me if I was Black American because they thought I was foreign-born, but now that they have nothing, and want some of what I have, I've suddenly become "Brother".

So after enduring so many instances like this, and ending up often getting condoms and samples of lube, I bring my own tools now. And those tools are only for me and my playmate.


I started putting them in such a pouch because I didn't want to be those guys I mentioned before, whose type are still too aplenty today. I didn't want to be one of those guys relying on others who I think are less attractive to do for me what I, as a real man, should be doing for myself. All because I think "I'm pretty, so they should serve me". That's how I would roll if I believed some of the hype about me. So it is how I could roll. However, it's not how anyone should roll.

Now, if the guy is not my potential playmate, he has 1 of 4 choices standing near me:
  1. take his chances fucking raw and get an STI, or HIV if they're not on PrEP. As I stated in a post for Thotyssey, there's no shame in getting an STI or HIV. But this outcome is a good comeuppance if their "pretty-boy" laziness makes them squeamish by being still uneducated about HIV/STIs;
  2. stop what they're doing to get one of the condoms and/or lube provided by the space;
  3. wait for someone who does see themselves as "undesirable", so they do want to live their sex lives through those "pretty people", or;
  4. use spit, which actually is not good to do because it is water, which easily absorbs back into the body. Hence why most if not all guys who use spit as lube slowly, but surely kill their brain cells by also using poppers.
That's why I take that pouch with me every time I know I'm going to a sex party, or somewhere with a backroom. Because if I ever forget, those options will then become my options. And I did have one instance in which I was faced with that. To prove again that I practice what I preach, let me reveal that I chose Choice 2. And sometimes, even with my pouch on me, I've done Choice 4 because I was so into the guy. But since it stand firm in my anti-poppers stance, I do eventually stop, and get the lube.

So as most everything  has a backstory, a simple pouch attached to me at sex parties and backrooms is no different. So if and when you see it, you know what it is, what's in it, and what sparked its getting there.

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